Ah Spring/Summer, when a young woman’s fancy turns to thoughts of Boho-Luxe and other artificially inseminated fashion dictates. With glue guns still warm from nipping and tucking their Junior and Missy "visual stories," fashion merchandisers across the land have worked themselves into a folkloric frenzy of faux-ethno excess (see May 5 fiesta skirt post). Leading the charge is The Great Caf-Tunic Contagion of Spring/Summer 2005, which has officially whacked The Poncho Pandemic of Fall/Winter 2004 off its mass merch perch. Half tunic, half caftan, and ALL Gypsy-Chic, the Caf-Tunic hybrid has cut across price points and planograms to emerge as the hottest shmatte since Skorts. Blouse it out, belt it up, work it with a wedge, and serve that apple bottom like the legend that you are, bitch!
Touted for many months as an Important Summer Trend, it clogs up Size 0 waiting lists in Meatpacking District boutiques, monopolizes mannequins in Mandee mall stores, and stuffs the "Plus Size" circular racks at Conway's. Bias-cut, sequined, fringed, and "shot with shimmery hints of metallic." In glittery gauze chiffons, crepes, sheer silks, and synthetic blends. And in every unflattering tropical hue imaginable. Like a swarm of beaded locusts, the Caf-Tunic plague shall inhabit outlet center and department store aisles until the cleansing rains of Labor Day markdowns wash away its over-embroidered carcass, leaving liquidators to pick over its deeply discounted bones (see last winter's rhinestone brooch bonanza).
Also, despite its new found haute-ness, the Caf-Tunic shares some unfortunate genetic fibers with its trailer park predecessors. The humpback whales of women's wear - the muu muu (or "float dress"), patio dress, caftan, garden lounger, floral duster, and other assisted living-appropriate styles - have contributed their demode DNA to the C-T. And for those of you a bit broad across the beam, like myself, we suggest exercising caution in attempting to wear this tight-across-the-torso descendant. Come to think about it, perhaps it's time we revisit the frowsy fabulosity and slatternly chic of those billowy Omar the Tentmaker creations one associates with Liz Taylor and Shelley Winters. Screw the Caf-Tunic, I'll see YOU in the extended size racks of Catherines' loungewear department!
Monica {dramatic sigh} I love you.
Another fan of the mumu: Homer
Posted by: Zach in Philly | June 03, 2005 at 11:27 AM
Monica rocks the copywriting!
Posted by: krokus | June 03, 2005 at 03:22 PM
copywriting?! this stuff is way beyond copywriting. book, monica, write a book! at the very least, next year's premium should be a glossy magazine compilation of all these amazing monica blog posts. pure pleasure!!!!!!
Posted by: Doris in Rego Park | June 03, 2005 at 06:08 PM