"You ate the food, you drank the wine, do the right thing." Let's say you're on a date. The check comes. You offer to split it, but the guy picks it up. You like him and you think you want to go out with him again, but you go out of town, and before you can make plans, he hits you up for your half of the bill. The guy is Darren, the girl is Joanne, and they are this year's Internet It couple. Read the email trail, or listen to Darren ask Joanne to pay, threaten to issue a summons and call her employer, confirm that he is not letting this go (duh), and tell her that he is asking China Grill to follow up with her (all .wav files, also on site with emails). Think it can't be true? Oh, I think it be. The JDateyness of it is giving Mel Gibson a woody.
"This is the epitome of community service." Or as CNN.com put it, "Boy George gets hot, stinky karma" for falsely reporting a burglary. When the cops came, they found cocaine. George's community service will be cleaning city streets for the sanitation department, not performing a charity concert as he had hoped. Which goes to show that criminals only learn how to be better criminals after they get through the system--he's just going to know how to clean up better before the cops come.
"Inappropriate clothing worn so close to a river 'could provoke dangerous temptations and behaviour.'" There's a new 38 euro penalty for going nude, topless, or in a thong on Paris Plage, the summertime beach along the Seine. I can't figure out if it's pro-rated per naked body part, but the order forbidding the exposure of flesh says "Behaviour must conform to good morals, tranquillity, safety and public order," so it seems easy to enforce, like obscenity laws.
"We know from talking to patients and clinics that there is only one active sperm donor covering the whole of Scotland." Sperm donors are in short supply since the British government decided to let children find out the identity of the donors. The good news is that it will be really easy to track down your dad, since there's just the one guy.
"Said John Wank Miller, supervisor of Baltimore's marriage license department: 'The annotated code of Maryland gives you a definition of marriage that has nothing to do with animals.'" I just wanted to quote a guy whose middle name is Wank. If something is your middle name, you can leave it out, right? But if it's Wank, why would you? The article is supposedly about some hipsters who had a mock wedding to their Chihuahuas and tarantulas to make some unclear political point and drink Yuengling, but to me it's all about John Wank Miller, supervisor of Baltimore's marriage license department.
"The rooster's head was not located." A man accused of biting the head off his pet rooster says he was just trying to teach it a lesson for attacking his pet pigeon. Lesson learned. ASPCA releases x-ray of different headless rooster, i.e. dinner. Not sure what the lesson is, but wondering what's for dinner.
"It's like brain surgery," he said. "I didn't even know if it was possible." Las Vegas sign made from Las Vegas poker cards and Las Vegas poker chips in Las Vegas. OK, I got a little off message there. Hang on...World's largest strip poker tournament. Better?
Thanks to Bryce, Ken, Jessica, and my hero Andrew, without whom this post would not be possible, because he hauled my air-conditioner up from the basement on a rather steamy day. Thanks, Big Guy! (Tip of the day: you can always get guys to help you by calling them "Big Guy" a lot.)