Hello, Everybody—nice seeing you again.
Today is January 23 and, thanks to Scientists and Experts, we are now able to prepare for what comes next—that is, January 24. Because just this past week Scientists and Experts made a big announcement: They have devised a formula for finding the long-sought Worst Day of the Year.
Is April the cruelest month? No, that’s just some poetry, whereas this is SCIENCE—or at least math. Dr. Cliff Arnall, of the University of Cardiff (that’s in Wales), has devised a formula, to whit:
[W + (D-d)] x TQ / M x NA, where W = weather, D = debt, d = monthly salary, T = time since Christmas, Q = time since failure of New Year’s resolution, M = motivational level, and NA = need to take action. Just because you and I may not understand how something like the “need to take action” becomes a quantifiable number, that doesn’t make Dr. Arnall wrong. Certainly not. For Dr. Arnall is a Scientist and, in fact, an actual Expert on seasonal disorders. In Wales. By putting in the secret numbers that correspond to weather and motivational level, Dr. Arnall realized that January 24 is the absolute crappiest day of any year. “Eureka!” she said, except in Welsh.
It’s odd, though, that the Worst Day of the Year comes so close to the Best Day of the Year, which is January 27—my birthday. It is even closer to Sluggo’s birthday, and not that far from the birthdays of other WFMU staffers, whose names you would immediately recognize if I were to write them here.
We interrupt this blog entry to bring you a report from the WFMU Storm Center. It snowed quite a lot yesterday and last night, and was extremely cold and blowy. Scientists and Experts say this is to be expected in the Northern Hemisphere at this time of year, which they refer to as “winter.” Today local residents are beginning to dig out from Snowstorm ’05. And now back to the blog.
One might wonder why Scientists and Experts have not yet devised a formula for the Most Fan-effing-tastic Day of the Year, but this is in part because the British travel company that funded Dr. Arnall’s research has never asked for that. They just wanted to know when people might be most likely to book vacations. Dr. Alan Cohen, the spokesperson for the Royal College of General Practitioners, was asked about Dr. Arnall’s equation. (In a country where “Cliff” is a woman’s name, the use of gender-neutral terms such as “spokesperson” is preferred). “I’m sure it’s right,” Dr. Cohen said. So there.
Thanks for reading my blog entry, and may God bless—especially tomorrow.
-Bronwyn C.
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