Hope and Change in the Exhume-Me State

Harry Stonebraker was well-liked in Winfield, Missouri (population 723). Last week he was about to finish his third 2-year term as mayor of the town, was running for a fourth term, and was pretty much expected to win. And he did win, by a landslide—90%. He didn’t let the fact that he was dead keep him down, nosirree. Elaine Luck, Lincoln County clerk, said, “I figured he’d win because he seemed to get even more popular after he died, just like Carnahan.” County Clerk Ms. Luck was referring, of course, to Democrat Mel Carnahan, who was elected U.S. Senator from Missouri in 2000 after dying in a plane crash. (Carnahan defeated Republican incumbent John Ashcroft, of “Let the Eagle Soar” fame.)

I never cared much for Missouri when I was growing up in a much-better neighboring state, and I really grew to dislike it during the year or so that I actually had to live there. I felt weird and out-of-place, although they did have the cheapest beer I’ve ever seen anywhere (Buckhorn, $3.00 a 6-pack), a lot of pinball machines, and the Kansas City Art Institute. But that was long before Missouri opened up the electoral process to dead candidates. Maybe now I’d get along there; after all, some of my best friends are dead people.

Thanks for reading my blog post this time, and may God bless.

Comments

[Otto Maddox]

Coming from a Kansas Citian who now lives in Iowa, I feel the exact opposite. Missouri (94% of it sucks) is better than Iowa (of which 98% sucks). Don't tell me a dead man couldn't get elected in the "Fields of Opportunities" state.

Someday I'll get out of this fucking abyss.

[23 Wolves]

I'm livin' here and gettin' by, nahmean? Wherever you are at is as good as you make it. Although I wish I was back in Oregon...

[Bronwyn C.]

I left my home in Oregon
I travelled 'bout 2000 miles
Since I've come to Kansas City
I've forgotten how to smile.
I miss the rain in Portland
And I miss the Tri-Met bus
But most of all I miss you, dear,
Oh God, I miss you so much.

I'm in misery in Missouri,
I'm cryin' night and day
I'm in misery in Missouri,
Lord, I'm in such an awful state.

I'm sorry now I left you,
And I wish that I was there,
Feelin' the flat spot at the back of your head,
Runnin' my hands through your hair.
If I ever get back to Portland,
I'll be in ecstasy,
I'll never, ever leave again
To live in Missouri.
(chorus)

I wrote this song when I moved from Portland to KCMO.