Is this a Coen Brothers film?

Dear Coens, here is my pitch for your next film:

A young cheerleader from North Carolina moves to Wyoming where she wins the state beauty pageant. Then she enrolls in graduate school at Brigham Young University where she becomes obsessed with Wayne Osmond (the second oldest Osmond). Wayne rejects her, but happiness is around the corner because she meets and falls in love with a 19-year-old Mormon classmate. They have a lot of sex. Alas, the Mormon is shamed by their sex-before-marriage and runs away to do missionary work. He leaves no forwarding address.

Our heroine then hires a pair of kooky private detectives who track the Mormon to London. She heads to the U.K., and with the help of a dim-witted accomplice, drugs the Mormon with Chloroform, kidnaps him, and scurries him away to a secluded farmhouse. There she ties the Mormon to a bed with furry handcuffs, and uses scriptures to beg him to marry her. When that doesn't work, she tries lots of sex. But the Mormon escapes, and when the police track down our heroine, she declares innocence, claiming that the Mormon could only orgasm while tied up. She sounds completely nutty in court  - "I loved him so much that I would have skied down Mount Everest in the nude with a carnation up my nose if he asked me to." - but has a Southern Belle style that makes the media go crazy for her.

Just before the formal trial, our heroine jumps bail and escapes to Canada with her accomplice. They are disguised as a pair of deaf-mute "mime artists".  She then hides out in Atlanta for a time disguised as a nun and she starts to pose nude for pin-up magazines.

Returning to Utah several years later, our heroine tries to kidnap the Mormon but fails. She has to jump bail again and flee the state.

Retiring to her home town, our heroine lives a quiet life raising Pit Bulls and freaking out the neighbors with outbursts and random threats. She's fallen into ill health and uses one of the dogs to pull her around in her wheelchair (back story: she liberated him from doggy death row after he attacked a pair of joggers). One day a strange dog attacks her and almost bites off her arm, but her prized Pit Bull Booger fights him off. Not long afterwards, Booger dies. Devastated, our heroine keeps one of his ears. Two years later, she uses her life savings and pays Korean scientists $53K to clone her dog. They give her a discounted rate because he was a hero. (Or was he?)

Our heroine proudly publicizes the story of Booger and her puppy clones, but is almost instantly recognized for her past indiscretions (using an alias that is merely her middle name was perhaps unwise). At first, she threatens a $10M libel suit on anyone who claims she is the same woman of sex scandal fame, but a day later she admits that it is indeed her. In regards to the Mormon, she still sounds nutty: "All I really wanted to do was see his blond little babies running around my home."

Yes, this pitch is actually the true story of Joyce Bernann McKinney. So many twists and turns, it's no wonder the tabloids can't control themselves. The movie version is going to be fantastic. Any casting ideas?

News reports: Background story, denial, admission. And don't miss the classic pulp trash book: Joyce McKinney and the Manacled Mormon.

Comments

[dm]

Laura Bush?

[fatty jubbo]

I saw this the other day and I was instantly fascinated. Almost as great as the DB Cooper mystery.

She has such a weird diabolical chesire cat smile on such an innocent face...but in the recent photo with her pitbull she looks just monstrous.

[motordog]

Wow...you don't say! Truth is stranger then fiction, right?

[Jeff Gee]

I vote for Amy Sedaris.

[illlich]

Shelly Long.

[sid bators]

Sean Young. (too close to home?)

[Norm]

Amy Sedaris!

ok, I'll say it - Winona Ryder.

[Colin The Culture Hunter]

Christina Ricci or Drew Barrymore.

I remember this case, the British tabloids went crazy for the story having them (her and her accomplice) dress up as nuns for one photo session for the Daily Mirror .

Found this on ebay though

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/Joyce-McKinney-and-the-Manacled-Mormom,-1978_W0QQitemZ200244953744QQcmdZViewItem?IMSfp=TL0808081249a19230

[Elisabeth]

Amy Sedaris, no question

[Hell's Donut House]

Sedaris? pfft. Streep.

[fatty jubbo]

and now! wanted in tennessee on a 2005 burglary charge!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080815/ap_on_re_us/cloned_dogs_tennessee

Her attorney said, "There was a strong aroma about her, and I told her this needed to be taken care of before I went to court with her."

[ebrow]

Your story on this innocent woman is perverted, libelous, and defamatory!! She was NEVER charged with raping a man--In England (according to Halsbury's Statues) a woman cannot be charged with raping a man"--especially a 300 pound 6'5" Mormon! This yarn was a PRESS HOAX concocted by Mormon PR teams who feared the fact that one of their street recruiters fell in love with her, might tarnish their multi-million dollar "missionary image". The young woman's life and Christian family were destroyed by the sick lies by scum such as you propagate!!! I happen to have known this fine lady for over fifty years, and I know personally that you and your Mormon and tabloid sickos are LIARS. I am turning this garbage of yours over to her libel attorneys. SEE YA IN COURT! .... P.S. You might be interested in knowing that she is writing her OWN screenplay about her life, and it will be the first time the TRUE story has ever been told. She is highly intelligent--a sweet girl with a Ph.D. in Film and an IQ of 168, and is NOT the blonde hussy you describe her as!) Maybe MICHAEL MOORE (who hates the Mormon cultists as much as she does) should get together for a film--At least HE knows what is going on with Mormonism and would relate to the cult's orchestrated attempt to discredit her!

[Clinton McClung]

Wow - I've been called a lot of things, but never a Mormon supporter. Take it back!