The all-news radio station I listen to in the morning features occasional “commentaries” by Charles Grodin. At first I thought they were meant as jokes because they’re so random, but they’re presented dead seriously—plus, they’re not actually funny. I had to google Charles Grodin to find out he’s a former actor who somehow has convinced people that his political opinions matter. Sort of like Ronald Reagan, but without the nuclear access (as far as I know). Beethoven vs. Bedtime for Bonzo.
Grodin’s radio commentaries are very brief, and they all follow the exact same format. That makes them painful to listen to, but it also makes it easy to construct your very own Charles Grodin Commentary as a game, like Charles Grodin Mad-Libs. Here’s how it goes:
The other day I was [common daily activity] when I suddenly noticed [really, really common daily occurrence]. I called my friend [name-drop D-list politico] and asked what s/he thought. S/he said I should [really, really, really obvious thing to do.] This is Charles Grodin, for CBS 880.
1. The other day I was walking down the street when I suddenly noticed my shoes were untied. I called my friend, former New York Republican State Senator Nick Spano, and asked him what he would do in a situation like that. He thought for a moment, then advised me to stop walking, lean over, and retie my shoelaces. Next time, I’m getting those shoes with the Velcro straps. I’m Charles Grodin for CBS 880.
2. I was on the phone recently with my friend, Connecticut Republican State Senator Toni Boucher. I was interested in learning if there was anything a person could do when they were driving on the highway and they see a car going about 100 miles an hour, or more. She did some research and advised me to call 911. … I think it’s a good idea for everyone to do, wherever you live. It could save lives. I’m Charles Grodin for CBS 880.
3. The other day I was sitting on the toilet when I noticed an unusual smell. It was so unpleasant that I picked up the bathroom phone and called my old friend, Staten Island Borough President Guy Molinari to see what he had to say about it. I described the odor as best I could, but all he did was swear at me and hang up the phone. That wasn’t very helpful. This is Charles Grodin, for CBS 880.
Extra Credit: Can you tell which one of the three examples above is the text of an actual Grodin “commentary”?
Have fun, and may God bless.