The New York State Court of Appeals ruled against same-sex marriage yesterday. But hey, Austria has a legal gay marriage involving a M2F transexual who is now married to a woman. And we all have intersmut to keep us warm at night.
And the day is Naked Car Calendar Day, but it's Upscale Naked Car Calendar, so it's cool. And Sophia Loren is going to be in the Naked Car Calendar, and she's old enough to be your grandmother, so that makes it cooler. But also creepy when you put it like that.
Hail, Estonia! You missed it this year, so start training now for next year's annual wife-carrying contest in Finland. The prize: a computer and your wife's weight in beer. Here's all you have to do: 1) get/become wife, 2) get/become Estonian, because they have a lock on wife-carrying, 3) carry/be-carried-as Estonian wife across finish line before all the other Estonian wives, 4) compute weight of wife on new computer and drink free beer.
Double trouble. The bikini, like Dubya, is 60 years old. Coincidence or Rove plot to distract us from sagging poll numbers? A Brief History of the Bikini slideshow (slideshow means you can look at pictures if you don't want to read).
Dude, take a cold shower. Hot sex in hot weather can kill you, say fear-mongering doctors. Dr. Norbert Bachl of Vienna's Sport Medicine Institute says getting over-excited in the heat can be fatal, so if you can't have sex "calmly" during the day, do it in a cold shower. But betting on World Cup games gets you more worked up than sex, so it might be even more dangerous. My new business plan: OTB's with showers.
"How to look good naked" is a new
tv show BBC television programme. So, how do you look good naked? My answer was going to be "wear clothes," but it turns out on the programme they suggest you wear clothes.
How much gas do you release a day? A. one cup, B. one half gallon, C. one gallon, D. I don't know, but I measure in BTUs. Answer: The flatulence guru knows all. And also where to get the washable and reusable dog thong fart neutralizer you've been looking for. "Flatulence Odor Control Products for Those Who Care!" And who doesn't care?
Lend a hand. Position open: sperm tester job for couples (gay or straight). Apply here. You have to write a personal essay that begins "We would be great Sperm Testers because...", but you only get 15 words to complete it. Think you can do it? Finish the sentence and post it in the comments section: We would be great Sperm Testers because...
That's just super. Sometimes it's not so super being a superhero. SuperBecca and Spiderman have bad days on youtube.
Electric company. Superpowers unite! ElectraWoman and DynaGirl merge websites.
The wiener is... The annual Nathan's hot dog eating contest celebrates American will to power-eating and our right to have our fat asses kicked by technologically-advanced Japanese.
Overdue. A guy in Nampa, Idaho, checked “The Joy of Gay Sex” out of the library and won't give it back. He's doing this to protect kids from the book. Happy (but not joyous or gay) 4th of July.
Thanks to Ken and Resident Clinton. Send personal essays and intersmut to amanda at wfmu dot org.