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Unbelievable Believers: Christian Song Demos

A few weeks ago, the always reliable Music For Maniacs posted a few tracks of demos from hopeful Christian artists. After the "Safe Sex Is Just a Fantasy Rap" quickly shot up to the top of my current favorites list, I decided to delve a little further and so headed over to the site where they were originally found, Those Unbelievable Believers: The Blessed Sounds of Incredible Christian Song Demos.

Within this site lay a treasure trove of religious amateur recordings (or B.S. - blessed sounds), from earnest country croonings, to Eagles songs reinterpreted, to professors proclaiming their faith, to kiddie Jesus raps, to some absolutely completely insane ramblings. All of these were lovingly compiled with hilariously sacrilegious commentary by one "Doc" (aka Deuce of Clubs). As an example of what to expect, here is Doc's handy chart of gospel demo song structure:

A) Beginning
    B) Middle
    B) Some more middle
        C) Conclusion
A) And . . . back to the beginning
    B) Middle, middle, middle
    B) More middle until you almost can't believe it, then:
        C) Conclusion . . . or:
    B) More middle—it gets hard to tell
    B) Definitely more middle stuff here, finally shading to either
A) A New Beginning . . . or:
        C) [Missing conclusion].

Follow the jump for 22 tracks of Christian demo madness!

Yogi Bear Abducted My Children!

Once nice thing about living in Brooklyn is that you're never quite sure what happen as you as you open the door in the morning. This is what greeted me earlier this week, and made me feel like I was living inside a certain terrifying kiddie film:

Is it really okay to bribe kids with cotton candy, fake superheros, hip hop, and a Sunday school that meets on Saturday? Should I have called the authorities? I also found it odd that they didn't mention the Christian religious aspect (the school is run by Bushwick-based Metro Ministries), and that they were trolling my mostly Hasidic neighborhood (Crown Heights).

Actually being at this school may be even more surreal, as it is the nation's biggest Bible Day Camp. Here's a sample of what goes on: jumpin' Jesus!

White Mic Fever!

The Inflatable Church

 

This is so moronic but, then again, so endearing to my implacable love of kitsch.  You and your boo can now get hitched in an inflatable church.  Perfect for those English, Belgian, Dutch and Spanish couples who won't be celebrating Earth Month and assembled by the European promotional structure manufacturers Innovations Xtreme Inflatables, this monstrosity is also a 2004 Guinness Book inductee for being (according to the incredibly vague search engine synopsis) "...the world's largest inflatable church in the world".  The damn organ is even inflated and they airbrushed the stained glass windows.  Could lazy be any more as lazy does? 

Like a Sect Machine: Warren Jeffs, Singer/Songwriter

Warren Jeffs, imprisoned "President and Prophet, Seer and Revelator" of the polygamy-prone FLDS Church, must be verklempt over all the baby moms dramz going down at his Yearning For Zion compound in Eldorado, TX.

Yet despite his conviction as an accomplice to rape (not to mention that crazy connubial bed his sect kept in the YFZ temple), Jeffs still knows that the way to a pastel pinafored child bride's soul is through song. Who wouldn't wanna "keep sweet" after hearing the lilting refrains of....

"Yearning For Zion" by Warren Jeffs (MP3)

(Many thanks to Joey Gardner!)

Yearning For Big Love

As a fan of the HBO show Big Love - about an LDS (Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) splinter-group member with three wives - I was heartened to see the news this week of the government raid of a polygamist compound in West Texas. Why "heartened", you wonder? Because I have no idea when the show's coming back and the news coming out of the Yearning For Zion compound (Investigators determined that there is a widespread pattern and practice of the ranch in which young, minor female residents are conditioned to expect and accept sexual activity with adult men at the ranch upon being spiritually married to them...) should hold me over until Harry Dean Stanton once again dons the creepy mantle of Roman Grant, patriarch of the fictional Yearning For Zion ranch, Juniper Creek.

