The Buttsex Conspiracy

My first tidbit of sexual misinformation came in the fourth grade, when Peter Heinz next door told me that babies were conceived in the anus.  Even at the time, this seemed confusing, but it wasn't until a whole year later that I discovered his information had been completely erroneous.  But perhaps Pete Heinz was a prophet in his way, a seer into the dark trends of the coming century in internet porn.

If modern pornography is a reflection of contemporary society, and I believe that it is, then there's an awful lot of buttsex going on.  And by this I mean straight buttsex; gays, of course, must employ buttsex as a means to express their affection - this is one of only two viable pathways in their case.  Straights, however, have no such excuse.  As a straight man, if you're fortunate enough to have a mate, or at least a woman willing to lie down with you, she comes readily equipped with a magnificent vagina, one of creation's greatest achievements, its labial folds and fleshy contours custom-designed to ensconce the penis.  So why do you wanna force your way in the back door, brother?

We have a saying in our home:  The butt is for "exegesis only."  Exposition, explanation and interpretation.  As far as our needs go, it's exclusively an exit, not an entrance.  No tongues, fingers or other appendages need traverse there for us to have a satisfying sexual experience.

Straight porn online, based on my personal research, is about 70% or more buttsex.  Oh they may start with a little blow job, but they get down to that heiny hole eventually, and it's often treated as the "main event."  So what's wrong with the good ol' vagina?  Even when taking into account the taboo/degradation aspect, which I understand is a turn-on for some people, the numbers still don't add up.  Porn responds to its audience, which, by current trends, is most interested in fucking a woman up the butt, who's in braces or pigtails, who's also been sheared of her wondrous bush (though there's no real action in the front, in most cases.)  What the fuck??  What the fuck indeed.

I am not generally known for being a traditionalist, but I feel the need to scream for a return to the appreciation of the vagina as the best possible place for heterosexual lovemaking.  If you're really looking for a "tighter grip," then maybe you ought to try men, or, alternatively, politely ask your partner for a handjob.

Comments

[fatty jubbo]

if your lady eats a lot of popcorn, the heini hole feels as if it has teeth nipping like little minnows.

[yimbo]

Arrrh me scurveys.
If she packs her ass with broken glass she'll circmcise the skipper!

[reggiano p.]

Why either or? My girlie likes a little digital stimulation in the end occaisionally, and it's nice to feel her orgasmic squeeze around my finger as well as my wiener.

[Lipwak]

Speaking of appreciating vaginas (and I do, I do), here's one on display out by the Rockland County courthouse!

http://www.itsnewjersey.com/lostinjersey/art/penis.html

Cheers,

Lipwak

[So you've stumbled onto our plot, Mr. Berger]

As watching porn is more vicarious than most audio-visual media appreciation, I suspect that a large percentage of the buttsex porn audience are identifying with the buttsex receiver (i.e. the insertee) rather than the buttsex giver (i.e. the insertor).

Evidence: buttsex porn often emphasizes large insertions and "gaping" relaxation of the anus. If this were supposed to be sensual for the male shouldn't the opposite be emphasized?

I'm not a pornographer so my ideas are broad guesses -- perhaps noticeable compression on the fella's shaft, or demonstrating the actress can expel small objects at high velocities? (Porn routinely depicts freakier things.) Things of that nature would interest penises sincerely seeking tight(er) sockets.

Also, I would imagine a lot of hetero high-volume porn consumers are male sexual loners, some of whom may have turned their interests "inward", so to speak. (Search engine queries being futile in these matters, I don't have rectal masturbation statistics to back this up, and for this I'm sorry.)

Anyway, do you really hear a lot of heterosexual women expressing enthusiasm for buttsex? Self-promoting sex workers on Howard Stern (huh huh, he said "stern") don't count. Even the industry doesn't consider buttsex porn "couples" market product.

I think this is one of those situations where porn's ever-true mirror on real life may be lensing just a bit.

[WmMBerger]

On the contrary, very few straight women (based, once again, on my personal research) are gung-ho for the buttsex (and Amen to that!) When I speak of interent porn, it's assumed I'm referring to a 99% straight male audience, both those with partners and healthy sex lives, as well as those who are so deprived and embittered that they want to hurt and degrade all those women who won't have a thing to do with them. Whether you're stretching out the woman's butthole with absurd insertions etc., or just taking the tighter road-less-traveled, the point (most often) is still to degrade, demoralize, dehumanize and perhaps depersonalize, rather than sensualize. I simply refuse to see it as a gentle sharing of mutual affection (as I assume it is amongst most gay couples.) I was just trying to get the guys to remember to flip their girl over once in a while.
Re: identifying with "the insertee," the point is well taken. I've often thought that the "straighter" a man feels he must act, the "gayer" he may well be.

[Robert Paulson]

Don't knock it till ya tried it...

[WmMBerger]

Hey fight club man, what makes you think that I haven't tried it? Tried the back door a few times during my single years—I usually ended up with a pinched dick covered in poop—very sexy. Guess I'm just a freak in love with pussy!