This Week in Sex: Meat!

This morning, a guy at work told the whole office about a dream where he created a new sandwich. It was made of a hot dog with rings and rings of calamari on it--he gestured sliding all the rings on. Then all the guys started talking about what condiments would be on it (both mustard and red sauce, if you must know). Am I the only one who thinks they were talking about more than a greasy hot dog with shmutz all over it it? Yes, apparently I am.

It's so hot that you could fry an egg on the sidewalk (you know it's summer when the news desk tricks the cub reporters into trying to do that). And it's also so hot that an art salami left in a pool of water all summer started to get stinky. It got so stinky that they didn't want to keep it around, even as art. 

Meat doesn't grow on trees. It grows in a dish!  We live in a glorious age, when it's possible to grow "something like spam" (which is something like meat) "at an incredibly high cost." The result is supposed to appeal to vegetarians, because it's meat without murder, and carnivores, because it's meat and they love meat, but it will appeal to neither, because it's synthetic meat sludge. Incredibly costly synthetic meat sludge.

Stop the presses...Meat does grow on trees! Magical sausage trees.

No, wait...Meat in a can. I'm sticking with good old meat in a can.

Pig art personality test. I care little for details.

And the wiener is...not you. The Oscar Meyer Ride of Your Life Contest has ended, but you can get Bologna Song ringtones to ease the pain. 

Sausages and prepared meats from A to Z. OK, from A to W(iener). There is definitely a marketing opportunity for sausages and prepared meats in the  X, Y, and Z categories.   

"Send a salami to your boy in the army" has a nice ring to it, but not as nice as "send a salami to every soldier in the 42nd Infrantry Division serving in Tikrit." Operation Salami Drop: “We know there are a bunch of homesick men and women over there, and to be able to do something. ... How do you put words to it? You have to do something. I can do salamis,” Marc Brummer said. Marc Brummer, will you marry me?

Pigs in space. You know the Chinese are sending pig sperm into space, right?

So to recap: Meat sludge in a museum is art. Meat sludge in a lab is science. Bologna is in your phone. Salami is flying to Iraq. Sperm is flying to the moon. But a hot dog in a dream is just a hot dog.

Comments

[Jeff Jotz]

Don't forget Cecil Adams' "Straight Dope" column in the Chicago Reader this week on why we don't call "aged beef" "old meat":

[WmMBerger]

The late prankster/artist Ray Johnson once dropped 60 foot long hot dogs over Long Island and got a gallery to foot the bill.

[listener dave from n'hampsha]

OK, the sausage tree is a pretty swell first step. I'll ask the question that's on everyone's mind: where's the bacon tree?

[amanda]

OK meat fans, you get a second helping (I didn't want to overdo it, but apparently there is no such thing as too much meat):

http://www.hatsofmeat.com/

[DJ David S]

Reminds me of the great DJ Yoda track "Meat Shake," which I played a while back.
Here's a link to the audio
http://www.wfmu.org/listen.ram?show=8979&starttime=1:14:41
and what the heck, here's the playlist
http://www.wfmu.org/playlists/shows/8979