Jeremiah McNamara: Passionist, Accordionist

I am forever finding, buying or trading for reel to reel tapes - the home recorded type, mostly those which are clearly from 40 or more years ago (based on the style of the packaging, the brand name or the writing on them) - wherever I can find them. My hope is always to find some sort of unique or rare recordings from the 1960's or earlier: a family at home, vintage television or AM radio recordings, live performances, etc.

I've shared a few of the most wondrous of my finds in the two 365 days projects, such as the Star Ads and the Merigail Moreland tapes. While my most recent addition does not reach the height of those two examples, it's still an interesting, obscure little recording.

Recently, I played a five inch "Soundcraft" brand reel, and was quite taken with the contents. An accordionist plays an tune which is unfamiliar to me, and then someone sings what sounds like a patriotic song, about, of all things, China. The entertainer is then introduced as Father Jeremiah McNamara, accordionist. A few performances later, we hear him also introduced as Father Jeremiah McNamara, Passionist. After ten performances, Father McNamara is heard accompaning Father Arthur McNally, who sings "Bicycle Built For Two". The beginning of laughter heard at the end of this last track is an extra treat.

(By the way, the rest of the tape contained someone speaking about his hopes for England's eventual turn away from the Church of England, and its return to the Catholic fold someday.)

The sound quality of the first few tracks is poor, but it improves thereafter, with a few glitches here and there.

Bob Purse

1.) China Theme Song (MP3)

2.) The Helena Polka (MP3)

3.) The American Patrol (MP3)

4.) Liebestraum (MP3)

5.) Beautiful Dreamer (MP3)

6.) Serenade (MP3)

7.) Tulips and Heather (MP3)

8.) Irish Washerwoman (MP3)

9.) The Ricketts Hornpipe (MP3)

10.) When Irish Eyes Are Smiling (MP3)

11.) Bicycle Built For Two (MP3)

Grindin’ a Rail with Jesus

I’m not a Catholic, so the impending visit of Pope Benedict XVI to New York wasn’t especially high on the Killing Time Watch List. But then I found out about the Papal Skateboard Art Design Contest! If only I were 11-18 years of age and living in the Archdiocese of New York, I could design some artwork for the Official Papal Skateboard. No, wait—I mean THE OFFICIAL PAPAL SKATEBOARD!

There are some rules, of course. You can only use four (4—they give you the numeral, in case the word is confusing) FOUR colors: Papal Gold, Satanic Black, Holy Ghost White, and Bleeding Wounds of Christ Red. (I made up the names, except for Papal Gold—that one’s real.) And they would really, really like you to use the official motto, “Christ Our Hope” on it, and they would especially really, really like you to incorporate the official Papal Visit Logo which is a photograph of the Pope and an abstract design of the dome of St. Peter’s Basillica, and three big long lines of copy. They would really like you to get that all onto the “convex side” of the skateboard (and then they explain that’s the bottom side, like you don’t know where the art goes).

I think they must have asked a professional designer to incorporate all those elements, and when the pro told them it was impossible, they turned to the blessed, innocent children to create a Miraculous Official Papal Skateboard Design. And the Miraculous Official Papal Skateboard Design artwork is going to be put on THE OFFICIAL PAPAL SKATEBOARD and it will be presented to Pope Benedict as a gift from the Youth of the Archdiocese of New York, and the winning designer gets three (3) tickets to the Papal Youth Ralley at Saint Joseph’s Seminary in Yonkers on Saturday, April 19. 2008. (They put the year in, just in case.) And why three (3) tickets? Maybe it’s so your Mom and Dad can go with you. But if that’s the case, why not nine (9) tickets so you can take your six (6) Catholic brothers and sisters, too? Where are they gonna go while you’re off seeing the Pope with Mom and Dad?

The best thing about the Official Papal Skateboard Design contest is some of the designs ostensibly submitted already. You can see them all at the Web site. I really love the ones where you can see the graphite pencil lines. Seriously. Although some of these were allegedly drawn by, like, 15-year-olds.

