When you move to certain neighborhoods in Brooklyn and your last name is "Berg," a trigger sets a ball bearing down its track, which bumps into a lever that engages a pulley, sending an egg careening towards a pot of boiling water, and all of a sudden you discover that someone has taken the liberty of adding you to certain mailing lists. Postal profiling?
Of course, I enjoyed receiving Brooklyn Borough President Marty Markowitz' annual Happy Passover letter, (and waving it victoriously in front of my roommate at the time, who has a less fortunate, non-Berg surname, and was thus excluded from this illustrious mailing list). On other occasions, I would receive long diatribes in Hebrew or Yiddish (neither of which I understand), some featuring curious photos of old Hasidic men casting ballots into a black box. However, one of my unsolicited junkmail pamphlets surpassed all others in terms of intrigue:
Without the language skills required, what the hell was I to make of this nefarious piece of junkmail other than "Chinese Baby Auction"? This not-for-profit group is clearly proud of auctioning off 334 babies, building families one soul at a time with your help. Incredible! I wanted so badly to believe even half of the tale this pamphlet appeared to relay that I put off showing it to WFMU's resident translator and superstar of JM in the AM, Nachum, for fear of inevitable disappointment. The true story behind this junkmail is far too terrible and pedestrian to discuss here.
What's the best piece of junkmail you ever received?