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Fake Beatles No. 3: Battle of the Bogus Beatle Bands' Second Album

In a previous Fake Beatles post in this series, this writer pitted two Beatles exploitation records on the same budget label against each other in a battle for Mocktop supremacy. At this point you may ask, "Who won that contest: the Fake Beatles, or the Fake Chipmunks doing the same Fake Beatles songs that those Fake Beatles did?" The answer is obvious and evident — the winner was you, esteemed reader!

We have a second skirmish prepared, in which, once again, you can listen and choose between two related Fab Four deception records tooled to cash in on that whole British Invasion "fad," this time released on the cheapjack Diplomat label. (You may be familiar with what these rip-off albums look like: The cover either sports four — or sometimes three or five [!] — disenscalped wigs, or else a similar number of guys imitating the iconic Robert Freeman Meet the Beatles! half-shadow cover pic.)

This second Fake Fabs Fight, unlike the preceding one, draws its combatants exclusively from the human species, yet with a Battle of the Sexes twist: The featured clash is between the Manchesters and the Beatle Buddies; in other words, Fake Beatles vs. Fake Lady Beatles! (Note: "Fake Lady Beatles" is meant to convey the questionable veracity of the Beatle Buddies' Beatle-ness, not of their perceived gender — but if you've clicked on the album cover and taken a gander at the mugs on a couple of those Buddies, the confusion is understood.)

Just as last time, as both these albums were recorded on the quick and dirty by the same label, they have several "original" Fake Beatles songs in common as well as the same backing tracks from each, naturally. That serves to make this a fair contest without the need to resort to patronizing handicapping. May the better bogus Beatle (or Beatle-ette) win!

Round 1: Listen and decide who's more truly fake — the boys or the girls:
Manchesters: Wearying, Worrying Blues (MP3)
Beatle Buddies: Wearying, Worrying Blues (MP3)

Round 2: Suss which lot you fancy, luv — the copy chaps or the mocking birds:
Manchesters: I Waited (MP3)
Beatle Buddies: I Waited (MP3)

Round 3: Here's what happens when each side dips into the same public-domain bag as the real Beatles:
Manchesters: My Bonnie (MP3)
Beatle Buddies: My (Bonnie) Buddy (MP3)

Fake Beatles No. 2: Battle of the Bogus Beatle Bands

On February 9, 1964, Beatlemania officially took hold in the USA, marked by the Fab Four's triumphant appearance on the Ed Sullivan Show. On February 10, record executives nationwide simultaneously sprang up from their beds itching for a piece of that action. The relatively scrupulous ones signed up any four blokes with an English accent and longish locks. The more ethically suspect execs taught some local kids how to talk like Limeys and instructed them to start combing their hair over their foreheads.

And then there were the budget-label moguls: Why bother signing a band at all when you can just cajole some cronies to record shoddily sung and hastily arranged versions of "She Loves You" and "I Want to Hold Your Hand," cook up a few unoriginal originals (or, easier still, just pad the disc with a few non-Beatles-sounding moldy rockers lying around somewhere), slap it in a sleeve brazenly sporting prominent moptop wigs and some permutation of the word Beat or Beetle in "Japanese Bomb Pearl Harbor"-size type, and watch the dumber kids or their myopic gift-giving grannies snatch 'em off the shelves! And thus began Mocktop Mania!

With that in mind, we introduce our first False Fabs Fight, in which we pit one of these Beatsploitation records against another. Today's Bogus Beatle Battle is a face-off between an imitator of the biggest group of the era (the Beatles, of course) and an imitator of the second-biggest group of that time. No, not the Rolling Stones, who wouldn't become huge stateside for another year or so. And not the Dave Clark Five, either, who never quite gave the Fab Four a run for their money. (There exist no Stones or DC5 lookalike album releases, after all.) Rather, it's the only other band worthy of this superstar level of record deception — Alvin and the Chipmunks!

That leads us to our combatants: The Liverpools vs. the Four Chipmunks (later known as the Wyncote Squirrels, thanks to David Seville's lawyer). With both albums being issued by the Wyncote budget division of Philadelphia's pop powerhouse Cameo-Parkway Records, we have a fair method by which to compare and contrast our two adversaries. (It also helps that both "groups" use the same backing tracks, of course.) All the non-Beatles songs on each album are not only the very same titles, they're also pretty good approximations of the Merseybeat sound, as these fly-by-night discs go — some just have sped-up trick vocals.

So, who comes out on top: fake Beatles, or fake Chipmunks doing fake Beatles? Without any further buildup, let the battle commence! (Liverpools tracks are in mono; Four Chipmunks are in stereo, which, it is hoped, gives no clear advantage to one side or another.)