And the second best thing about the Official Papal Skateboard Design contest is imagining the Pope Benedict episode of my favorite TV show, Scarred.

Thanks for reading my blog post this time, and may God bless.

A Personal Struggle (with Parenthetical Phrases and Italics)

A Buddhist and a Satanist walk into a bar (let's call it a juice bar, as serious Buddhists avoid all intoxicants, and both characters in this non-joke represent me, a non-drinker.)  They would both very much like a drink (though the Buddhist has eliminated all desire, he is nonetheless very thirsty; the Satanist, for his own, believes only in savoring the enjoyment of the here and now, the material life—the only one he knows exists for sure.)  The line at the juice bar, however, is impossibly long, the service is slow, and actually getting a drink might take a half hour or longer.

The Satanist says, "with the force of my will, I will my make my desire manifest; the drink shall come unto me, for I will it to be so."  Of course, nothing happens.  The Buddhist, seeing* the interconnectedness of all things, and being possessed of great compassion for all beings, resolves to wait patiently (though he knows he must soon leave to go to his Right Occupation.)

Still, the wait is long and ultimately both the Satanist and the Buddhist must leave empty-handed and dry of throat.  The Satanist curses the herd, and years later dies embittered and penniless.  The Buddhist, in time, loses everyone that he loves, grieves appropriately, but does not suffer deeply as he has long ago eliminated attachment from his mind and understands the impermanence of all things.  He too eventually dies, knowing that a drink perhaps awaits him upon rebirth into the causal continuum.

----------------------------------------------------------

*Author Steve Hagen must own all italicized variations of the word "see," as they appear in his book Buddhism Plain and Simple over 205 times.  (This is not to say that I didn't benefit from reading it; I've only failed thus far to "see.")

Massive Subculture Reveal: Bemani

Sometimes you like to pat yourself on the back for having a fun idea like "Guitar Hero?  What about Techno Hero!!!!  That would be so much fun, like haha stupid what would you do, sit there and push play.....haha stupid idea."

Then someone from Japan blows your fucking brain away.

That person (female, I think, because of the spotty nail polish) is playing beatmania IIDX 15 DJ:Troopers.  As you might be able to tell from all the postfixes, it's the latest in a very long run of titles Konami's Bemani series.  It's included games like Guitar Freaks, that featured a guitar controller way before Guitar Hero came out, portable (!) rhythm games called Bemani Pocket, and most famously, Dance Dance Revolution.  The IIDX iteration, which has been around since 1999, features two one-octave keyboard pads and a turntable controller (yes, she's using it in the video - check the pinky).  Instead of a meager 50-someodd songs like Guitar Hero and Rock Band come with, they have...500 songs.  Blam!

In December, there was a gigantic "Bemani 10th anniversary Memorial Event" concert in Tokyo called Gitado Live:

How in the goddamn fucking hell had I not heard of this entire world before this morning?  It got me thinking.  Right now, video gaming - in the United States, at least - is a world of extremes.

Here I Come To Save The Dazed

Bruce Wayne...owner of a private technology firm, philanthropist, Episcopalian, halfwit millionaire, uppity faux playboy, Caped Crusader, Dark Kni...

Episcopalian?

Hey, fictional average Joes with secret alter-egos--or, in Batman's case, fictional secret alter-egos with secret average Joes--have the right to worthily magnify, too.  Superheroes can make negligibly impetuous decisions from time to time ("Bruce Wayne, Dick...pleased to make your acquaintance") or might need a little hand to revive a dead guy (The Thing evoking the Godhead in Yiddish to attempt saving the life of Yancy Street's resident pawnbroker, Mr. Sheckenberg).  Nothing's ever dictated they can't summon the lean, mean Lamb and the Heavenly Host Posse when confronted with an ethical or spiritual quandary they can't seem to lick on their own. 

