Archie Club News #21 - The Poems

Throughout the nineteen sixties, seventies and eighties, most issues of Archie Comics featured a two-page spread titled Archie Club News. The banner at the top of the page announced, "ARCHIE CLUB MEMBERS send in your reports and be eligible to win cash prizes in the Archie Series Magazines." The results of this venture were generally irrelevant notes sent in like, "Dear Archie, I want to tell you about my cat Winnie." Often what was sent in appeared to be part of a class project. Elementary school children were in the process of learning how to write letters and encouraged by a teacher to send something Riverdale way. Sometimes the letters were weird or even profound and other times prophetic or just silly.

Three types of letters appear again and again on the pages of Archie Club News. First, kids talking about their pets. Secondly, sycophantic praise for the Saturday morning Filmation Archie cartoon show. And thirdly, poetry (most of it written about Archie and the gang). Today, we showcase some of this poetry. For optimum effect, be certain to read these poems out loud, as they benefit from the drama of oration.

From Archie #182, June 1968:

Dear Archie:

TO THE KIDS WITH THE
  LONG STRINGY HAIR

Go to the store and buy a bottle of pop,
and on the way home stop at the barber shop.

Get up on his round swirling chair,
And let him cut your long stringy hair.

And then when he's all through with you,
I wonder if you'll wear pink or blue.

Annie Rice
212 Oxford Street
Portland, Me. 04111

Annie won third prize of two dollars for this issue.

From Archie and Me #23, February 1970:

Dear Archie.

I have a poem to dictate to you lucky people:

The Archies are the grooviest group around,
They always make the toughest sounds.
Archie and Reggie at the guitar,
The Archies are the neatest group by far.
With Jughead at the drums
The Archies ain't no bunch of crumbs
By Veronica the organ being played
Too bad the Archies ain't too much paid.
With Betty at the tambourine,
The Archies make the grooviest scene.
The Archies are out of sight,
They must be doing something right.

Mark Miller
Milton Dairy, Main Road
Milton, N.J.

Mark, deservedly, won first prize of five dollars for this issue.

Bunch more poems after the jump...

From Archie #202, August 1970

Dear Archie and Pals,

I've just recently become a member of your Fan Club. I think the Archie show is just great. It's so great, I wrote this poem about it.

There is a queer looking box in our livingroom
With a couple of doodads upon it
I touched one accidentally today
And now there's a picture upon it.

The picture was about the Archie Show
with Jughead, Veronica and Betty
And I remember Reggie and Hot Dog
Also Archie was in that confetti.

I enjoyed this show so very much
This box isn't queer anymore
For it brings the Archie show to me
Which I'd watch whether
rich or poor.

I think every girl and boy
should watch
The Archie show each time
For it's full of jokes and riddles
and sometimes even a rhyme.

Donna Blanchard
398 South Hill Street
Thunder Bay, Ontario
Canada

Donna's poem won first prize of five dollars for this issue. Incidentally, "This box isn't queer anymore," is also the phrase I heard the one and only time I slept with a lesbian.

From Archie #192, July 1969:

Dear Archie ...

Who's the swinginest group you've ever seen?
Why it's the ARCHIES.
Archie, Archie - Everything's Archie.
Always trying to help.
Always trying to swing.
Always making trouble out of every little thing.
Archie, Archie - Everything's Archie.
Who would ever think that a redheaded teen
Could start a ruckus that would stop a freight train
Everyone in town knows Archie.

Monetta Ewen
3415 Calais Drive
Jefferson Town, Ky.

Monetta's poem won first prize of five dollars for this issue.

From Archie #202, August 1970:

Dear Archie ...

I'll start with Archie, who likes to tangle,
He's lead singer in the hit Jingle Jangle.
Second comes Veronica who has ways to impress,
Everytime you see her she has on a new dress.
Then comes Reggie, himself he admires,
He plays dirty tricks and is the king of the admirers.
Fourth comes Betty who loves Archie dearly,
She's quite cute but not very girly.
Jughead is last, his hobby to eat,
If you hate girls, he's the one you should meet.

Jim Blood
828 White Street
Port Huron, Mich.

Jim's poem won second prize of three dollars for this issue.

From Life with Archie #137, September 1973:

Dear Archie ...

The Archie Club is fun for you,
It has Archie, Betty, and Veronica too.
And Jughead and Reggie to name only a few,
Gather around when school is through.

Whether it's winter or summer time fun,
You can see that they're having fun.

So give up the sad, and the what-to-do blues,
Just get out your pen, pal, and write,
to the Archie Club News.

Lisa Murdoch
939 Ryan Place
Kamloop B.C.
Canada

Lisa's poem, with her mis-spelled home town, won first prize of five dollars for this issue.

 

Comments

[Ganietzsche]

Young Mark Miller gets a bit Joycean: 'By Veronica the organ being played'

[Bren C.]

I loved the Archie Club News! I would send stuff to them all the time, but sadly never saw print. My fave piece detailed how Sabrina the Teenage Witch's family was what represented everything that was "wrong" about Riverdale (see, my mother was convinced that Archie Comics were filthy, and she lectured me about all the "evil" inside the covers frequently - even went so far as to tell my teachers to disallow me reading Archie Comics on school ground, and to tell on which of my classmates were fellow Archie fans). So everything I wrote was basically propaganda from my mother's perspective.

But I love this classic 1950's "Betty & Veronica" clip!
http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v76/hudsonduck/?action=view¤t=gun.jpg

[Bren C.]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v76/hudsonduck/gun.jpg