Dear Geek or Geekette,
It's about time you listened to this record,you grit-eatin idiot. You are looking at the greatest single achievement in the history of the human race. This record features the actual physical image of the Great one, the king of men, Fred Blassie, immortalized for all time on a hunk of cheap wax. Not to mention the most memorable, heartwarming and beloved music and prose ever captured in the recording studio.
Now you can sit there, in the privacy of your own dump, with yer beer gut hanging out and that blemish-ridden pot-of-oil you call an old lady, and the two of you can slop around for hours on end staring at my gorgeous likeness on the album jacket, while you listen to my golden pipes crooning away.
Sometimes it's tough to be as great as I am. When I was born that geek doctor was so taken with my beautiful voice that he kept on slappin' my butt just to hear a few more notes. I finally had to bite off one of his fingers.
And a word of advise for all you punk rock pinheads, new wave nitwits, and heavy metal meatballs trying to make a career out of imitating the great Fred Blassie, you've been sitting aroun' staring at that rotten MTV so long your brains have leaked out and now you think you can come aroun' here and stink up my wrestling arena. just remember,you can scream, punch, puke and pogo till your ass falls off, but you'll never be Blassie. Until next time good night, good luck and Good Riddance.
Media: 12" 45
Album: Nothin' But A Pencil Neck Geek
Catalog: RNEP 502
Date: Produced by Johnny Legend
- Contributed by: The ToD