Non-Marathon Money Maker #2

So plans are under way for WFMU’s annual two-week Marathon fundraiser, and people are already laying odds on which DJ’s show Kelly will be co-hosting when she first says “chocolate whizzway” or “man-hungry poon trap” or some other completely inappropriate Kellyism on the air.  (Plus, “laying odds.”) The Marathon is a non-stop party, with all the Listener Volunteers and random DJ Co-hosts showing up at the station, and communal food and completely legal beverages, and crazy money-raising stunts. It’s a lot of fun, and we love sharing it with the Listeners, and we love it when the Listeners come through and support our totally Listener-supported radio station for another year. Except, you know, last year the economy was really, really bad, and for the first time ever we didn’t quite make our extremely modest fund-raising goal. So I have been thinking about other ways we can make money, and here is another one: 21^st-Century Energy Resources!

This is a really exciting and totally Green thing we can do. Scientists and Experts—and Hippies—are all aflutter over the awesome new urine-based hydrogen fuel cell. Here is some sciencey info about it: “Because urea's four hydrogen atoms are less tightly bound to nitrogen than the hydrogen bound to oxygen in water molecules, it takes less energy to break them apart: just 0.37 volts applied across the cell, against the 1.23 volts required to break down water. Thus the energy balance of urea-derived hydrogen could be considerably better from start to finish than projections for other methods of obtaining the combustible gas.” And, also, you can get methane gas from feces, and that is a source of energy, too! All we need is to get some DJs who can pee and poo on command, like Roger Ebert’s dominatrix, and we will be sitting on a literal pot full of gold! And there’ll be the added benefit of finally ending the problems with the second-floor toilet just outside Studio A! And Kelly can say “chocolate whizzway” whenever she wants to! It’s a wee-wee-wee, win-win-win, all the way to the bank. Although there are people who drink their own urine—I used to work with one, at the Village Voice—but I don't think anyone at WFMU would be that selfish, I think it'll be one more way we can all contribute.

Thanks for reading my blogpost this time, and thanks for supporting WFMU. And thanks to Listener See Wolf for the fine photo of Marathon 2008, above. 

Comments

[Listener #109577]

Kelly discussing feminine hygiene products is, according to my thinking, pure comedy gold. Much money will accrue to WFMU if that sort of thing appears frequently.

Or you could lose your license.

[Edward]

Uhh..Roger Ebert has been through a lot, and seems like a more than decent guy. I may be missing something but I'm not sure what he did to deserve that crack.