Take Warning

Sure, many disclaimers contain important information meant to preserve life, limb, and the American way, but let’s face it, we’ve long since passed a fork in that road and are now obsessed with stating the obvious. There are two more cases to add to the “if you spill hot coffee on yourself, you may get burned” file:

Soft drink disclaimers. Wait, back up the train, soda contains sugar?

Hillary’s outrage over Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. You can download a hack for the video game that shows cartoon sex. Big surprise. The game’s disclaimer reads as follows: Rated Mature, for ages 17 and older, due to intense violence, blood and gore, strong sexual content, strong language and use of drugs. ‘Nuff said, Hillary. And anyway, if you are so determined to see virtual peg-people gettin' it on that you go through the trouble of searching out and downloading a program that mods your video game, then by god, you should be rewarded for your efforts with some pixillated porn.

SNL had foreshadowed disclaimer madness back in 1991 during a fake commercial for Happy Fun Ball (excerpt, MP3). Read the full transcript of the skit here. The late 90’s really opened the floodgates for disclaimers in America: the FDA relaxed rules concerning pharmaceutical ads on TV (leading to some borderline obscene disclaimer zen: “may cause ejaculatory disturbance, vomiting, rectal hemorrhage, urinary hesitancy, unusual discharge, constipation, prolonged erection...” ), then content ratings for TV appeared, ultimately making way for the v-chip (aka parental replacement device). Earlier this year, the FCC ruled that the airing of expletives in ABC’s broadcast of “Saving Private Ryan” was ok because disclaimers warning of strong language popped up after each commercial break.

In the mid-80’s (before my time there), my old college station was forced into the world of disclaimers after releasing a program guide that featured a nude photo of the entire staff on its cover (pictured, left). The university demanded that disclaimers be stamped onto each copy of the zine, thus absolving them of any responsibility for damages incurred from exposure to naked record geeks. Later, the university requested that on-air disclaimers be aired once an hour during the FCC safe harbor period (10pm-6am), when some indecent speech is allowed. Although we have no official disclaimers at WFMU, a few have been utilized:

Disclaimer: I am only peripherally interested in indie rock, and by default, those who are alleged to be its' hottest babes.  Context,  Mike Lupica's show

Disclaimer: I have been in many accidents this summer and take pain killers that screw up my show.  Context, Plug and Play with OCDJ

 

And we even enjoy some cautionary music from time to time (click song title for link to real audio):

Electric Six “Danger! High Voltage” from an archive of Inner Ear Detour with David Suisman
Yoko Ono “Walking on Thin Ice” as played on The Pounding System with Clay
Reatards “Looking for Danger” from Terre T's Cherry Blossom Clinic

Comments

[Scott]

How many times have you been searching for something like corn meal on the web and were rewarded with images that made you want to claw your own eyes out? I know it's happened to me once or twice at least.

Comparatively speaking, seeing a couple of cartoon characters getting busy is just no big deal.

[Krys O.]

I heard tell that this game shows the characters blasting prostitutes away after sex. Is that kosher?

[vjb2]

I'd say that's not only kosher, it's halal.

There's an ad on TV right now for a medication I used to be on, where happy smiley people absolutely gush about how glad they are that med only carries a low risk of sexual side effects. Oh, you can just TASTE their gladness. Thank you, GlaxoSmithKline!

[Ed_Word]

http://faq.gardenweb.com/faq/lists/weeds/2002110117013092.im.gif
is that the image you were talking about Scott?

or maybe this one

http://www.enasco.com/prod/images/xenopus.jpg

[boy tiger]

Hillary is totally a nightmare...

like maybe, she should be concerned about Billy using some cigars on an intern, instead of some video game action...

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