Who keeps the metric system down? Gay black masons do.
I love New York, but not that way. New York City is the country's HIV/AIDS capital, and to deal with that we're going to start giving out free condoms, which will be branded like subway lines with color-coded foil packets. Next up: actual full body subway condoms you put on for protection before any mass-transit experience.
Santa's Butt is comin' to town. Confirming my belief that New England is one cranky-ass place, the Maine Bureau of Liquor Enforcement is finally allowing Santa's Butt Winter Porter to be sold just in time for Martin Luther King Day.
We'll leave the light on for you. Of course we all see motel rooms like this and think about renting porn and doing dirty, dirty things. OK, maybe it's just me and the way boring postcards make me shiver with delight. via MUG
You know what would be like so funny? If we filled condoms with flour to look like we were drug traffickers as a joke and I took them on an airplane during my college vacation and got arrested for being a drug trafficker and then sued for having my civil rights violated and got $180k. Who's got the oregano and dime bags for spring break?
Sex education:
- The Catholic Church can resist everything except quoting Oscar Wilde.
- Did Thomas Hardy's wife, crazy-lady Emma Hardy, have syphilis? Poems suggest yes, and we know there's only one way to read poetry, so it's a slam dunk case.
- A hotel ledger provides evidence that supports a long-held suspicion that Freud slept with his sister-in-law. Freud is my hero so just shut up, ok. Shut UP. I can't hear you. Lalalalala. Yay therapy!
Shoe size is everything. Did you know short guys walk on tippy toes when they wear shoe lifts, just like girls in high heels?
News of the nude: Naked yoga, naked dance, naked male church calendar, naked art. Al Gore is right: this global warming shit is having serious consequences. Put some clothes on, people!
Waaah. I want my robot mommy.
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