More Shemp Than I Know What To Do With

Improbable as it seems, my Shemp obsession crested almost fifteen years ago. It's been a long haul--from Besser Boulevard to DeRita Junction--I've been up and down Stoogeville and back. Having successfully banished Shemp Howard's ceaseless cries of pain and pleasure from my inner casaba, I can now finally work within the system. Heck, I'm a credit to my community at this point. My career as a NYS licensed organ grinder has brought stability and a reluctant tolerance amongst the townsfolk that I would've never imagined. I treat my profession like the way I treat my various worker monkeys: with respect and caution. (And diapers with shotglass-sized holes cut out for the tail.) This is the kind of gig where you get back exactly what you put into it. Some days it's sawbucks, some days it's bananas. Life is sweet now, sure--I can talk about it--even laugh about it; but years ago those Shemp voices in my head triggered my every waking thought, my every waking action--every goddamned Shemp Howard day of the week.

Nineteen Ninety-four: My dubious contribution to the FMU marathon was the Shemp Meditation Tape Volume 2. What a surprise. The usual frenzy of voices in my head compelled me to assemble an audio cassette tape of more Soothing Sounds to Shemp By. An unasked for sequel if there ever was one. Following the non-success of the Shemp Meditation Tape Volume 1, I once again strung up my cockroach festooned apartment thusly: A microphone pointed in the general direction of a TV set unspooling videotaped Shemp-era Three Stooges two-reelers, quarter-inch reel-to-reel Ampex tape running down the hallway at seven and a half inches per second--Mousetrap-like, speeding past pencils sticking out of thread spools held down to the floor with duct tape, bounced into two reverb guitar pedals, ricocheted into a Radio Shack 4-track mixer and then knocked back into the  Old Man's reel-to-reel Sony Furshluginner from Nineteen-fifty-something. What led to and what happened after that, I couldn't tell you--especially today. I was on a sleepless Shempified mission back in my clueless youth and fully under the impression that I was not alone. I listen back to these tapes and wonder what the hell I was thinking about. I realize now that neither mind nor flesh could resist the ethereal Eee Beee Beee Beeee--the calls to arms for chucklefucks everywhere to rise and to conk their collected coconuts to the funny sound effects glory of OW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW!!

So here's The Shemp Meditation Tape Volume 2. You might want to operate heavy machinery while listening to this.

Pain (MP3)
Sleep (MP3)

Comments

[bartelby]

I've got no computer speakers here at work but I can't wait to get home and lose myself amid the Sargasso Sea that is Shemp.

[Joe]

If William Basinski ever loses it completely, "Sleep" is what his records will sound like.

[michael c]

The fact that Mr. Spazz (and his Shemp tapes) never were chosen as the greatest example of "sound art" in a Whitney Biennial is a crushing indictment of the art world.

[Listener #109577]

Shemp tapes are what you would get if Terry Riley mated with Kurt Schwitters -- are you listening, Kenny G?!!

[Jim]

Shemp's shorts were occasionally surreal; I recall the one with some demonic bat, when in close-up, turned out to have Shemp's face (scarier than expected!). Shemp was also in Hellzapoppin', a film you should feature here. He also served up absinthe to W.C. Fields in The Bank Dick, and of course Bruce Campbell and Sam Raimi followers know all about their intrigue with the Three Stooges...

[jtm]

Many thanks. Now I can hee bee bee bee bee all night long.

[mister caz]

whoa.
thanks a lot.
I can't wait to hear it.
Philip Glass style would be nice also.

[Dave the Locust]

Boruch Ha SHEMP!

[Adam Eleven]

"Sleep" sounds like a bizarre & much better interpretation of Steve Reich's Pendulum Music, recorded while operating a nuclear plant close to a fatal melt-down. Sensationally soothing effect - should replace your stack of Raymond Scott records that you used to play to your little-ones in the midnight hour. Congratulations!

[Adam Eleven]

Music as it should be.

[Adam Eleven]

"Sleep" sounds like a bizarre & much better interpretation of Steve Reich's Pendulum Music, recorded while operating a nuclear plant close to a fatal melt-down. Sensationally soothing effect - should replace your stack of Raymond Scott records that you used to play to your little-ones in the midnight hour. Congratulations!