Kurt Russell vs Patrick Swayze

When I was a kid I thought that Kurt Russell was the coolest guy in the world. He was tough, mean, trashy, funny, and even kicked demon ass in Big Trouble in Little China. And yeah, he was Snake Plissken. But outside of the John Carpenter films, he didn't do much for me.

At the same time I hated Patrick Swayze. Of course, this is the time that Dirty Dancing had taken over the world: from an omnipresent soundtrack, to the fact that every girl in my high school was obsessed with it. Heck, I had a girlfriend that used to come home and watch it on VHS every day during lunch break. And through it all I couldn't help but watch the movie and think that Swayze was such a pussy, if you'll pardon my 17-year-old vernacular.

Over the years, my positions have changed, and it seems like I am constantly see-sawing back and forth between these two cheesy American actors. But why them in particular? Well, despite each starring in some of my favorite all time bad movies (Big Trouble in Little China and Road House, to be specific), I have also come to realize that Russell and Swayze are like the dark and light versions of the same male macho fantasy. And so, I decided, in good manly fashion, to pit them against each other in a no-holds-barred career grudge match. You may be a sensitive Swayze type or smart-ass Russell wanna-be, but either way, the parallels will astound you.

Competition rounds after the jump!

ROUND ONE - Debut
Russell:
Movie debut in It Happened at the World's Fair - kicks Elvis in the shins.
Swayze:
Started as a dancer with "Disney On Parade" (as Prince Charming) after studying ballet. Underwear model.

Winner: Russell. Hard to top debuting with Elvis.

ROUND TWO - Rise
Russell:
Signed by Walt Disney himself to star in films like The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes, The Barefoot Executive (about a chimp who runs a TV station), and Superdad. He whores for Disney a bit more in this clip where he visits the opening of Disneyland's Haunted Mansion along with Donny Osmond.

Swayze:
Hit Broadway in Grease, then his movie debut in roller skating comedy Skatetown USA with Scott Baio, the Unknown Comic, and some tiny 70's shorts.

Winner: Russell. A franchise unto himself before he even hit puberty.

ROUND THREE - Breakthrough
Russell:
Broke out of child actor status by playing Elvis for TV movie directed by John Carpenter.

Swayze:
High profile role in Coppola's teen drama The Outsiders. Unfortunately upstaged by Ralph Macchio and C. Thomas Howell, and Matt Dillon, and...

Winner: Russell. From kicking the King to playing the King - that's quite a career boost.

ROUND FOUR - Those early 80s
Russell:
Sleazy but loveable used car salesman in 'the Porky's of car sales', Used Cars.

Swayze:
Kicks ass in Red Dawn, the a wonderfully unPC anti-commie scare flick.

Winner: Swayze. John Milius trumps Robert Zemeckis for sheer bravada any day.

ROUND FIVE - Action Jacksons
Russell:
String of crazy action hits with Carpenter include Escape From NY, The Thing, and Big Trouble in Little China.

Swayze:
One, two, three ass-kickin' roles: Road House, Next of Kin, Point Break.

Winner: Tie! All six of these films remain utterly enjoyable.

ROUND SIX - Loooove
Russell:
Married Goldie Hawn and starred in romatic duds Swing Shift and Overboard.

Swayze:
Oooey, gooey lover in Ghost. Better acting than Demi and more tolerable than Whoopi. The ladies go crazy.

Winner: Swayze. I never want to see the dang film again but it was, what, the biggest romantic hit of all time or something? And this from one of the Zucker Brothers? Now, that's a feat.

ROUND SEVEN - Miscast
Russell:
Poorly matched with Stalone in buddy comedy Tango and Cash (in a role turned down by Swayze).

Swayze:
Black Dog proves that Swayze can't play a trucker at all.

Winner: Russell. Swayze dropped the ball on that one, because Tango became a hit... and an overused comedy punchline.

ROUND EIGHT - Kitsch and Camp
Russell:
Kitsch. In 3000 Miles to Graceland he practically destroys his pro-Elvis past by playing one of a pair of criminal Elvis impersonators (along side Kevin Costner).

Swayze:
Camp. Dons drag for To Wong Fu... Not a great flick, but hey, he's in drag!

Winner: Swayze. Russell has done the Elvis thing before, and much better, but Swayze actually looks pretty good all dressed up. You know, in a Charles Busch sort of way.

ROUND NINE - Career Low
Russell:
Captain Ron - as a salty sea dog opposite Martin Short and precocious kids.

Swayze:
Father Hood - as an ex-con dad opposite unknown Halle Berry and even more precocious kids.

Winner: Tie. How either of these films made it past the pitch meeting is one of life's great mysteries.