Round 1: Here's how each side handles a bouncy, Moptops-worthy number:
Liverpools: Be My Girl (MP3)
Four Chipmunks aka Wyncote Squirrels: Be My Girl (MP3)

Round 2: Who has the advantage when it comes to a novelty tune? You decide:
Liverpools: Hey, Quiet Down There (MP3)
Four Chipmunks aka Wyncote Squirrels: Hey, Quiet Down There (MP3)

Round 3: Sensitive and heartfelt beat ballad? Here we go:
Liverpools: Did You Ever Get My Letter (MP3)
Four Chipmunks aka Wyncote Squirrels: Did You Ever Get My Letter (MP3)

Girls Who Loved Beatles and the Beatles Who Hated Them, "Them" Being "Beatles".

I'm sweating in anticipation of the Pseu Braun / Gaylord Fields Wack McCartney solo Beatles special tonight (January 25th 2008).  To celebrate their 3-hour "quizzical journey through highly questionable solo Beatles filler tracks", I'm using today's post to offer you some music (& stuff): here's 3 lovestruck ladies singing their odes to John, Paul, and Ringo; and one piece of luscious noise with George's name on it.

Rainbo "John, You Went Too Far This Time" mp3 4.9 megs (1969) "Rainbo" is Sissy Spacek, and this is her first recording - an expression of her shock over the "Two Virgins" cover.

Marianne Rosenberg "Mr. Paul McCartney" mp3, 5 megs (1970) Marianne won a talent contest in her native Germany at age 14 with this, her first song.  Some exceedingly charming, yet brief, youtube here.

Bonnie Jo Mason "Ringo, I Love You" (youtube link, audio only) (1964) That's 16-yr old Cher's first solo recording, made under the direction of her boyfriend Sonny's boss Phil.

Azusa Plane "George Harrison Plays Sitar" mp3 5.3 megs (1995) the late great Philly psychster ponders those ponderous Wonderwall sessions, from the cassette "Resonating Subtleties"

And, to prepare you for the lashing Pseu & Gaylord have in store, here's the Beatles doing it themselves:

Paul on John's death: "Drag, innit? Cheers!"
John on Paul: "We got tired of being Paul's sidemen"
George attempts to sell Paul's underpants: "Only $60,000!"
Paul makes up for Paul on John's death on George's death

And as always, Ringo's nose stays clean.  We're not mentioning "Caveman".

(Thanks Joe McGasko for invaluable assistance!)

Fake Beatles No. 1: A Blotto Bee Gee and His Pals "Fut" Around With the Fab Four

The Bee Gees have received a lot of guff, and rightfully so, for their early-career Beatles soundalike songs. In response, the Anglo-Australian threesome have invariably held up their early childhood in Manchester to explain away the suspicious similarity they share with their fab and gear neighbors from the North of England. That doesn't really answer why certain tunes by the Brothers Gibb sound like specific Beatles numbers, even in some instances like a stitch-up of several different Fab Four faves. Take, for example, "In My Own Time" [listen to it here on Three Chord Monte (RealAudio archive)], which could be the musical result of Dr. Robert meeting the Taxman in the Rain.

Yet the most remarkable Beatles impersonation related to the Bee Gees involved a pisstake (better described as a pissed-take, in the British alcoholic sense of the term) involving Maurice Gibb, his friends Steve Groves and Steve Kipner, and an in-law, Billie Lawrie, the brother of Gibb's then-wife, Lulu. (The two Steves, who comprised the Aussie musical duo Tin Tin  — not the '80s Stephen Duffy group, natch — had a Top 20 U.S. hit with "Toast and Marmalade for Tea" in 1971.) In 1969, the pair had convened in a London studio, with Gibb as producer, to record tracks for a proper Tin Tin session. However, thanks to some uncredited production assistance from John Barleycorn, the assembled musicians began futzing around with a song called "Have You Heard the Word," written by Groves and Kipner. With the stewed Steves playing all the instruments and, along with the liquored-up Lawrie, contributing the backup chorus, the gassed Gibb delivered his lead vocals in the most uncanny Lennon impersonation this side of Ron Nasty. The boozily Beatlesque result somehow found release, evidently without the permission of the principals, in 1970 as a single on the tiny U.K. label Beacon Records, with this one-off congregation identified as The Fut.

Did they do a good job? Just ask the bootleggers, who have placed the track on countless Beatles boots, hoodwinking many a rabid Fab Four obsessive.

Again, did they do a good job? Just ask Yoko Ono, who in 1985 attempted to register "Have You Heard the Word" as a John Lennon composition.

Have You Heard the Word (MP3)