A few weeks ago, the always reliable Music For Maniacs posted a few tracks of demos from hopeful Christian artists. After the "Safe Sex Is Just a Fantasy Rap" quickly shot up to the top of my current favorites list, I decided to delve a little further and so headed over to the site where they were originally found, Those Unbelievable Believers: The Blessed Sounds of Incredible Christian Song Demos.
Within this site lay a treasure trove of religious amateur recordings (or B.S. - blessed sounds), from earnest country croonings, to Eagles songs reinterpreted, to professors proclaiming their faith, to kiddie Jesus raps, to some absolutely completely insane ramblings. All of these were lovingly compiled with hilariously sacrilegious commentary by one "Doc" (aka Deuce of Clubs). As an example of what to expect, here is Doc's handy chart of gospel demo song structure:
B) Some more middle
A) And . . . back to the beginning
B) Middle, middle, middle
B) More middle until you almost can't believe it, then:
C) Conclusion . . . or:
B) More middle—it gets hard to tell
B) Definitely more middle stuff here, finally shading to either
A) A New Beginning . . . or:
C) [Missing conclusion].
Follow the jump for 22 tracks of Christian demo madness!
Each track below is followed by a taste of the commentary on the Unbelievable Believers site. Since these come from mostly unlabeled demo recordings, there are no details on who these artists are. However, I did quote a bit of Doc's comments on each, and follow the blurb links for the full commentary and lyrics for each song.
Treasures in Heaven
"Judy has to be the name-checkingest crazy gospel singer since Larry Norman. Unlike Larry Norman, however, Judy mostly drops names of celebrities she has met only in her dreams, or by proxy, in the form of non-celebrities who Very Portentously have the same names as celebrities."(Full blurb)
We Are the Champions (of God)
"This xtian prog-rocker would have been better off discarding his Queen records - and better still if he had also discarded the Dominion theology that provoked him to write a hymn of Dominion that inadvertently backhands Dominion Prog-Rock Xtians with the exultation, "we are the losers . . . in our heads we're healed.""(Full blurb - including some hilarious asides)
His Eye Is on the Sparrow
"I strongly believe we can reach ecumenical agreement on it not being a good idea to think you're the next Mahalia Jackson if you sound like the next Lucia Pamela." (Full blurb)
Satan, You Lost, Lost, Lost
"It wouldn't surprise me if he was once one of those chanting Elizabeth Clare Prophet disciples and decided he wanted to be reincarnated as Roy Orbison instead." (Full blurb)
God, Give the Devil the Measles
"Another of those songs where some wise-ass xtian makes like a bratty little brother hiding behind the davenport with a peashooter, plinking at his sister's giant red evil prom date." (Full blurb)
Many thanks to Deuce of Clubs for allowing us to repost these. Besides collecting B.S., Doc is also working on an intriguing remix project involving a phone recoding in which 'I SHIT MY PANTS!' is loudly shouted (submissions welcome), and is the original chronicler of the mysteries of the Mojave Phone Booth (a MPB inspired CD is in the works, if you'd like to contribute).
Though based in Arizona, Doc is a long-time WFMU fan as well, and when I wrote him to repost some tracks he shared this anecdote: "I enjoy spreading the good news and confusion here by wearing my "investigate fish farm" shirt and WFMU cap. I was wearing the latter on the day i had to explain RTFM to my baptist ma. Shocked, she looked at my cap and said, "Then i definitely don't want to know what WFMU stands for!""