WFMU recently held its annual "Holiday" party and - as usual - lots of non-staffers showed up. We encourage this - it's a great way to bring new blood into the station so us aging vampires can suckle - but the initial interaction between those of us "on the inside" and our listeners can often be awkward. Because I kibbitz with the public every week on my show - Aerial View - I'm frequently accosted at these station events. It usually goes something like this:
LISTENER: "Hey, are you Chris T.?"
ME: "Yes, yes I am Chris T."
LISTENER: "You hung up on me last week!"
ME: "Yeah but... I but... see but..."
See how quickly this conversation dead-ended? I'd like to help WFMU's listeners and staff avoid these pitfalls by outlining some DOs & DON'Ts to remember when meeting for the first time:
LISTENERS:
DON'T
Sneak up on the WFMU DJ/Talkshow Host. You will spook your prey and send him/her fleeing. Always approach the WFMUer from head-on, keeping your hands out of your pockets at all times.
DO
Indicate to the WFMU DJ, etc., that you are not armed by waving or extending a handshake.
DON'T
Mis-identify who you're speaking with. A man at a WFMU Record Fair spent 15 minutes trying to convince me I was Andy Breckman. He kept saying, "You know, the show where you had the guys at the tollbooth and you blah blah blah...." No matter how many times I told him it wasn't my show he was listening to, he wouldn't accept that I wasn't Andy Breckman. I finally owned up to it, told him to go fuck himself and never listen to 7 Second Delay again.
DO
Double-check the identity of your new friend: "Say, you ARE Andy Breckman, right?"
DON'T
Announce to anyone within earshot, "HEY! It's BRONWYN!!!" once you've confirmed the identity of your new WFMU friend.
DO
"Cut to the chase," as they say. Your typical WFMUer has trouble staying focused and may lose interest during a long, rambling, "You won't remember me..." introduction. State your name and keep it brief.
DON'T
Intercept a WFMU DJ or Talkshow Host on the way to the bathroom. At the Loop Lounge during a Glen Jones show a guy recognized my voice, stepped in front of me and began spinning an elaborate story about a call he made YEARS ago to Aerial View. I'm standing there with my eyeballs floating and he's nattering away. I finally said, "I really gotta pee..." and he stepped aside.
DO
Follow the WFMUer into the bathroom and continue your yarn while he or she is peeing. We don't mind, really.
DON'T
Tell your new WFMU friend: "You don't look ANYTHING like I thought you would." Most WFMU DJs (and some Talkshow Hosts) - because of breeding or dissolute lifestyles - don't look at all like you expect they will. This remark, no matter how tenderly offered, usually is heard as, "You're much uglier/fatter/balder/older than I imagined." Remember, if you want friends, be friendly.
DO
Compliment your new WFMU friend by saying something like, "You do a wonderful show. It's the high point of my week." Lie if you must.
DON'T
Get into specifics: "Do you remember that record you played back in March when I called you in the studio and said it sounded exactly like this lullaby my sister's aunt used to sing to me at the beach - the same aunt who made the tomato and mozzarella sandwiches, the ones she'd drizzle with olive oil, on that Italian bread, the bread she got on Arthur Avenue in the Bronx - and you told me the name of that song and I said I'd write it down but I totally forgot to write it down and I also forgot the name of the song. DO YOU REMEMBER THAT SONG?!"
DO
Keep the entire interaction brief. WFMUers are busy people with lots of responsibilities and serious drinking to do.
DON'T
Request a song (or, in the case of a talkshowhost, topic). No WFMUer carries a notepad everywhere. Get your own damn show and play/discuss whatever you want.
DO
Offer to have sex with the WFMUer, even if your mental image of the DJ (or Talkshow Host) and actual reality violently collide. The WFMUer may not be able to take you up on it but we all appreciate the overture.
DJs (and Talkshow Hosts):
DO
Remember those four little words that can ease any social awkwardness when meeting your public: "I really gotta pee."
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