Let's face it; batarangs, lassoes or forms of a methyl trichloride-soaked towel or 5th Avenue bar laced with a gentle laxative don't lend much credence if, in some of the more heavily devout cases, they're not backed up by the messianic seal of approval courtesy of--dare I say--The Backhand.  The Big Black Bat, Zatanna (eclectic Pentecostal Dianic Wiccan--hoooo), The Man of Steel (Kryptonian religion AND Methodist) and many more are humbly belting out rousing flourishes of "Kumbaya" around the ecumenical campfire in this canonical compendium of superpower sectarianism.  Don't ask me how these creeps found their way into the circle.  Yeah...not warmly invited.

Anyway, praise the Lord--and pass the Holy Bat-Drinking Water Dispenser!!

Looking for that crazy Tom Cruise Scientology video?

Creating quite a buzz this week is the leaked video of Tom Cruise discussing what it means to be a Scientologist. It keeps getting pulled from video sharing sites, reportedly because the Church of Scientology is claiming copyright infringement. Fortunately, Gawker has taken a stand and vows the video will remain on their site. As they say, "If Tom Cruise jumping on Oprah's couch was an 8 on the scale of scary, this is a 10".

More on Scientology from Dave Touretzky, the Computer Science Professor at Carnegie Mellon University who may be the Scientologists' greatest enemy. Or maybe that enemy would be Barbara Schwarz, who makes the "religion" look even crazier than Tom Cruise.

And in a related post, Buzzfeed shares a slew of other indoctrination videos, ranging from the Masons and Mormons to Mary Kay and Amway to the Palestinian Authority's "Ask For Death" campaign.

365 Days #364 - Sammy Hall - A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To Hell (I Got Saved, Saved, Saved) (mp3s)

MP3:
How Do You Spell Relief (J-E-S-U-S) (3:04)
A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To Hell (I Got Saved, Saved, Saved) (2:35)
Different World (3:18)

I bought this record mainly for the remarkable cover art: Sammy Hall, split seconds before his motorcycle plunges into a fiery pit of demons, is grabbed by Jesus, who dangles his new convert up by his armpits. You owe it to yourself to view this one at full size.

Sammy himself may not be damned, but some of his songs are damned catchy. If you care to sing and play along, download the songbook "The Best to You" from this page. It contains sheet music to all three songs featured here. Just one of the many treats awaiting you at sammyhall.com.

These songs were written and produced by Gary S. Paxton, who, in addition to many other things, produced the song "Monster Mash".

- Contributed by: Suzanne Baumann

Images: Front Cover, Back Cover

Media: LP
Album: A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To Hell (I Got Saved, Saved, Saved)
Label: NEWPAX
Catalog: NP33018
Date: 1976

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus

Or  maybe not.

Good Yule, Everybody!
from -Bronwyn C.

Mary's Little Secret- Attic Ted's Blasphemous X-Mas Opera

Texan wierdos, Attic Ted churn out an "Insane Asylum Country Gothic Carnival" organ driven clip-clop. They perform in cardboard masks, influenced by synthetic cubism, whipping themselves up into a manic frenzy for their live shows. Frontman/organ grinder Grady Roper rants with glee as the waltzes stumble down into a drunken wobble and sour oscillations swirl throughout.

For the past four years Attic Ted has been performing their Christmas "Opera" Mary's Little Secret- a tale of the Virgin Mary sleeping around with a traveling performer and giving birth to the little baby Jesus. It took a while, but it seems the Texan Bible thumpers have finally caught on and have called a protest to this year's show, in order to stop the blasphamy (sic). Grady Roper says:

So I go to the laundrymat last night to do some wash, and realize that Attic Ted has been getting talked about...not by the young artists and rockers but by some stuffy old fart sniffing Christians...trying to ruin our holiday fun! It makes me feel like all that hard work is finally paying off. Too bad our show doesn't start until midnight. I think them protesters will be out of Christmas carols by then.

