This Week in Sex: Playmate of the Year

Amazing Amanda, Playmate of the Year

This year's It Girl-toy is Amazing Amanda. She says things like "Surprise me Mommy...I'll close my eyes!" followed by "I feel sick Mommy!" If you try to give her pizza when she asks for juice, she'll know the difference, because she's got a 32 bit chip in her head, plus pizza is way different from juice, jackass. She knows when she is on the potty or in her nightgown (apparently she can do one or the other, but not both at the same time—now who's so smart?). Her life-like face shows a range of expressions, unlike Un-amazed Amanda, who looks pretty pissed off most of the time. Best of all, Amazing Amanda has 2 way conversations, unlike Blogging Amanda, who just posts crap on the internet for her own amusement. Discuss: "Amazing Amanda: cute doll, or tool of Satan?"

The name of this vibrator is Talking Head. You can record your own voice on the Talking Head vibrator. Recording tips (after all the business about downloading and patch cords and audio jacks) include: "Be giving—focus on your partner's desires, not your own.  Don’t malign your partner, stay positive—don’t be mean or negative. Don’t be degrading towards your partner—it only promotes unhealthy sexual attitudes." Sounds like someone left a selfish, hurtful, inconsiderate message on someone else's vibrator. Now that I've sobered up, let me add: "Don't drink and dial your partner's vibrator."

Porn and the internet: so over.

Dirt: so dirty. Even dirtier when you lick it.

Get a room. Rikers Island, one of the only jails with a LGBT dorm, may shut the "safe haven" unit down soon.

That's edutainment. The Library of Congress has added 25 new films to the National Film Registry, including the notorious sex ed film "Mom and Dad" (1944), in which young Joan gets knocked up and for her punishment has to sit through three gruesome mini-movies of a live birth, a Caesarian section, and various VD ickies.

Good and plenty. Young Japanese women are buying more vibrators, considered less naughty now that they're sold as "adult goods" instead of "adult toys."

It's the most wonderful time of the year. "A thirty-seven-year-old British performance artist is crawling fifty-five miles on his hands and knees with a sign that reads "Could you Love Me?" on his back in an attempt to find love and "to raise awareness of people left lonely and isolated during the festive period."

Saturnalia, Santa's big dark secret.

Liquor is quicker. Put horny goat weed in chocolate, and you've got yourself some old-fashioned slow-news-day marketing buzz.

Best music blog in the world. OK, in Canada. That would be wfmu's Beware of the Blog. Swinging Canadians, not surprisingly, like the "riotous" TWIS, but they blame the riotous Liz Berg  for it, which is sad, since Liz knows about music and shit, and therefore doesn't have to resort to cheap smut to fill column inches like some of us. Update: International pressure, including threats to take Mike Lupica hostage, has succeeded in forcing Canada to clear Liz Berg's name. Thanks to the Toronto Eye Weekly's Dave Morris, who wrote the nice stuff, but fucked it up, then fixed it, so I love him even more than when he just wrote nice stuff and called me Liz. P.S. I hope he writes more nice stuff but doesn't fuck up so much.

Thanks to Ken and John L, but not to you, unless you send cheap smut to me at amanda at wfmu dot org.

Comments

[Skirts]

What's going on

[vibrator]

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[Vibrators]

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