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February 23, 2005



I'm a telemarketer, and I can assure you that we telemarketers have feelings, too. If you think you're lashing out at some big business by pulling these antics, think again. If you think the telemarketers have any control over how often they call you, guess again. The telemarketers who call you are everyday working class people who have no stake in the crap they're selling you. They probably care even less than you do about their products, but they're trying to earn a living. That doesn't mean you should feel obligated to buy our crap, but remember that a telemarketer is also a human being. A simple "I'm not interested. Please take me off your list" would suffice.

listener Martin

The flaw in this show is that you had already mentioned this technique on a previous show!!! Just like all the other zingers!


when a telemarketer calls, i just blast my music into the phone for 10-20 seconds and hang up.


As a telemarketer, aren't you in the least bit sorry that you spend most of your working life pissing people off? Be nice to you? Dont think so.

Blair Sterrett

I like to sing or play songs for them. I asked one of the last telemarketers if he liked Dogs. He said "Yes, I love Dogs!" So I said, "Well I've Got A Song For You!" and then proceded to play him 6 minutes of GST Mugwump and Friends singing "Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo DOGS!!!" the only lyrics in the song. But yesterday, I let the telemarketer listen to me talking to my friend (off the phone) about "what I should do with this call, do you want to sing a song to him?" etc. They hung up before we could do anything.


I find that just making conversation pisses them off. Try asking how the weather is, and if they say they dont know, ask them to check. Get your 5 year old kid on the phone to them. Make beeping sounds.


I used to be a telemarketer. No one has tried that one me, but Im thinking I would have sold some shit to a retard. NO what really pisses me off, when you say hold on...come back say it again, have someone else awnser....and repeat...


Awesome work people...

What i find is if you start repeating exactly what they say but in a stupid voice, they eventually hang up.


Lol very funny, and if I wasn't so damn kind all the time I would actually do this. I've found that just hanging up works, and even though I'm not a telemarketer, imagine how hurt you'd feel if some jackass did this shit to you.


What I like to do is when they Call I ask them to hold the line, and then every two minutes I come back to them and say I'll be with you shortly. I make them believe that i am interested on whaterver they are try to sell me and they dont want to hang up or in some call center they cant hang up as long as I come back to them regularly. I once had someone on hold 53 minutesm anyone else think they can beat my record?

Thethings Idoformoney

He nailed it the thing that telemarketers hate more than anything is having to recite the product or service over and over and waste a lot of time and not get a sale, all of these other comments are hilarious, telemarketers don't care about all the other clever comments people have posted here, all they care about is getting the sale or getting you off the phone.

Thethings Idoformoney

One other fun point to add to all of these folks and their clever tactics, the person you are being rude to has 100% control to put you down as "not interested" or to add you to the "Do Not Call List" if you request that. But if you piss them off they will most likely put you down as "Not Home" "Call later" "Call early in the morning" Schedule a call for dinner time...and then you will continue to get calls....because they don't care!!!!


Does anybody know if they get paid whether or not you buy anything? 'Cause it would be pretty useless for you to mess with them. As a matter of fact, they probably enjoy whenever you put the phone down, because they don't have to recite their stuff again. You're not exactly getting them...

Brent W

A list of do-not-call lists by US state and links pointing to the websites where you can register.


i like to just scream really loud into the phone. or if you're up to it, start having phone sex with them.

Dick Silverman

I met you in your freshman year at Boston University in the 70's (remember the 70s??)and can verify you were once a respected college student! Sent you an email but don't know if you got it. You once even opened for a band I played with!
Recently discovered your show and became addicted.
Problem is I work in Manhattan, so only get the podcasts!

Ares Vista

This sounds cruel and you shouldn't be abusing people who can't help their mental condition. They have feelings just like you. And, pretending to be a retard is pretty messed up, too.


Hey bruce grossman and other lovers of loud noises, listen up - I'm about to drop some knowledge from the other side:

I recently graduated from college and, so far, haven't had much luck pursuing a professional job. I'm going to grad school next fall, but in the meantime I'm working at a call center, calling people about services they may have requested information on, but usually they have no idea why I'm calling. It is a horrible job.

Many times people got signed up to hear about these services by filling out an online survey, going to a site looking for a job, or trying to win a free laptop or something equally asinine. I don't like the fact that we get people's information in these ways, but we do. So here are a few tips for the wise:

1) Be CAREFUL when you're filling out information online. READ the small print. READ the boxes that are checked underneath what you're filling out - you never know if a check in a box is going to earn you (and me) a lot of aggravation when you get calls you thought you never asked for (but technically did). I know it's hard work, but try to read what you're signing up for on the internet.

2) TALK to telemarketers. The very best way to get us to stop calling is to tell us in a courteous and rational way that you are not interested at all in what we are offering. If the caller is obnoxiously persistent, LIE and tell them they must have the wrong number, and no one by that name lives there. We won't waste our time calling the wrong person. Problem solved.

And finally, 3) Some words to the not-so-wise: It's not smart to piss off telemarketers too much. We've got saintly patience when it comes to silly pranks and even being cursed out (to a degree). But if you're going to pull some crap like a whistle, air horn or - my personal favorite - screaming at the top of your lungs, we're going to have problems. In many cases, telemarketers have A LOT of your information: your phone number (obviously), email address, street address, sometimes even birth date. We aren't paid enough to be responsible with this information, so if you damage my hearing or offend me to an outrageous degree some other way, I WILL NOT hesitate to sign you up for all the spam and phone calls in the world. It's going to happen, and it's fun for me.

In summation, remember, telemarketers are people too, just like you. We have friends, families and feelings - oh, and a lot of your contact information. So play nice.

Ray Cox

It's not the best idea in the world, but it is good for when you have time to play. When you are in a hurry try, "Do you realize this is the pay phone at the Dallas County Jail?"

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