Bibleman Vs The Northeastern Liberal Elite

Bibleman is coming, and he's ready to smite you. More specifically, in his newest episode, he's ready to smite his arch nemesis Wacky Protester, who aims to to create a world where there will be no Christians, no churches, no Bibles, and no God! Wacky Protester (pictured in blue to the right) is armed with his latest Anti-Christian weapon - the NeuroIconoclasticSkeptisiser, which he uses to lure unwitting Vacation Bible School students into his Animated Reconstructive Transport (A.R.T.), where they will be trapped in a world where there are no rules, no faith, no hope and no future! But Wacky Protester is no match for Bibleman, who grunts scripture and seethes dialog like "The full armor of God. Never leave home without it."

If it's possible to track a culture by monitoring it's cartoon characters and puppets, then Bibleman warrants some special attention. His enemies are protesters, skeptics, art and Jews. And Ricky Martin. And there's big money trying to propel Bibleman beyond the lucrative but limited Christian video market.

That's why Bibleman is coming to The Big Apple. Next Saturday, June 25th at the Flushing Meadows Fairgrounds in Queens. Bibleman and Reverend Billy Graham, who is bringing it back home to the city where it began for him in 1957, when he preached over 100 nights in a row at Madison Square Garden. The preacher who kept his flock intact while the liberal forces of darkness reigned supreme throughout the Sixties and Seventies is reaching out to the newest generation of Christian soldiers by sharing the spotlight of his final evangelical tour with... Bibleman.

That's right, Bibleman. The Power-Ranger-With-a-Light-Saber-for-Jesus who has been played for the last ten years by Willie Aames, the former child star of Eight is Enough and Charles in Charge. It's a powerful franchise,as straight-to-video franchises go. Bibleman's had nine videos go platinum and he's a force to be reckoned with in Latin America.

But Pamplin Communications, a division of Oregon-based billionaire Robert Pamplin's faith-based empire, has bigger plans for Bibleman. Willie Aames is out, to be replaced by a younger, hunkier Bibleman named Josh Carpenter. Also gone are Bibleman's scripture-based villains of yesteryear, like The Gossip Queen and The Prince of Pride, to be replaced by villains more appropriate for the current cultural war, like Wacky Protester or Primordius Drool, the Jewish Jerry Springer knockoff with a mohawk who tries to turn people into atheists, and whose gold-filled teeth ultimately prove to be his undoing.

Bibleman has long been available on VHS and DVD, but now Pamplin is taking the franchise into the influential gaming market, and taking Bibleman on tour with Billy Graham. But while Christian volunteers busily hawk Bibleman tickets to the under-five set, the good Reverend seems slightly uncomfortable with the Bibleman affiliation. A trip to the Billy Graham website includes a link to the Bibleman site, but it's preceded with this disclaimer:

Please Note: You are visiting a site outside of the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association (BGEA). Links to outside sites are provided as a convenient means to access additional relevant or useful information; however, BGEA is not responsible for the content, accuracy or opinions of these sites. Click here to continue or close this new browser window to return to www.billygraham.org.

What's Bibleman got for Billy Graham to be embarrassed about?

A batch of Jew-y villains, for starters. An examination of their barely-working flash movie trailers reveals the following evil-doers:

Luxor Spawndroth - A long-beaked villain with a Gene Simmons vibe who breeds disobediance and rebellion (pictured at left and right)

El Furioso - An evil subterranean Jew-villain who miraculously transforms himself into Ricky Martin for his recruitment dance numbers. El Furioso incites random violence by sprinkling "gold fury dust" on the populace.

Dr. Fear - A gay Jewish villain who makes catty remarks about Bibleman. Dr. Fear's chief weapon is - you guessed it - fear.

The Fibbler - A Jewish Gene Wilder / Burgess Meredith kind of villain who clouds the minds of young  people and gets them started down the path of evil secular humanism by encouraging white lies and equivocation. (Pictured at left.)

Shadow of Doubt - Mildly Semitic with a speedy Latin Dennis Hopper quality Shadow of Doubt is the only Bibleman super villain who appears to have a good band. The Shadow of Doubt episode  looks worth viewing for Shadow's musical dance number alone.

Bibleman is geared towards pre-tweens, but Bibleman Junior is designed and marketed for the under-five set. Which is fine, except that the message of Bibleman is an intolerant lie, albeit one that is common to most forms of religious fundamentalism: those who don't accept our view of things are out to destroy us. Or put another way, those not with us are against us. Sound familiar?

Onward, Christian Soldiers.

Comments

[A Chair]

I'm suprised this isn't some sort of joke. Or is it?

[Station Manager Ken]

No, it aint no joke. I'm just surprised that they haven't been called on it yet.

-ken

[Murcury Vapor]

Fundie fun at its finest.

[Lee Hartsfeld]

No, but your essay sure sounds familiar. Has it occurred to you that, when you write about a bigoted minority of Christians as if they were the main group ("Christian" is used throughout the essay by itself and without qualification) that you are immeasurably empowering that group? That you are promoting them precisely as they intend for you to promote them? All it would take is a single qualifier: "fundamentalist." "Fundamentalist Christians," rather than "Christians."

"Right-wing nuts" would do it, too.

On the other hand, thanks much for bringing attention to this truly unbelievable video series. It's amazing how much the details of Bibleman read like bad satire. Instead, this is all bad reality. To quote a 1958 horror movie ad: "Terrifyingly real!"

[veronica hendrix]

what a load of garbage. bibleman is no more a jew hating franchise than mickey mouse is a nazi.