It might all be a hoax, but...I dunno, it's Texas...Texas scares the shit out of me. Hopefully the flyer is genuine and the protest adds to the demented proceedings. Grady informs me that Mary was to have a miscarriage this year but fate stepped in and the little baby Jesus will be alive and kicking when he slips out.

If you're in the San Marcos area, Attic Ted will present Mary's Little Secret on Saturday, December 22nd at the Triple Cown. Here is a video of them performing a song from the show. Also! Listen to their song Climbing Up from the Attic Ted Land Suite.

365 Days #354 - Otis Skillings - Love Can Work A Miracle (mp3s)

MP3:
Love Can Work A Miracle (10:03)

I wish I had this record near me as I write these notes. After listening to Otis Fodder's Christian Musical themed show on Cool and Strange Music's Friendly Persuasion, I went out in search of similar odd records. The following week or so I found this little gem at the thrift store with the standout cover. I'm only including one track because sadly the rest of the record isn't as interesting. And it's long! This is like the Alice's Restraunt of Christian Musical numbers. And it's great!

I don't know what else to say about it, but just wanted to say thank you to Otis Fodder for all the fun, music, and friendship over the years. I think we all owe him a round of applause for sticking out yet another year of 365. Cheers!

Now everyone hit play on your computer,

LOVE!

- Contributed by: B.C. Sterrett (The Lost Media Archive)

Images: Front Cover, Label

Media: LP
Album: Love: A Young World Musical
Label: Tempo
Catalog: TL-7028
Date: 1971

365 Days #353 - The Children's Bible Hour - A Christmas Carousel (mp3s)

MP3:
01 Cousins Choir - Tell It Out (1:03)
02 Cousins Choir - Come on, Ring Those Bells (1:49)
03 Peter J. and Ann Delightful Duetters - Merry Christmas, Bells are Ringing (1:59)
04 Cousins Choir - Keep Christ in Christmas (1:26)
05 Cousins Choir - Carol of Christmas (2:01)
06 Suzie, Dougie, Cousins Choir - Luke 2/Beautiful Hills of Judea/Away in the Manger (3:36)
07 Cousins Choir - Go, Tell it on the Mountain (1:21)
08 Cousins Choir - Christmas Every Day (1:24)
09 Linda, Susan & Lynette - Ring the Bells (1:51)
10 Cousins Choir - Silent Night (1:55)
11 Cousins Choir - Why Isn't Everybody Singing Allelu? (1:43)
12 Uncle Charlie - Johnny's Stocking (10:59)
13 Uncle Charlie - Whose Birthday? (8:22)

From the liner notes:

Every Year we are asked if we have a Christmas record. Now we do…and here it is... a delightful combination of music AND story! This is a FAMILY album... not just for boys and girls! The CHILDREN'S BIBLE HOUR is heard on nearly 600 radio stations worldwide. For a list of our radio outlets... (blah blah blah, etc...)
- Signed, Uncle Charlie

STORY NUMBER ONE (Track 12): JOHNNY'S STOCKING
Have you ever felt like you're just not worth much? That's the way little Johnny felt, until Gramps showed him that in God's sight we are ALL worth loving and caring about! In this delightful story, the "lead part" is played by the fantasy character of "Johnny's Stocking." It's an imaginative, interesting story with an important lesson.

If only that lesson were to not let your kids go visit weird old guys called "Gramps." Shudder.

STORY NUMBER TWO (Track 13): WHOSE BIRTHDAY?
What kind of birthday is it when the person whose birthday it is doesn't get any presents? That's what often happens at Christmas time, when the Lord Jesus is often left out of our plans. This story emphasizes to young and old alike the importance of "keeping Christ in Christmas."

Apparently it's the birthday of a deity with the maturity of a nine-year-old! It struck me–and I can't keep my mouth shut–how odd it is to celebrate Christmas for a deity because he was sacrificed by his father. Who does this and isn't some kind of psychopath? Nobody. God Yule. (That's a deity to look up!)

