Pull up a chair and make yourself comfortable, because we've got a big sticky wad of smut for you this week. Make sure you grab a handywipe on your way out.
Plug and play. Momma's got a squeeze box, and it's the iBuzz plug-in that syncs up a vibrator to the beat of the music on your iPod. (Handywipe, please.) Wanna visit the Iorio International Accordion Museum? Me too. [via boingboing]
What not to wear:
- If anything will make you keep it in your pants, it's boxers with HIV on them. [via popgadget]
- You can wear teeny condoms, but you better not talk about it unless you are Enrique Iglesias. You know, you probably shouldn't talk about it either, Enrique.
- Backless panties: perfect for lady plumbers.
- Furry, heated wonder bra is supposed to reduce energy consumption, but it will never be made or worn, so never mind.
- Imagine how hot super-long socks are to people who think plain old regular socks are hot.
- Can't have too many novelty aprons, Dad. Now go carve some turkey.
"Don't rush to kiss a stranger on the mouth or you will end up in a deep sleep." Or as my grandmother used to say, "Be careful or one day you'll wake up and find yourself dead in a trashcan." She wasn't speaking specifically about sedative spitting Thai trannies, but she could have been. Grammy was smart like that, if by smart you mean paranoid.
What not to look at at work, though it's all pretty PG:
- WWII airplane nose cone art.
- Magazine cover pinups from 1920s-1960s.
- Gorgeous photos of New Orleans whore houses.
- Helpful Chinese disease posters. Ask your HR department to put them in the break room. [via].
Anatomically correct dolls are not what you are thinking. For one thing, they have snaps for mouths instead of the usual gaping hole.
It's all happening at the zoo. Chinese pandas got married in Thailand, and people dressed as pandas got married too. The non-people pandas Chuang Chuang and Lin Hui were rented from China for $250,000 in October 2003 for 10 years to have sex in front of crowds, but that doesn't make them cheap or anything. Does it?
My 19 year-old Japanese exchange student just moved to a new place, and here's his recent update:
Dear Amanda, Hello, how are you? I have finished moving to Queens without accident, and I enjoy having good time to go to school. However, sometimes I miss you, your dog (Derja?) [Dodger--ed.] and cat(Stink?) Sorry, I do not know their name of the spelling. I hope to meet you before I go to Canada! I have some small problenms in my new house. First of all, if I use any toilet pappers in the restroom, I CANNOT throw away the papaers into the toilet:(( I have to throw the papers in trash box, but I do not know why, my hostmother said this toilet is very old , so you cannot throw any papers into the toilet. Oh my god! So, there are many toilet papers beside the toilet; the smell is a little bad... Second, I CANNOT use washing machine in my house, so I have to go public washing machine:( But the nearst public washing machine is so far from my house, so when it is very cold day, I do not want to go there. Something like that! But my hostmather is very nice and kind. I will be able to live there!!!! Tanks for Amanda
Guess what's all over these little Japanese cutie-porn dolls that come from the bubble gum dispenser things? You're right! Isn't that adorable? Like I said, grab a handywipe on your way out. Just don't flush it down the very old toilet--throw it in the trashbox. Tanks.