[Kati]

This article is interesting and important, but I'd like to see some reasons as to why you described each villian the way you did, for I doubt the videos explicitly say that the villians are Jewish, gay, etc. Also, "fundamentalist" would indeed be a good qualifier to use.

[Timmy]

I only watched one show, Id like to watch some more and see if I can see if the "gay" villian really acts all femie. Will be interesting.

[Paul]

so after watching this show, i am convinced to stop loving people and to pick up my sword of wrath and smite all non-believers in the way of the glory of God...thank the lord i'm not an impressionable child...

i understand that God is not without his spouts of wrath. however, would He use a children's television show to call CHILDREN (the obvious audience) to do his smiting? also, whatever happened to christians using love as a motivation? i'm not sure if this show is used as a witnessing tool to sway the minds of children to understand the glory of God, or if it is a guideline in how children should live their lives...either way i think kids have enough to be confused about in today's world.

[Jen]

Although I know this "article" is over a year old, I couldn't help but to respond to your absolute lies and misrepresentations of what Bibleman is and what it's missions are. My son is now 7 and has been a fan of Bibleman for several years now--and I have watched every video right along with him. There is not one instance where any of the villians are advertised or represented as Jewish or gay for that matter. However all of the villians do represent hate, deceit, selfishness, and self-serving anger/vengence. Children, especially boys migrate to swords and superhero's --and if you don't allow swords in your home, they will find a branch to use instead, so my son carries a big yellow sword in the name of God. He also happens to know the full armor of God--which is more than I can say for most adults. I challenge anyone of the complainers to actually watch a couple of the video's and still tell me that Bibleman is spreading hate. Furthermore, if they actually watched them, the one with El Fureoso in particular and Bibleman promotes not acting in anger and not resorting to violence. Above all, my son has learned forgivness, love, honesty and patients from the video's, which is more than I can say for Power Rangers--in which they call on evil spirit's for power.

[Andy]

Bibleman really sucks. A lot. And power rangers dont summon evil spirits >.> <.<

[shane]

wacky protestor is not a knock off of jerry springer. if you actually watched the show you would notice he is a spoof of jerry lewis.

[hk]

No, Wacky Protestor's not a Jerry Springer parody, although his actor did play a Jerry Springer parody in one movie. I have to say, I don't see any of the anti-semetic stuff that people are tossing back and forth about this show lately, but Bibleman is definitive proof that not everything with the words "Bible" or "Jesus" in it is good. Bibleman kills his enemies all the time; commandment number six says he's not allowed to. One time he made his unarmed, inexperienced sidekick go into the bad guy's hideout first. Four or five shows have the lesson that teamwork and Christian fellowship are things we all need to practice, yet Bibleman goes to fight the most powerful villain he ever fought all by himself and prepared to kick his sidekicks out of the crusade forever if he alone lost. And isn't there something inherently hypocritical about a video franchise that tries to direct attention to God, when it gets most of that attention in the first place by centering around a flashy superhero with a light saber? That's a role model? That's somebody who we should support to expand our faith?

[Miles]

Ok listen up! Why are you saying bad things about Bibleman? And why are you so Bad-things-focus?

I happen to like Bibleman, and if you actually WATCH the show, you'll see that most of the villians were not killed, they melted, there's a different between killing and melting away by your own evil which is what these villians did

When that "Fury" guy El Furiouso attacked Bibleman, it was like God was protecting him 1 Peter 1:5 said "Through faith you are shielded by God's power" So really El Furiouso was ruined by his own evil as so did many other villians
Master of Mistery was WARNED to leave the but he didn't so he got blasted by a computer

So THINK before you post something! you may be saying things that are not true and if you don't care what people say or don't care about hurting feelings just so you can express yourself, then you are the followings:

SELFISH
SELF-CENTERED
JERKS
FOOLISH
IDIOTS
MORONS

Some of you may be grown-ups but you seriously need to grow up!

[Jimmy]

Wow, man. Maybe people some people focusing on the bad things because they're actually worried about what this is teaching their kids like responsible adults? I also notice you ignore anything other than Bibleman killing the bad guys. And you're saying I'm immature for pointing out what's wrong with this show?

[Tarah]

wow, i feel sorry for whatever kid is forced to watch this. power rangers is wayy better. oh and ricky martin is good family fun. you people are ridiculous. i would only blame yourself if your kid kills themselves. i know i would if my parents made me watch this. this has got to be a joke... i hope?

[HM]

There's a difference between killing people and having them "melt by their own evil?" That's the cover fantasy for KILLING 'EM, kid. He hits them with a suspiciously electric "volt" of God and then they "melt" from their own evil? If he hit them with "god" wouldn't they, oh, I don't know...BE CONVERTED?

And yes, Wacky Protester showed up in 2003. It's pro-war nonsense. Next you'll be telling me that Iraqis are "melting from their own evil."

You need to detoxify, bro.

[mr. mike]

In that photo "The Fibber" looks like Dr. Forrester of MST3K going through some sort of psychedelic-clown-college-freakout.

BTW, the Fundamentalist Xtians love the Jews...or more precisely Israel. They "need" Israel to exist so that Revelations can be fulfilled according to their own reading of the last book in the Protestant Bible. So they support Israel in hopes that Jesus will return, kill an Antichrist that hasn't yet appeared, and end a horrible war that will take place in Israel. Once Christ returns, the Xtians walk away from Zionism and the Jews "gnash their teeth" realizing that they should've converted. Does any of this make sense? Hell no, but millions of American Protestants believe something like this (there are variations) will happen, and SOON.