- Contributed by: Hellbound Alleee

Image: Front Cover

Stoned Hippies Chant Hare Krishna In Field

Diangle just shared some new-to-me Family footage from 1971’s Glastonbury festival.  I had been unaware that so many giants played there (Gong, Fairport Convention and Arthur Brown, to name a few) and was awed at the great Glastonbury Fayre documentary.  Italy's Akarma has pricey boxed reissues available, but a whole lot of clips are available in your tub.

I’m most interested in this more religious portion of the movie, which culminates in a speech by Prem Rawat.  This is why pagan hippys are my favorite hippys – you get the feeling the fayre was more of a religious gathering than a music festival.  Must be the “powerful magnetic fields” that connect Glastonbury to Stone Henge.

Prem Rawat was only thirteen at the time, but DOG!  Great speaker, he acts like a prophet! “If the God is equal, if the God is one and God is same, then His Knowledge will be also equal.  And it cannot be attained by going to different sects, it is within you.”

I remember that God is definitely not within when I hear Rawat say “to go anywhere, you need some money, some pounds…my pounds are the love and the devotion pounds that can only be attained by your bank.”  I shit my pants when I heard that!  Just to get this straight: people are animals and we're all utterly alienated from God.  Brilliant at thirteen, Rawat’s newish Words Of Peace series smacks of typical new-agey-self-help flufff.

365 Days #343 - The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints Public Service Announcements (mp3s)

I've found about 5 of these 45's during various visits over the years to Deseret Industries in Provo and Salt Lake City, Utah (one of theme was too warped to post). As The Lost Media Archive I think we try to pride ourselves by trying to have one of the largest private owned collections of old LDS media in the realms of filmstrips and educational video. It's not only a historical element of our own faith, but that of the heavy culture in our location. Church libraries all over the state (and world) are tossing out old videos, tapes, filmstrips and records due to new format technology, and lack of space. Pick it up! This stuff is a lot of fun and I doubt most of it will ever be reissued.

With that said, I don't think these came from church libraries, but from the archives of local radio stations. I still remember the visual versions of some of these on TV during the 70's and early 80's.

Give Your Children Everything... Give Them Your Time! (1974)
01 Fish Story (1:00)
02 Sunrise (0:59)
03 Date Night (0:30)
04 YEP (0:30)
05 As Much As Anybody (0:31)
06 To It Man (0:58)
07 Take The Time (Jingle) (1:00)
08 Take The Time (Jingle) (0:30)
Images: Front, Back, Inside 1, Inside 2

it's a fucking toy, morons

We need to "dialogue" with these people.

You go first.

Update (12/10): Desperately seeking asylum.

Update (12/18): Blogger action!

365 Days #326 - Thomas Stephen Smith - Fresh Start (LP) (mp3s)

MP3:
01. Love Will Find a Way (3:35)
02. And When All Is Said and Done (2:55)
03. Holy, Holy, Holy (2:45)
04. Loco Boy Made Good (3:55)
05. Anything Worth Doin' Is Worth Doin' Right (4:02)
06. There Is a Way (4:12)
07. Turn Around and See (2:51)
08. Fresh Start (3:31)
09. One Song (4:09)
10. You've Gotta Hear It To Believe It (3:06)

When I came across the "Fresh Start" 7" at my local library, I was pretty sure I had found the greatest record ever recorded. But I was a bit saddened that a search on the web for the artist's name, "Thomas Stephen Smith," brought up next to no information. What I didn't realize is that his name is actually spelled "Thomas Steven Smith" and that Mr. Smith recorded an entire album with the same name as its lead single. Interestingly, the labels on both the 7" and the LP spell his middle name "Stephen," but the cover of the LP uses the (presumably) correct spelling of "Steven."

Thankfully, my ol' buddy Paul surprised me with this gem for my birthday last month. BEST GIFT EVER. Let me tell you right now: the album is every bit as good as I had hoped it would be. What I loved most about the 7" was that it sounded like the theme to a non-existent 80s sitcom, perhaps a spin-off of Perfect Strangers that didn't involve Urkel. In addition to the title track, I think tracks 1, 4, and 6 would all make fine sitcom themes.

