Ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm golf clap out of sheer politeness and misguided empathy to the director/co-screenwriter duo and winners of this year's coveted Cinematic Stupidity Lifetime Acheivement Award, Michael Sucsy and Patricia Rozema.
They, along with HBO Films, have just wrapped up production on the remake (due in April 2009) of Grey Gardens. Grey. Gardens. The documentary. About Edith and "Little Edie" Bouvier Beale living in a filthy, unkempt mansion in the Hamptons? They remade a fucking documentary.
American film remakes couldn't be more Catch 21. Boy, Alfie sure wasn't a lock. No one could have seen an updated Italian Job coming. Directors, screenwriters and executive producers will latch onto and jump through any hoop to bring to fruition any damn plot structure or character outline from an original classic film if it means they won't have to force the right sides of their brains to run laps around the school.
I could punch up the coming attractions page at IMDB or Upcoming Films, find sixty remakes planned for 2009 and not even flinch. No more surprises here. That fridge has been raided so often even the catsup packets are gone. But a documentary? Making up Drew Barrymore to look 56 years old? Kill me now.