Thanks for the Cookie, but we prefer Cash

Listener Services Director Megan says:

Last week, we mailed out our pre-Marathon brochures to everyone on our mailing list. Now, the fruits of that labor are paying off in the form of stacks of envelopes coming back to us, filled with the dollar-based joy that keeps WFMU running for an entire year.

Unfortunately, however, some people take the opportunity to use their business reply envelopes to send us Objects, rather than the Donations we so desperately need. For example, one fellow mailed us an issue of the newsletter "American Free Press" with the headline "THE MEDIA IS THE ENEMY". Right on, my man!

Another person, a lady from Texas, took the opportunity to send us a bunch of literature on W's drunk driving conviction - including photocopies of arrest records, and a handwritten note letting us know about a negligent homicide allegedly commited by Laura Bush. Don't think the fun ends there. Our Texan friend also took the time to send us a photocopy of a letter she got from the office of the Vice President, which contained this slightly ominous line: "Vice President Cheney was pleased that you let him know of your views." Hm, what would happen if Dick sent her a BUSINESS REPLY envelope? I bet she would send him lots of cool stuff, too.

Anyway, this morning, takes the... cake. An envelope arrived in the morning mail, encased in the tell-tale "the contents of this envelope were damaged during mail processing" plastic bag which we get from the post office from time to time. Volunteer Director Scott examined the bag, declared that it was filled with some sort of particulate matter, and refused to touch it anymore.

I, consumed with curiousity and heedless of my health, forthwith opened the possible anthrax letter, and used the empirical science skills I learned in 9th grade Chemistry, to determine that the particles were, in fact, cookie crumbs.

Someone mailed us a cookie.

Do you find this as somewhat incredible as I do? A cookie. The mind reels. Why a cookie? What kind of cookie was it? The crumbs sort of smell like peanut butter, but it could be butterscotch as well. Did they bake this cookie themselves? Did they take a bite out of it before they mailed it? I can't tell, because the poor thing got pulverized by the postal machines.

All I know is that I hope it is not an anthrax sprinkle cookie, because I really have a lot of work to do in the next few weeks keeping track of all of the pledges from all of the kind people out there who realize that it takes money, and not cookies, to keep WFMU and freeform radio rolling along.

So, that's just one of the weird tales from here on the 4th Floor as we gear up for Thee Marathon. Back to you up on 5, Liz!

 

Comments

[Drew]

I too shall shortly be sending WFMU some much kneaded dough.

[Brian Turner]

Some label sent a promo cactus once to hype some alternative desert-rock stoner band's CD (also included). Unfortunately, one didn't find that out until reaching into the mailer.

[Brian C.]

I think BRCs cost about $0.50 apiece, don't they? (the fee charged by the P.O. for the return postage). So maybe you shouldn't encourage people, fmu listeners are no doubt a creative bunch.

So I'm a wet blanket. I'm just sayin.

[listener traveler]

this a really funny post, somehow under the tone of annoyance I believe you're laughing your fool ass off... at least I hope so.

[KL]

i have worked in development for awhile now. the way the permits work, you pay for the bre returns based on the weight of the item.

it seems like most of what you're receiving is meant to entertain/inform/still reflect a positive not to the station. however, many people take this opportunity to get out their anger at the soliciting organization (often anonymously, which only ensures that they'll be solicited again in the future.)

i have one colleague who had a donor so angry that they glued the BRE to a brick and sent it back through the post office.

but my own personal favorite amid the shredded up letters and empty envelopes just sent to charge me another $.23 was the time i started going through the empties (also known as envelopes with no checks) sent to the opera company i worked for and curiously found a glossy piece of paper inside. i pulled it out, and opened it, and much to my surprise, it was porn.

someone sent me porn in a BRE.

which is only more amusing knowing that the vast majority of the audience being solicited were college educated, over 50 and making an average salary close six figures.

always an adventure:)