This Week in Sex: Keep Your Hands Where I Can See Them

[Just a few more days to get in the running for the Bucket of Smut. Any donation of $75 or more gets you the tons of swag you're entitled to, plus a chance to get more tawdry items than you will know what to do with. Details after the jump. Hint: iPod + vibrator = hot new gizmo all the kids will be wearing on the subway.]

It's the time of year when we don't eat meat on Fridays but we do give thanks that WFMU doesn't play commercials, ever. Not even the ones with guys accidentally/on-purpose kissing via gooey rods of chocolate candy and then waxing their chests in a frenzy. Anyway, Ken and Andy already do that, and not just during Seven Second Delay. It's their "private thing."

There's a really boring new Coke ad on tv. A middle-aged white couple are at a restaurant having dinner. He puts a Coke cap on the table and she says, "I should have married Howard Finklestein," and we get some shots of kooky Howard. Cut back to the table and the Coke cap has become two tickets to Hawaii. Aw, honey! You're so getting laid tonight. Tagline: Thanks for drinking. (Which seems vaguely alcoholic, but nevermind.)

So the ad is endlessly boring, except that when you've seen it the millionth time you start to think about the part where the guy uncaps the Coke. He's reaching under the table to unscrew the 20 oz. bottle that he likes to bring to restaurant meals in his crotch. She looks shocked at his efforts. As well she should, because he looks like he's jerking off. No wonder she thinks she should have married Howard Finklestein -- he could probably keep it in his pants during dinner.

I'll buy you a Coke and open it under the table if you can find the video of this commercial online. Until then, you can watch the White Stripes Coke ad because Jack White say it's the right thing to do. But pledging your love to WFMU is righter. Bucket of Smut after this commercial break.

The Bucket of Smut is the coveted This Week in Sex fundraising marathon prize.

New this week: The OhMiBod vibrator hooks up to your iPod. Yes, you heard me right. Rock the night away to Rock the Night away, though that would not personally be my choice. You can make an MP3 mix, and apparently people are posting their love mixes on iTunes.

And also: The Magical Cone. (They just call it The Cone, but I threw in the magical part.) The Cone is not your grandma's vibrator, unless she's very flexible, which I'm sure she is--I'm not dissing your grandma. She could probably kick my ass. Its more that this isn't an inny-outty vibrator like you (or your grandma) are used to. And it makes a great decorating accent on your nightstand.

So to recap, for your donation of $75 or more, you get in the running for this wad of generously donated contraband:

• From the rockers at OhMiBod, a sleek and shiny OhMiBod pleasure toy that hooks up to your iPod.
• From the hip grandmas at The Cone, one fresh pink The Cone, served as if by a butler.
• From Good Vibrations: DVDs, doodads, and an Aneros prostate-perineum stimulator (that´s a butt plug for boys for those of you who need it simplified, or the top-of-the-line butt plug for boys, for those of your who need it fancified).
• From Babeland: a bucket within a bucket overflowing with goodness/badness, assembled by Babeland education coordinator and longtime WFMU fan Carolyn, so you know it will be extra-special.
• From artist Kim Galibert, art. Kim is a sculptor who is generously donating a gorgeous metal vagina sculpture. You can have her him make a custom sculpture of...anything...down to the 1/1000". (News flash: Kim is a man, baby!)
• And a big pile of New York City condoms. Thanks, Howard!

Here's how you can get in on the action:

1. You pledge $75 or more to WFMU online now, or by calling (800) 989-9368 from March 5 to March 18.
2. You get all the swag and dj premiums you already get for pledging your favorite show.
3. You send an email to amanda (at) wfmu (dot) org, mentioning the Bucket, to get in the

running for the prize. You don't have to give anything extra.
4. After the marathon, we'll pick a winner from the people who have donated $75 or more and emailed me.

If you have any questions, email me at amanda at wfmu dot org.

Comments

[unrequested backrub]

http://www.adcritic.com/content/coke-finklestein07.html

[Unknown User]

adcritic.com is a pay site.

No coke for you!