Food of the Gods

Hello, everybody--nice seeing you again.

My pal Punchy e-mailed me this week to point out that nothing says “Happy 15th Anniversary, now let's live forever!” like age-defying pancakes. He's right! And the best, most godliest age-defying pancakes of all are made by Pat Robertson. Yes, that Pat Robertson! The Pat Robertson with the Christian evangelical TV show that's watched by about 1 million viewers daily! The Pat Robertson who wants the United States to assassinate Hugo Chavez, the democratically elected president of big oil-producing country Venezuela!

“You know, I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it. It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war. And I don't think any oil shipments will stop.” That's what Pat Robertson says! “We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability. We don't need another $200 billion war to get rid of one, you know, strong-arm dictator. It's a whole lot easier to have some of the covert operatives do the job and then get it over with.” He says that, too! But now he's making pancakes—AGE-DEFYING PROTEIN PANCAKES!

It's amazing what Pat Robertson can do with some flour, some eggs, and some faith! I just wish I could give you the recipe for Pat Robertson's Age-Defying Pancakes, but you have to sign up with the Christian Broadcasting Network to get it, and I guess I am just not ready to defy death yet.

Don't you think Pat Robertson should send some of his pancakes to poor Ariel Sharon so he can defy death? I don't think he will, though, because he says that Prime Minister Ariel Sharon had a stroke because God was mad about the Israeli withdrawal from Gaza. “He was dividing God's land, and I would say, 'Woe unto any prime minister of Israel who takes a similar course to appease the [European Union], the United Nations or the United States of America.'” That's what Pat Robertson said on his 700 Club TV show. “God says, 'This land belongs to me, and you'd better leave it alone.'” God is Pat Robertson's personal pancake-eating buddy, I guess.

Since we will never get the recipe for age-defying pancakes, here is the best thing in the world to eat that you can just go buy somewhere: FINNISH SALT LICORICE. I had it for the very first time this past week and it is the PERFECT FOOD. Perfect. It's black licorice, and it's salt. It's black licorice made with salt. I don't think there's any sugar in it at all, although there might be some molasses just to hold stuff together. I got it at a candy store on Madison Avenue, and now I have to go back and buy all the rest of it because the Nebraska licorice ladies don't carry it. They have Dutch salt licorice, but I don't know if it's the same as Finnish salt licorice. From Finland. Where it's cold and dark and people drink a lot. I bet if you drink a lot, salt licorice tastes even better. I am going to get a whole lot of it and put it in my Go-Bag. Then, when the Bad Thing happens, I will be in the shelter eating the most perfect food on earth.

I noticed when I was at the AQ Café at Scandinavia House last Friday that they sell licorice, including Panda, which is not bad. So I guess Scandinavians like licorice, or maybe they like all good food, like meatballs and gravlax and that weird lingonberry soda. AQ Café has all those things. It's run by the same guy who has the fancy-shmancy restaurant Aquavit, but it's like a little cafeteria and it's way cheaper. And the food is really good. And, if you go there between 3:00 and 5:00 PM, they have a little special where you get a cup of really good Scandinavian coffee and a nice little Scandinavian baked treat for just $2.00. I am always afraid to tell people about stuff like this, because then everyone goes there and it gets really crowded and the prices go up, but I have been telling people about AQ Cafe for years and no one I know ever goes there unless I drag them along with me.

Here is a nice day out for you: Go to AQ Café at 3:00, have a coffee and a little baked thingie, and then go upstairs to the gallery where they're having the show of Edvard Munch prints. It costs $3.00 to get into that, and it is totally worth it. It's an excellent show of 25 prints from throughout Munch's career, and it's not too crowded and you can walk around and see everything, and go back and look some more. So for $5.00 you get good food and good art, and I can't think of anything much better than that. This is what Sluggo and I did to celebrate our 15th anniversary, and it was really, really nice.

Now that I think of it, I think Scandinavians like pancakes, too. I don't know how they feel about President Hugo Chavez, though.

Thanks for reading my blog post this week, and may God bless.

Comments

[\_escarpment]

Prescient post - presently Pat purports professor's as pro-death and propagandists:

03/21/06 CrooksandLiars.com
PAT ROBERTSON SAYS COLLEGE PROFESSORS ARE KILLERS

ROBERTSON: Ladies and gentleman this is a fascinating book. If you want to, you'd better take your blood pressure medicine before you read it, but it's "The Professors: The 101 most dangerous academics in America" and that's just a short list of the 30-40,000 of them, they're like termites that have worked into the woodwork of our academic society and it's appalling. This is available at CBN.com and book stores everywhere, and you really ought to read it and be informed.

TERRI: It’s interesting that so many conservatives haven't seen this because decades ago we were told that infiltrating education was the way to take over the country, we should have been on alert.

ROBERTSON: They gamed it, these guys are out and out communists, they are radicals, you know some of them killers, and they are propagandists of the first order and they don't want anybody else except them. That's why Regent University for example is so terrifically important and why we're setting up an undergraduate program that hopefully will see shortly 10,000 students, and then from there 250,000 because you don't want your child to be brainwashed by these radicals, you just don't want it to happen. Not only brainwashed but beat up, they beat these people up, cower them into submission. Ahhh! "The Professors", read it.

[West Coast Pat (Not That Pat)]

Very funny post, even if the PatContent is scary.

The connection between pancakes & religion are well-documented. Hence the popularity of the church pancake breakfast. & they're very Communion-like, although tastier (I'm not sure whether syrup or coffee is the correct analog for the wine).

& then of course you have the case of the potato pancake. Now if those don't help you defy death, I don't know what will.

Non-Robertson Pat

[West Coast Pat (Not That Pat)]

Grrr. Sorry about my bad grammar above. Should be "connection ... IS". Clearly not enough maple in my bloodstream when I wrote that.

It's back to lurking for me. ...

[Listener Mike D.]

Robertson is a prime example of a "Christian" fascist. Nothing more needs to be said really.

Oh, except that its fantastic that we have people like Bronwyn to tear people like Robertson to ribbons. And with humor, I might add.

Thank the gods!

[Roddy M]

Stephen Colbert had this to say about Pat Robertson's Age Defying Pancakes a couple of months back: "It's the same as the [Pat Robertson's Age Defying] shake mix, only you fry it. If healthy eating means a healthy mind, just imagine what these'll make you think. (takes a bite) Mmmm? we should assassinate a foreign leader! Let me get another taste of that. (another bite) Ahhh. Feminism makes women kill their children! Ooh, I'm full. I couldn't eat another thought."

[Dr. Colby]

I have no fear of Pat and his website and I will procure for you his pancake recipe. I'm already getting mail from James Dobson...