My new best friend is Gonzo. My best "kinky, off the wall friend." My best kinky off-the-wall friend who makes tiny dirty figures. And he wants to make me famous. According to Gonzo, women are big fans of his site, particularly the dirty parts: "The main audience in that section is girls from 18-35, and some up to 55. The guys are more interested in the pro built cars I do. The girls are much more voyeuristic. Obviously they know I am 55 years old, but still want advice on everything from sex to relationships, to whatever. They call themselves Gonzo girls. They also know most young guys are pigs, only interested in themselves, a sort of squirt and run affair. They really have no clue how to pamper or treat a girl. I typically can, and do as much if not more domestic stuff than any girl I know. It is a level playing field. I never expect anyone to do anything that I would not do myself, and sometimes I just do it because they deserve it. In order to keep it, you have to give it away. Leary taught me that. He was the smartest man I ever knew. Nothing is wrong, only thinking makes it that way. Come back to me. THE BOY." I didn't quite follow all that, but I do know that Gonzo says, "Send me some erotic photos, and I will make you famous." He adds, "Always very confidential, I never kiss and tell."
Here's your homework: Suggest a scenario for the Gonzo Amanda action figure (always very confidential, I never kiss and tell, so I suggest you post it in the comments section, which nobody reads anyway), I'll pass it on to Gonzo with some
dirty pictures, we'll see what he comes up with, and maybe you can buy your own dirty little Amanda.
Throw it on the Barbie. Ridiculous right-wing pseudo-ruckus over "gender confusion" Barbie.
Underwear is (not) everywhere. Paranoid parents look up Bratz skirts and don't like what they don't see.
All girl action figures. Baby dyke dolls.
Hugo, girl. Trannie Barbie, Wedgie Bratz, Lezzie Barbie, and Burka Barkie, meet Hugo Chavez, the "dictator-like doll" of the dictator-like dictator.
Batteries not included. Just in time for Valentine's Day: make a chocolate replica of your thingy, with optional motor. Or capture your loved one's breath in a little vial to hold them "forever close." Patent pending, because no one has made little vials before, and there is a lot of competition in the breath-trapping keepsake market.
Just don't do it: how to not masturbate, the Mormon way. How to masturbate, the wanker way.
Practice makes perfect. Digital Rectal Examination set includes:
1 Adult lumbar torso (unisex)
4 rectal units:
1 normal,1 rectal cancer A, 1 rectal cancer B, 1 rectal with polyps
1 prostate model
1 endocervix model
1 jar of Vaseline
1 storage box
If male urethral catheterization, prostate examination simulator, and X-ray phantoms don't do it for you, how about an old-fashioned dead body?
Predicting the size of a guy's penis by looking at his nose is the new predicting the size of a guy's penis by the size of his feet.
Give the naked Japanese lady drummer some.
Don't go there. Shock sites.
Happy-ending new year. Chinese inmates get to have conjugal visits.
Smut Station Manager Ken, Fatty Jubbo, and John L. Be a doll and send smut to me at amanda at wfmu dot org.