ROUND TEN - Comeback Role
Russell:
Quentin Tarantino's Death Proof. Crazy stunt man with killer car.

Swayze:
Donnie Darko. Motivational speaker and pedophile.

Winner: Swayze. Tarantino can fart out a "classic", but the sheer originality of Darko was a breath of fresh air. Plus, Swayze finally explores his creepy side...and makes hilarious fake infomercials.

ROUND ELEVEN - Missed Opportunities
Russell:
Escape From LA. Everybody wanted to see this film...until they saw this film. Might blame that on Russell, since he tried his hand as co-writting the script.

Swayze:
Tried to go Western as Pecos Bill in Disney's Tall Tale. Nobody fell for it.

Winner: Russell. At least we were really excited to see it that first time.

ROUND TWELVE - Stretching those skillz
Russell:
Does serious drama in Silkwood, Backdraft and Tombstone, showing that he can stretch beyond the action/comedy genre. Unfortunately he is completely upstaged by much better actors in every film.

Swayze:
In 50s/80s juggernaut Dirty Dancing he acts, dances, is a master of the put-down ("Just put your little pickle on the plate, college boy", "Nobody puts baby in a corner!), and he sings! "She's Like the Wind" tops the pop charts.

Winner: Swayze. Man, for a year or so that guy was just un-fucking-stoppable.

ROUND THIRTEEN - Real tough guys
Russell:
Does his own stunts and driving - even in Death Proof.

Swayze:
While flying his single engine plane solo, crash landed his plane in the desert and hitchhiked to a telephone on his own. And still did his own sky diving in Point Break.

Winner: Swayze. Though Werner Herzog could whoop them both.

ROUND FOURTEEN - Personal beliefs
Russell:
NRA member and best man at Ted Nugent's wedding. Doesn't really subscribe to any religious belief.

Swayze:
Religious fluctuations moved from Roman Catholic to Baptist to Buddhist and finally Scientologist, before setting on agnostic (for the moment). Also a recovering alcoholic.

Winner: Really depends on your politics. 

THE OVERALL WINNAH = ???
Swayze has the looks the ladies love, the moves the men envy, and the action star charisma to knock you out of your seat. Heck, you could tell that even Ben Gazzara had a little crush on him during Road House. Russell has that all American swagger down, can give off an easy average-guy feel, and his work with John Carpenter is nothing short of classic. And he does do a mean Elvis.

But who is superior? I myself will not open that can of worms... I like to think of them as brothers, actually. Russell is like the lazy one, swilling beer and making quips on the couch as his spacey brother Swayze is out back doing his tai chi to a crowd of ladies.

For Kurt fans:

For Swayze fans:

Comments

[Dan Taylor]

Fun post but to compare Russell with Swayze is like comparing filet mignon to salisbury steak. Russell is far from a "cheesy American actor" and has more than carried his own in everything from his iconic roles to even such throwaways as CAPTAIN RON (which, personally, I think is hysterical). Lets put it this way... when Russell gets recognized with an honorary Oscar 15 or 20 years from now, Swayze'll be face down in a pile of pages for POINT BREAK 7.

[vjb2]

One thing about Russell's stint as a Disney creation: His name was supposedly the last thing Walt Disney wrote down before he croaked in 1966. Sweet or creepy?

[sonick]

POINT BREAK 7??? How did I miss Point Break 2?

[Dale Hazelton]

I can happily say I opted out of seeing most of the movies. But I have a soft spot for Dirty Dancing - it was on the tube at the bar Sophies in the east village when my then girlfriend, now wife, came to the city to visit me back in the late 80s. It was crappy weather, Sunday at like 1:00 in the afternoon (do I know how to show a lady a good time?). That and the Saturday Night Live Chippendale audition bit he did with Chris Farley, or how Hanz and Franz both had gay fantasies about Swayze gives him the edge in my book. If I was going to have a beer with someone, it would be Russell though. He looks like he says the seven words you can't say on television.

[DanO]

GREAT POST!

Boy, i really enjoyed that exhaustive comparison and i want to thank you for your effort. Made my day. My opinion?

Kurt takes it because of some of the roles you overlooked(its okay, he's got a big career). His turn in Tombstone tips the scales in the action department for sure, and i don't think Swayze has done anything comparable to the Carpenter films.
"you tell 'em I'm comin'!... and HELLS comin' with me!!"
Most notable of all though is his exceptional performance in Grindhouse where he pretty much saved the entire movie. His beguiling, flawed persona as an aging stunt man with an evil twinkle in his eye saved not only Quentin's craptastic story, but thankfully cleansed the palate of the viewer from Robert Rodriguez's unwatchable zombie failure(seriously, how do you get a zombie movie wrong?). Then in the serious role department, Russell delivered once again in Miracle.

