Despite the nicey-niceys you always hear on the radio, behind the scenes we can be a catty bunch. As a listener, I used to imagine WFMU was some idyllic collective in common pursuit of a pure appreciation of art and culture. Fuckin' hippy. Ultimately, my perverse nature got the better of me, and I peeked behind the curtain - and summarily got my big notions pricked, toute de suite. These People can't even get it together to enjoy a nice game of softball!
I have learned and gained much from the barbs, goofs, put-downs, cheap-shots, derision and humiliation WFMU DJs regularly inflict upon each other, but one recent near rumble illuminated something that's being lost to all of this: The Mystery.
The subject of the scuffle was Jandek.
Oh boy... Should he or Shouldn't he have gone public? Many think shouldn't. Others think should, for a variety of reasons. Most think it's a pointless argument that is utterly irrelevant to the man himself and offered only for the distraction of critics, fans and DJs. I'm with the Should Nots, but I should note that my opinion is based on a position of indifference. The last time I played Jandek on the air was August 20th 2001, and it was as part of a collage, fer cryin out loud!
Nope, never really been a fan - but the one thing I could always feel excited about concerning the elusive representative from Corwood Industries was the absolute mystery that surrounded him. One time, Irwin said this:
"...imagine a subterranean microphone wired down to a month-old tomb, capturing the sound of maggots nibbling on a decaying corpse and the agonized howls of a departed soul desperate to escape tortuous decomposition and eternal boredom."
There you go! Now imagine that while looking at this picture (hidden!)
No no no no no, that's not what Jandek music looks like! Jandek music looks like Jandek album covers, some of which illustrate this here blog post (and all of which live here.) And one time, Jandek said this:
"It's probable that your crafted story would be more interesting than any other. Intrigue goes a long way sometimes."
In fact, I think he was talking to Irwin. So yeah, I agree with that Jandek. Oh, maybe you've never heard Jandek. If that's the case, click any one of these words to hear a different Jandek song played on WFMU.
I shall now reveal some WFMU Mysteries for you, and you won't like it! Look below the fold, then remember the halcyon days when you had to rely on your own crafted story...
Professor Dum Dum is played by an actor named Carl, and he looks like this.
The Old Codger was actually voiced by Kenny G, who killed the character when he got his own show. All recent "Old Codger" appearances are actually clever manipulations of a very small number of existing shows.
DJ Trouble (not her real name) was a founding member of legendary super-mysterious no-wavers Inflatable Boy Clams.
The Dirty Duck is actually Diane Kamikaze, who actually looks like this:
Alan Watts is not actually buried in the basement of WFMU's old digs on Springdale Avenue.
Dave Emory is. I've already said too much...
for years I always wondered what Chris T, Ken Freedman & Andy Breckman looked like. The only one in which my imagination did not match up with was Chris T. I always imagined him being a skinny slightly tatooed guy.
Thank god for the internet, because for years I also wondered what the hell Terry Gross looked like. I have also done countless searches on the local NPR hosts, having grown very affectionate towards their voices...and unfortunately being confronted with something less than savory.
I always check the Howard Stern site to see these supposed "hot chicks' he rattles off about and I invariably get a mouthful of vomit.
Posted by: fatty | July 26, 2005 at 02:12 PM
Gee, Jandek gets played on WFMU ... Do I have to make 36 more albums before I do? (I know they had an album of mine at one point 'cuz I sent 'em a copy of Ayatollah of Understatement a couple years ago)
Posted by: just john | July 26, 2005 at 02:44 PM
Hilarious!
For my own, Jandek is the emperor's new clothes, whether I can see his face or not. Peel off the mask, there ain't nothin' there anyway.
Posted by: WmMBerger | July 26, 2005 at 04:08 PM
For the longest time, I couldn't tell if Diane Kamikaze was male or female. During this Liquid Sky daydream, the person imagination lent her to was an androgynous (though probably male) tall metal-punk character with whom I shared many a cross-walks with one afternoon in midtown. This person was wearing some kinda shoe-boot with really thick souls and an outfit that went well with the colorful Fun Machine. Since the Bust magazine article and volunteering on a Thursday two marathons in a row, the illusion has long been shattered. The one thing I can say, though, is that I have more respect for Diane and all the DJs I've met or seen. It's then and on that I realize these people are just like me: they go to work, buy food in grocery stores, and fight traffic/commute. AND, they do a these great, hand-crafted, time-intensive shows on WFMU ... which makes them pretty remarkable. Truth may not always be stranger than fiction, but it's not Monopoly money either.
Delightful post, Scott!
Posted by: Zach in Philly | July 27, 2005 at 12:02 AM
I am experimenting with the process of listening to each Jandek cut played by the DJs posted here while seeing how long into their shows it may take to find something less listenable. In each case, so far, it has happened. My point? Well to each his own... I find Jandek the ultimate DIY proponent - doing it for years, w/o compromise... I guess so many of the FMU free form DJs might disagree (and have...) - but, guess what, there's worse crap that gets played.. IMHO
Posted by: travel today | July 29, 2005 at 06:25 PM
here's my own blog about jandek and the recent flurry of activity and intrigue surrounding the upcoming new york city show:
http://echoplex.blogspot.com/2005/08/strange-phenomenon.html
Posted by: ocular spectra | August 13, 2005 at 03:51 AM