Rest assured, I'm doing some research and trying to piece together a full history of TSS. I've even contacted a church mentioned in the liner notes, but alas, haven't heard anything back from them.

- Contributed by: Ryan MacMichael

Images: Front Cover, Back Cover, Label Side One, Label Side Two, Lyrics Side One, Lyrics Side Two

365 Days #319 - For Heaven's Sake! (mp3s)

Some of my favorite postings here at 365 have been the corporate musicals. Here's an album in a similar vein, although instead of selling electricity or automobiles, it's pushing a different product...God. It's the musical review "For Heaven's Sake!" written by Helen Kromer (book, lyrics) and Frederick Silver (music) "especially for the North American Ecumenical Youth Assembly - 1961"

1. Prologue (0:54)
2. A Mighty Fortress is Our Church (1:41)
3. The Inchworm (0:39)
4. The Death House (8:45)
      Man-in-Box
      Girl-with-Knife
      Man and Woman Chained together
      Man-with-Noose
      Girl-in-Ice
      Girl-on-Hook
      I'd Rather be Dead
5. I Open My Mouth to Speak (2:11)
6. Seven Steeples (2:37)
7. Some Career (3:33)
8. The Rap (0:20)
9. Use Me Lord! (3:14)
10. Aim for Heaven (3:46)
11. Gimme God Blues (6:50)
12. A Drop in the Bucket (0:28)
13. I'm Nothing, Nobody, No One! (3:03)
14. The Repair Job (3:21)
15. For Heaven's Sake! (2:14)

Precious little can be found on the Internet regarding this organization or its 1961 gathering. So let's just go right to the back cover:

"In August, 1961, on the campus of the University of Michigan, 2000 young people met to discover what God is calling them to be and do within the North American setting. The Planning Committee for this North American Ecumenical Youth Assembly agreed that the drama should be one of the modes for considering the Assembly theme, "Entrusted with the Message of Reconciliation." Some 30 denominations, representing many agencies within the total framework of the Church in Canada and the U.S.A., participated in commissioning two dramas for this Assembly: one (BREAK THEM IN PIECES written by Fred Myers) serious in nature, picturing the reconciliation of men in terms of the risk of death; and the other (FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!) highly satirical in nature, attacking frankly and humorously "things as they are" in the World and in the Church. This was a direct effort both to engage the Church with the creative artist and the Assembly delegate with what such artists might be attempting to say through their particular media and contribution. As a part of the projection of the Assembly experience, into the life of the churches of North America, this recording of the music from FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE! has been made for a limited subscription edition."

That explains things now, doesn't it?

Note: I'm dedicating today's entry to my sister Claudette and my nephew (her son) Ian both of whom celebrate their birthday's today. For heaven's sake, have a Happy Birthday!

- Contributed by: Andre Dupuy

Image: Front Cover

What Would Jesus Buy?

Listener/Volunteer Kurt Gottschalk checks in this morning with this report:

This Friday, What Would Jesus Buy?, a new documentary about Rev. Billy and the Church of Stop Shopping, opens Friday at Cinema Village in Manhattan. It's a good movie and a great titular question. If He were here today, what would Jesus buy?

Director Rob VanAlkemade puts the question to a preacher and to people on the street, and gets no definitive answer (most popular response: an Xbox). Rev. Billy might not have the answer either, but he's still on a mission: to stem rapid, vapid consumerism. The film follows him from his solo guerilla attacks on the Disney store in Times Square a decade ago, preaching the stop-shopping covenant until forcibly removed, up through last year's two-bus US tour, culminating in an infiltration in the white-buttoned belly of the beast, a Christmas Day surprise sermon at Disneyland.

