Seems there's definitely a bug at the WFMU lunch table, but even before Ryan Seacrest's
self-inflicted shark wound, I'd been worried about the increasing regularity with which the beasts have been attacking the celebs. Musicians, mostly. I mean that's who I'm worried about. It started in April, when I learned of Richard Thompson's run-in with a scorpion in Mexico. Here's 5 amazing true-life tales.
Richard Thompson v. the Scorpion Richard Thompson was once The Human Fly, and even tussled with The Lobster; but nothing fazed the scorpion who'd snuck into his Dirty Linen! While on vacation near Puerto Vallarta earlier this year, the legendary Fairport Convention founder was surprised by an uninvited member of the Centruroides Convention, who took fast action on the guitarist's picking hand! The resulting sting produced "throbbing pain in the bones of the right arm. Numbness and prickling in the right arm. Small spots of intense pain on the wrist and arm. Numbness in all fingers and toes. Numbness in the lips and scalp. Feeling of gravel in the throat." Fortunately, he's well on the road to recovery, and fans can Now Be Thankful all April's tour dates have been rescheduled for the fall.
Enjoy a firsthand report from Thompson's own site.
Jump the flip for mishaps starring Johnny Cash, Fabio, Minnie Riperton, and Kazu from Blonde Redhead
Minnie Riperton v. the Lion or "they said that he wanted to play with me". As Hatch reported on this very blog, while shooting the cover for her 1975 album Adventures in Paradise, the world's warmest singer was posed with a lion. A feisty lion. A feisty lion in a playful mood. Guess what, he pounced. Anyway, she's OK - and cameras were rolling, so you can bet she'll be screening some footage after giving the gory details to Sammy Davis Jr. and Richard Pryor!
As a total aside, you knew Maya Rudolph was her daughter, but holy crap, did you know Maya Rudolph was in The Rentals?! Me neither.
Fabio v. Bird cameras rolled as a kamikaze... let's say goose chose Harlequin's most pliable piece of granite to kiss the world g'bye upon. He sings, right? He merits inclusion here. Not much of a story, is it? Nope. Kinda zen though - worth contemplation. The whole story is easily told in the pic and one sentence. But that would leave a lot of very unseemly blank space on the blog. Fuckin' limitations of the form, this wouldn't happen on TV, right? Maybe I should've gone to them for some Fabio blurbage. I know a guy named Fabio, actually, and shocker of shockers, he's also almost unbearably handsome -- OK, that oughtta do it. moving on...
Johnny Cash v. Ostrich It's 1983 and Johnny steps out to check out the action at the zoo on his Tennessee ranch, when a resident ostrich expresses some disapproval of this move, with a swift kick to the gut!! This attack is allegedly responsible for putting Johnny back on the sauce for a spell. Read all about it.
Blonde Redhead v. The Horse singer / guitarist Kazu Makino was riding a horse in 2002. She fell off, ending up underneath him so he stepped on my face and shattered my jaw", knocking her out of commission for nearly 2 years. Thus the onetime NYC darlings missed out while the spotlight was in town. And yes, that's why all the damn horses all over their website. (thanks BT!)
Can you think of more? And can you think of any celebrity, musical or otherwise, who's actually been murdered by an animal, or is that just sick? (Steve Irwin doesn't count, nor does anyone else who's famous because of animals)
Cyndi Lauper v. another damn bird onstage in 2004, Cyndi Lauper was reaching for the climax of "Money Changes Everything", when an evil avian changed everything else with a different kind of deposit - right in the singer's wide open mouth! Hack splat. Thanks Gaylord!