A Surefire Way To Piss Off Telemarketers

Hi kids.  Welcome to the WFMU blog starring me, Andy Breckman.
Here's what I, Andy Breckman, like to do when a telemarker calls.
Read it. Remember it. Then you do it too.
Here's what you do: You pretend you're retarded.
You talk slowly.. and slur your words.
You pretend your parents left you home alone.
Then you say: You promised your parents you wouldn''t talk to any more salemen, because YOU ALWAYS END UP BUYING WHATEVER THEY'RE SELLING!
Tell them: you LOVE TO BUY THINGS OVER THE PHONE.
It drives them nuts.  It's hysterical. They're always torn: they don't know whether to hang up or take advantage of  a poor retarded kid.   
At least, it always amuses ME.
See you later.
Andy

Comments

[Listener Michael]

O.K., but it sounds an awful lot like the awful "Crank Yankers" show.

[bob fredmund]

very nice.. yesyes

[Kirk]

I always tell telemarketers that I'm dead. That gets my name of their lists fairly quickly.

[siamhussein]

This is just the best idea I've ever heard in my life.

I'm not being sarcastic.

[Jeff T]

I think I'm in love with you Andy.

[meximese]

genius.

[bruce grossman]

I actually like blowing a whistle right into the phone that goes over real well

[Ron D]

I somehow think Andy would not be acting.

[DW]

Sometimes I try to keep them on the phone for a really long time and then say I'm not interested. Do I have your permission to combine the two ideas?

["Gross" Max "New York Jew"]

I will be sure to use that.

[listener jon]

I usually ask if i can put them on hold, then just put the phone down next to the toilet.

[Catfish Rivers]

I like to pretend I am pleasuring myself when a telemarketer calls and try to get them to say dirty things to me...

usually sends 'em away fast.

[Jorge]

Way to go Andy. You've connected with the crucial 18-24 demographic. But you've alienated retarded children, you're primary Monk audience.

[Bob]

So, this would be different from the show how exactly?

[fizbanana]

"promied your parents you wouln''t..."

is that the way retarded kids spell???

[john]

Telemarketers have feelings too! Leave them alone. Both of my parents put me thru college with telemarketing! It's a very respectable job!

[steph]

what is this crank yankers... come on. and bring it..

[Petey]

YES!

hey breckman, by the way, over the course of the years 3 different groups of kids were talking about Monk in my classes.

[Sheldon]

You misspelled promise.
I tell the telemarketers that I want what they are selling and then put them on hold forever. Ha Ha Ha.
Keep up the great job.
Sheldon

[Dan]

Who is this guy? He's funny. He obviously hates himself, though.

[Greggie Mohan]

Being already retarded, this should be easy to do for me. In the past, I would just speak Polish to the telemarketer, but once I got one who also spoke Polish, so I just bought the eatible condoms. I think you should name your blog, AndyRama Hare Hare.

[debbie]

Sick. Seinfeld's solution: asl telemarketer for their phone number, so that you can call them.

[Listener Fantod]

I use Andy's "Fine, now that you've called" all the time. Thanks, Andy!

[joek]

i do that when I am out of hospital.

[Raj]

Well, it's a start.