Billy's an enigmatic performer and gives his all in his anti-corporate services, healing the sinful consumers in his audiences and performing exorcisms on shopping center cash registers. But the backbone of the show is the choir's hymnal. The songs are clever without being pedantic or sarcastic, effectively fitting the tent-revival of the show.

The most effective scene of the movie shows three teenage girls Googling labor conditions in the sweatshop plants where their designer clothes are made. It's the one scene that puts a proactive spin on the anti-consumerist spiel. If Jesus were to come down to Earth (for the first or second time, depending on how you count), where would he buy his sandals? Union shops? Worker-owned cooperatives? Thrift stores and flea markets? As advocates, they could be doing a lot more to tell people what to do, not just what not to do. But as entertainment, Rev. Billy's show and VanAlkemade's film are good entertainment.

365 Days #301 - Uncle Bob's Storybook Room - Barn Owl - Your Kidney - Antarctic (mp3s)

MP3:
01 Barn Owl (8:48)
02 Your Kidney (7:55)
03 Sing-A-Long Time (0:48)
04 Suffering (5:44)
05 Storybook Room (4:46)
06 Antarctic (9:55)
07 Cleaner Wrasse (7:39)
08 Sing-A-Long Time (0:52)
09 Penny Appendix (8:06)
10 Immorality (6:35)
11 Your Fat (10:11)

If you saw a cassette labeled "Barn Owl — Your Kidney — Antarctic" at a thrift store, could YOU resist? I couldn't, and I was rewarded with 10 episodes of Uncle Bob"s Nature Corner and Storybook Room.

In the Nature Corner segments, Uncle Bob conducts educational interviews with various wonders of science (including Bruce the Barn Owl, Mr. Kidney and Aunt Arctica), all of whom sound suspiciously like Bob disguising his voice.

In 2003 on the 365 Days Project (see track #10, Immorality), Tim asked "What is God"s will for our lives?'  Heavy stuff for a kids' show, and the good Uncle makes the most of it by lecturing his young listeners about sexual morality. The exchange fills me with such perverse joy that I must take issue with Bob"s conclusion: dirty jokes can"t possibly be against the will of God. How can anyone hear this and still believe otherwise?

The Storybook Room series features Bob and his son Tim pondering age-old theological questions, aided by song and scriptural dramatization.

A quick web search tipped me off to Uncle Bob"s identity: Bob Devine, author of such titles as "Uncle Bob Talks With My Digestive System" and "Uncle Bob"s Kangaroo and Squirrel Book". His radio programs were produced by the Moody Broadcasting Network (Chicago, IL) and still appear to be airing in a few markets.

- Contributed by: Suzanne Baumann

Image: Cassette

Shoko Asahara Sings (MP3s)

Many people will still remember Shoko Asahara, the founder and leader of Japanese doomsday cult Aum Shinrikyo, whose doctrine apparently was a wild mixture of Buddhism, Hinduism, Nostradamus, and the Book of Revelations. Asahara claimed to be the reincarnation of Hindu god Shiva, and somehow that must have led him to believe that it would be a good idea to stockpile nerve gas and use it to kill random people. The details and motives are a bit sketchy, and the official theory of the prosecution that the attacks on the Tokyo subway were intended to "divert police attention" from Aum Shinrikyo can only be considered a cruel joke. Not surprisingly, the whole incident immediately catapulted Asahara to the status of an international celebrity, his popularity ranking somewhere between Charles Manson and Idi Amin.

And just like those two guys, Asahara was a musician on the side. He didn't have a mentor like Dennis Wilson of the Beach Boys, and his recorded output pales compared to Charlie's, consisting of only two songs, but who knows what he could have accomplished if he hadn't put so much energy in being a homicidal messiah. Anyway, here are the two songs, released a while ago on a vinyl 7" on Faithways International, the label that also brought us the amazing sounds of Elizabeth Clare Prophet and the Church Universal Triumphant.

Sounds of Japanese Doomsday Cults - Music by Aum Shinrikyo leader Shoko Asahara
MP3s: Lord Death's Counting Song | Sonshi's March