This Week in Sex

(definitely not safe for work, probably not safe for home,  basically not safe anywhere)

Insane clown sex posse. Let’s be honest: Clowns are a little scary. Sex is a little scary. Clowns having sex—well, that’s just too fucking sweet.

Go baby go! A recent study discovered that when men watch porn with other men in it, their sperm becomes more mobile.  The theory is that the risk of “sperm competition” (i.e., that  a woman may have more than one partner) jacks up the sperm count and quality. The study was done in Australia,  where I discovered that the sperm swim counter-clockwise.

Every morning / I hope and pray / a DreamStripper / will come my way. Thanks to the latest in “lifelike Hollywood technology,” there’s a new video game called DreamStripper 3D where you, presumably using your joy-stick, control the dancer’s every move. And you can play dress-up, too! Ensign Games tells us, “Either nude or in your favorite type of nurse, student, g-string, leather or other outfit, you can have her do any dance move you want.”  And if you want you can also make her wear a nurse, student, g-string, leather or other outfit, too, so you don’t feel weird.

Plastic + toys + sex = Not what you are thinking. It’s way better: Lego porn. via nerve.com

Sorry, did you say something? Female orgasm deactivates female brains. Now I only have to account for the other 23 hours and 59 minutes of inactivity a day.  P.S. I love that this story is from HardBeatNews, which is not what you are thinking: Hard + Beat + News = the only daily news bureau of Caribbean nationals in the Diaspora. Duh.

When I was a kid, we were told never to put anything smaller than a basketball in your ear, and never put anything larger than a race car in your hoohoo. But some kids never learn.

I’m thinking of a number between 1 and 10. Turns out that you guys who complain  that your penises are too small  probably don’t have a size issue at all—you’re  just  ignorant. There, don’t you feel better? A normal-sized penis is 1.6 inches or more when flaccid or 2.76 inches when stretched out, but the pecker-heads in this study thought the average was 5.1 inches. The experts who did the study say that you just need to get over it—the size of your head is all in your mind. Your ignorant little mind.

Big and tall department. Is that a really big gun in your really big pants, or are you just really happy to see me? Levi's Korea made the world’s largest pair of jeans for the Levis 501 Jeans Day Festival. OK, it was in 2003, and it’s not really about sex, but the record still stands. What the hell have you accomplished since 2003?

Please support our sponsor, Hooters Shooters, fine purveyors of the finest fully-functional-set-of-wearable-breasts-that-dispense-one-shot-of-alcohol-from-each-nipple (and fine future fabricators of the WFMU fake-breast marathon premium next year).

Gross sites via StationManager Ken. Duh.

Comments

[rich]

Cool!
Now any time I get in an argument with 'Intelligent Design'-type christo-fascists I'll bring up the study and ask them if god intended us to have wild orgies.

[Laurie]

What, no Knockers the Klown?

[KC]

ANTI:

http://www.stopclownpornnow.org/clownporn/bannedlinks.html

[pete]

theme song for shooting, hooters-wise