Blind people are just like us: they have needs. Plus they are NOT just like us: They have no porno! There is already an amazing website that provides spoken-word descriptions of online porn for blind people, but it seems to be done by volunteers, some of whom are better—a lot better—than others. Here are some tips:
1. Don’t bother telling blind people what color things are, they haven’t ever seen colors so it’s not that helpful. More helpful is the nice young lady who points out that the woman in the video has natural breasts and a belly-button piercing (“so that’s kind of fancy”). 2. Do not crack up as you describe the sexxxy scenes. As one guy’s friend angrily points out, “They don’t wanna hear laughin’ when they’re jackin’ it!” So true.
The other thing that is maybe not so good about the free website is that they just use free teaser videos, so the scenes they describe are all only about 20 seconds long. [A digression: In the mid-’80s there were free phone numbers you could call to hear tape recordings of sexy ladies describing naughty things. I think they were supposed to encourage you to call for pay-for-it phone sex, but they were pretty awesome on their own, and they were all definitely longer than 30 seconds. More like a couple minutes, I think.]So, you know how WFMU is completely Listener-supported but last year we didn't raise enough money with our annual fund-raising Marathon and we had to do a shorter on-air fundraiser later on, and nobody really wants to do that? So my idea was that we could get some hot-sounding WFMU DJs, like Psue Braun or Bryce or William Berger, and have them record descriptions of some long porn scenes, and put them up on a website, and sell it to blind people who want some nice porn. I think we could definitely make some money that way for sure.