The guys has got it all. Here comes Kurt indeed.

[Kip W]

Footnote: Russell not only kicked Elvis in the shin, but Elvis paid him a quarter to do it! It doesn't change who won the round, but it's still worth mentioning. Great post. I might have to watch some movies when I get time.

[Dan Taylor]

POINT BREAK 2 is coming, probably in 2008. Channel News Asia reported in May that original PB scripter Peter Ilhiff is currently writing a sequel, tentatively titled POINT BREAK 2 which he will also direct.

Naturally, Keanu Reeves plans to be too busy shooting another shitty movie with Sandra Bullock (has anybody else seen this LAKE HOUSE thing?) so you can scratch Johnny Utah but plans do call for Patrick Swayze to return to the role of adrenaline junkie and bank robbber Bodhi for the follow-up.

[zach]

KURT RUSSELL! the fact that he is Snake Plisken puts him MILES ahead anything the Swayze has ever done.

[marcus graap]

They should make a film together to boost both their careers. Imagine it, Swayze and Russel playing two washed up actors desperate to get that Travoltan come-back hit. Wacky situations ensues (eg Russel slahes Swayzes tires on the way to an audition/ Swayze cock blocks a date for Russel etc). And it doesn't even have to be a cheesy comedy kinda thing. Somebody pitch this to Wes Anderson....

[Christopher Gallo]

Swayze is a little punk-prettyboy, Russell is the fire-ahead badass that he always was. And while Swayze WAS the bomb in DONNIE DARKO, Russell stomps him in USED CARS, which is indeed better than RED DAWN. C'mon, man.

[valido]

Russell's career tops are three badass movies with John Carpenter. Swayze's career tops are two chick flicks and the most homoerotic movie of all time (Point Break). I say no contest.

[Resident Clinton]

Marcus - you have the best idea, ever!

And as for John Carpenter trumping the homoeroticism of Point Break or the special joy of lame "chick flicks" - I say they all fit in the same category of lovable runny cheese.

[ghtx]

Great post, but it's inexcusable that you omitted the Swayze/Chris Farley Chippendales sketch. This is like comparing Dante to Shakespeare but leaving Hamlet off the table.

[jgiles]

I thought you made a pretty interesting and credible comparison between two of Hollywood's most "unique" actors. One thing you did get wrong, however, was that Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn are not married. They live together as partners/companions, but have never exchanged vows. That's mostly common knowledge, but the rest of the blog was great, so it's not that important of a detail, I guess.

[Chris]

Back in the day I used to confuse them, I always thought that the guy who starred in Dirty Dancing was the same guy who starred in Big trouble in little China. Mind you, I was only 10 back then but they do look kinda the same, don't they?

[Ronin]

This video is also an excellent argument in favor of Swayze's all encompassing awesomeness.

[Yolanda]

How about Russell in "Backdraft?" I thought he was so good in that!

[TBA]

They already made Point Break 2--it was called The Fast and the Furious. And Diesel was way badder than Russell.

[Steve]

You know, there should actually be a third "brother" included: Jeff Bridges.

[PJ]

Interesting comparison, but a little unfair on Swayze if you take into consideration Russell's whole career, which has still been going pretty strong in recent years. In the drama category, you missed Vanilla Sky and in the action category you missed Breakdown. He also was the voice of Elvis in Forrest Gump, although that was uncredited. The John Carpenter movies alone are worth more than Swayze's career in both the action and drama stakes. Much credit to Swayze for Donnie Darko, but it's a minor role.

[Jarrod]

How come there's no Steel Dawn in there anywhere?

[Matt]

Your round five is way off. Next of Kin, Road House, and Point Break don't compare to Escape from NY, The Thing, and Big Trouble in Little China.

[Darwin]

This is like comparing Mark Fidrych and Greg Maddux. Patrick Swayze had a few years where he was indcredibly popular whereas Kurt Russell has been consistent his entire career (which is roughly equivalent to his life.) If all Kurt had ever done was his Dexter Riley movies he'd at worst be even with Swayze.

[Rus]

Hats off to a great and exhaustive comparison. While Kurt has Patrick beat by many a mile, it was still fun looking at the times and genres these two have been through.

Thanks for the effort. KURT is da man.

[Devon]

There should have been one more category: aging well. Last thing I saw Russell in was "Sky High" and he looked pretty good. Last thing I saw Swayze in was "Keeping Mum" and he looked like he'd made some very poor plastic surgery choices.