365 Days #10 - Play It Safe! Vol. 4 (mp3)
MP3:
Play It Safe! Vol. 4 (47:45)
This is one of the best records in my collection. I have a thing for spoken word records, and this is by far the best spoken word record I've ever heard. I usually like to play this record for people without telling them what it was intended for, to see if they can guess why anyone would buy it. The idea is straightforward enough: you put this record on in repeat mode while you're out of the house in order to fool potential burglars into thinking someone's home. Like those automatically light timers, except for sound. Of course, it would be far easier and more convincing just to leave the TV or radio on, but that wouldn't be NEARLY as much fun!! Plus, this is in STEREO so you're sure to get the extra added illusion that the voices are coming from different parts of the room!
The truly great thing about this record is all in the execution. The couple bantering back and forth here presumably had kind of a rough script they were following, and sort of semi-improvised their banal conversation. It's actors trying to sound as inconspicuously actor-ish as possible. Add to this the fact that, as per the instructions on the jacket, you're supposed to play it at a level where someone standing outside the house can hear that there's people talking inside without being able to make out what's being said, and to me that's a recipe for pure performance art! (In fact, I've considered staging a performance with two actors, using this LP as the entire backdrop.)
Another thing is that this is Vol. 4, of supposedly at least a four volume series! What do the other couples sound like?? This one is sort of a New York Jewish couple. The jacket says "The people talking on the PLAY IT SAFE record are like you. They talk about the things you talk about every day... day or night." Well, what if i don't happen to be a New York Jewish couple?? Are there alternatives on the other volumes? And if so, why doesn't it say on the jacket what sort of couple I'm getting?? What if I need the "disfunctional white trash" couple??
There are detailed instructions included for rigging up a whole myriad of different types of turntables with a twist-tie (included in the jacket) so the record will properly repeat over and over until you come home. Sucks to be you if your burglar decides to eavesdrop on an entire side of the record and figures out your clever little scheme! Maybe he'll steal your turntable and then you'll really be a sitting duck!
- Contributed by: Pea Hix
Images: Front Cover, Back Cover, Special Reusable Ties
Media: 12" LP
Album: Play It Safe! Vol. 4
Label: Penta Sales Corp.
Date: 1972
egads! that's a tough one!
"i eat so many of these boiled eggs, they get stuck in my throat."
Posted by: fatty jubbo | January 10, 2007 at 12:55 PM
If I wanted to stop burglars using a pre-recorded voice, I'd download a podcast of David Emory and put that on repeat. The thieves would pause for a minute as they listen, then get drawn in, and before long: FACISTS! EVERYWHERE!
They wouldn't make it to the door.
Posted by: Nicholas | January 10, 2007 at 01:51 PM
play this loud to keep EVERYONE at distance: http://www.primatesociety.com/Into/CD/cd.html
Posted by: ba | January 10, 2007 at 02:36 PM
-Look, I'm gonna get some coffee; do you want some?
-Yeah, I'll have some. Black.
-Black?
-Right.
[pause]
-You want it black?
-Yep.
-Want anything to eat?
-Naw. . . . Put a little sugar in it, will ya? . . . I think I'll have some cream, too.
Awesome.
Posted by: TheGoodReverend | January 10, 2007 at 03:24 PM
It sounds like nearly every podcast I've heard last year, only more interesting.
It's the Murray and Patty Goldstein show, streaming on the web every wednesday!
Posted by: Chardman | January 10, 2007 at 03:25 PM
I am forever in your debt. This is the funniest thing I have ever heard...
Posted by: Mark | January 10, 2007 at 03:31 PM
So, is the disc recorded on only one side?
Posted by: BAO | January 10, 2007 at 03:53 PM
no, it's two sides, i just edited them together into one long program. ba's link reminded me a bit of "shut up little man!" which would also be a great thing to play to keep the burglars at bay!!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shut_Up,_Little_Man!
Posted by: pea hix | January 10, 2007 at 04:01 PM
That's even funnier, then. I mean, if it's on replay and you're out of the house, how would the record get turned over?!
Posted by: BAO | January 10, 2007 at 04:04 PM
The whole bit about the car is too argumentative for my liking. I want the CIA spooks bugging my house to think that everyone who lives here gets along well.
Posted by: Milan | January 10, 2007 at 05:58 PM
The guy's accent sorta makes him sound like Rocky.
Posted by: Ando | January 10, 2007 at 06:05 PM
I agree with Milan. The whole conversation seems pretty pissy, no matter the topic.
Posted by: Henry | January 10, 2007 at 06:13 PM
The guy was totally baiting her by bringing up the car. "Does the car drive funny to you? Well not to me!"
Posted by: Zed | January 10, 2007 at 06:15 PM
I can't believe I just listened to the whole thing. I also can't believe it was so entertaining.
Posted by: Sumana | January 10, 2007 at 07:27 PM
I create a Pando package of this mp3 in case BoingBoing drives the bandwidth usage up. Requires Pando to download, but it's free, small and contains no malware:
Get it here.
Posted by: Scott | January 10, 2007 at 08:54 PM
Jeezum Crow! This is for real? Too funny.
Hey, I remember the good old days talking about when I was 14........and a half! The woman sounds like a sweet NY Jewish girl, but the guy sounds like an Irish/Italian from Boston.
I wonder how many copies of vol. 1 thru 4 were sold. I bet they're priceless today.
Posted by: Corona | January 11, 2007 at 09:42 AM
She caves way too easily to his bullshit. I bet they're divorced by Volume 3.
Posted by: Joe P. | January 11, 2007 at 10:31 AM
Wow. I have the same kind of record (does that qualify as a genre?), except that it's barking dogs. It's called "beware of dog", and I wish I could remember if the actual sound is just a looping band of puppies or maybe a pack of hungry junkyard mongrels.
Posted by: bohus blahut | January 11, 2007 at 12:02 PM
Who knew I could have been marketing those hour-long voice mails I get on my cell phone everytime someone accidently calls me cell phone and then doesn't hang up. Then again, the evesdropping burglars might eventually wonder why Aunt Mildred is yelling for the god damn light to turn green ...
Posted by: Rob O'Hara | January 11, 2007 at 12:52 PM
This sounds a lot like curb your enthusiasm to me...love it!
Posted by: Nick | January 11, 2007 at 01:11 PM
by the way, if anyone wants to try out that recipe for "baubles, bangles & beads," lemmeno how it goes.
Posted by: pea hix | January 11, 2007 at 01:33 PM
Absolutely brilliant. Too bad they don't ever get into why they don't have any children of their own, although after listening to a "typical" night at home, that's probably for the best.
Posted by: Hear It Wow | January 11, 2007 at 02:30 PM
Love it. Left it on repeat at my apartment yesterday; from outside, it does sound like a couple bickering. Forgot to tell my girlfriend. Terrified her when she got home.
Posted by: Max Sparber | January 11, 2007 at 04:35 PM
Wow. This needs to be transcribed and posted. Next will come flash animations featuring squiggly-lined cartoons. I can no longer sleep. I NEED to know what is on the other 3 volumes. I think Pea Hix might've been right:
Vol 1: Southern white trash couple
Vol 2: Boston Bramin couple
Vol 3: Detroit black couple
Vol 4: New York Jewish couple
Obviously you'd choose the closest record to your region or income level. There must've been others. ;-)
Posted by: Biks Wigglesworth | January 11, 2007 at 05:43 PM
I was listening to it in the background while cleaning the apartment and, this is juvenile I know, but I would swear that one of them breaks wind at 8:24.
Posted by: Conn H. | January 11, 2007 at 09:28 PM