A Surefire Way To Piss Off Telemarketers

Hi kids.  Welcome to the WFMU blog starring me, Andy Breckman.
Here's what I, Andy Breckman, like to do when a telemarker calls.
Read it. Remember it. Then you do it too.
Here's what you do: You pretend you're retarded.
You talk slowly.. and slur your words.
You pretend your parents left you home alone.
Then you say: You promised your parents you wouldn''t talk to any more salemen, because YOU ALWAYS END UP BUYING WHATEVER THEY'RE SELLING!
Tell them: you LOVE TO BUY THINGS OVER THE PHONE.
It drives them nuts.  It's hysterical. They're always torn: they don't know whether to hang up or take advantage of  a poor retarded kid.   
At least, it always amuses ME.
See you later.
Andy

Comments

[Raj]

Well, it's a start.

[Jaime Russell]

Andy you are a mean mean person! I am a retard and I take offense to you thinking that retarded people are all retarded!

[fatherflot]

You "promied" your parents?

[dave]

alternatively, try telling the telemarketer you don't have a telephone. be insistent, and debate vigorously any suggestion to the contrary.

[James]

I just use my handy 7 Second Delay CD that finally arrived today to drive the telemarketers crazy.

[Jenn]

Of course Andy can't spell- leave him alone!

[Raj]

Ignore the second post.

[Catfish Rivers]

Sometimes if you try to sell them something of your own, that works well also. So, with every sentence the telemarketer utters, you respond with a pitch for some item/service of your own.

[Shug T]

Is that Al Gore...

[Beth Landau]

I love you honey! Molly and I want you to stay away from that Monica Bitch.

[spike]

salemen?

that's an interesting new word.

[monk 28 sub 4c]

Insisnt on getting their name. Do they have a family? Where do they live, and other Monk questions.

[havalina]

andy, you are the only thing that gets me trough hump day.

[andy1breckman]

WOW AMAZING!!

[joek]

who's andy breckman?

[bigfoot]

what's a "telemarker"?

[Andy]

I hope it works on business clients too.

[David]

Once I got a call from some place promoting their resort. I was interested but caught off guard when they said the offer was only for couples. I ended up telling them I was actually planning on proposing to my girlfriend within the week. They took my number and said they'd call back in the next few weeks to see how things went. I figured I was off the list. To my surprise, they called back. I couldnt find someone to go with so I told them
things didn't work out what with my being jewish and my alomost bride to be's family being devout catholics and that the whole thing was actually pretty messy and thank you for calling back but i am unabnle to attend at this time.

[James]

Damn. A telemarketer just called and all my new-found knowledge flew out the window.

[Juan Thomas]

But Andy, can you get a female telemarketer to fall in love with you?

[Duggan]

Oh, such a clever boy, that Andy. Never figured him as criminally insane.

[John]

You are a bad man, Mr. Breckman. A very bad man.

[Zoms Frenchman]

My fave is asking for their call center #, hanging up, and calling back as a persistent telemarketer for a rival company. They get sooo upset!

[themoonshake]

Andy should start blogging regularly.

[Craig]

This must be Andy's strategy for 7sd when not wanting to sit on air for an hour, at least it seems like it some times.