Instead of doing something constructive with my time (like writing for this blog) I have been whittlling away valuable time on the online virtual-reality game Second Life. In this game you create your “second life” physical identity and persona, chat with other people, buy and sell land, build, and take part in, uh, society. Whereas I have always been fascinated with SIMS games and elaborate online virtual-reality gaming in general, I only observed from a distance, knowing the time consuming pull these things have. And well..truth be told, I also found these games and the people who play them to be a bit pathetic. Don’t people have something better to do with their lives?
But I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to sign up when my friend Brendan Danielsson posted pictures of his second life character. He was able to create a creature that resembled the odd people who populate his grotesque paintings and have them interact with real people in a virtual world. Suddenly- this virtual reality gaming racket made a bit more sense. When Brendan posted this video (2 meg .mov file) of his adventures- I was sold.
I immediately created the most grotesque creature that I could by using the basic body and clothes modification option. In my “second life” I was now a pretty lady with a tiny balding pin-head smeared with exaggerated drag queen make-up. I gave myself an enormously fat short torso and long spindly bowed legs. With my allotted virtual money, I bought some knee-high boots and some sexy granny panties. When I was transported to the common area of the game, I immediately made friends with a purple hillbilly character with a yellow mullet and acid wash jeans and a little man spastically running around in silly underwear.
Unfortunately the freaks aren’t out in full force- a few furries, a smurf, some D&D types, goths…nothing too odd that doesn’t have its own little tedious subculture. Mostly, this second life consists of people I actively avoid in real life- boring normals…who decide to create characters dressed in jeans and t-shirt or sad sacks who sit in front of their computer all day and create outfits using virtual money in order to be a “sexy” character they wish they were in real life. When waddling around on the virtual beach, a character approached me and asked, “Why did you choose to look like that?” My only response was, “Why Not?” Most people’s fantasy lives are as boring as their real lives! I want to be a 7-foot tall pinhead drag queen! And as in real life- my second life is filled with derisive laughter, nasty comments and cold shoulders! Perhaps IF THESE PATHETIC SLOBS KNEW HOW BEAUTIFUL I WAS IN REAL LIFE they wouldn’t be treating me so poorly! Maybe with A LOT MORE TIME AND EFFORT I can find some like-minded cretins…but really- why bother? Who has the time?
That being said…I’ll, ummmm, er…well….I’ll see you in Second Life.