You're fuckin' pretty loud, New Jersey!

Because it's an utter act of criminal negligence that this is not readily available via a quick google search, we hereby present to you the mentally-defying sounds of the between-song banter that tumbled from the mouth of Venom vocalist Cronos when his band played at City Gardens, (Trenton, NJ).

Venom - Spoken Excerpts Recorded live at City Gardens (Download MP3) (Not safe for work)

Backstory: In 1986, Black Metal legends Venom played what some thought of as an unlikely bill with Rollins-era Black Flag at famed punk dump City Gardens, in scenic Trenton, New Jersey. The club was a magnet for all types of unsavory social elements -- skinheads, criminals, bikers, leather-studded punks, people who liked Meat Beat Manifeto, and so forth. Anyway, the punkers, metalheads, and general thugs who turned out for the show not only got to witness two of the more badass bands of the era sharing a stage, but were also treated to some of the most (unintentionally?) hilarious between-song stage banter ever, courtesy of Venom's knuckle-dragging vocalist Cronos.

The story behind this recording is shrouded in mystery, but the local history texts claim that a Black Flag roadie recorded the entire show, cut out the middle sections of all the songs, and the subsequent stage banter and guitar intros/outros were released as an Ecstatic Peace single. The legacy of the recording is impressive, to say the least. It was sampled by the Beastie Boys on one of their records ("Because you're wild, man..... WIIIIILD!") and it's got more quotable one-liners than a Monty Python movie.

"You know what this is??! This comes from where Venom come from, it's called Newcastle Brown Ale! IT KNOCKS YOU ON YOUR FUCKIN' BACK, LET ME TELL YOU!!"

"You know, you've heard some rumors out here that Venom have packed in, yes? That Venom are supposed to have finished? WELL WE'RE RECORDING A FUCKING NEW ALBUM NOW!!!"

"You wanna hear something really heavy? ....YOU WANNA HEAR SOMETHING THAT'S GONNA KICK YOUR BALLS OFF???!!!"

And so on. Cronos' genius comedic delivery and his subtle methods of toying with the overly aggro crowd can't be captured with just a simple transcription. You gotta hear it.

It's a fair bet that between Tom Scharpling, Brian Turner, and myself, we could recite the whole thing word-for-word. (Note: I am not necessarily proud of this.) Due to FCC constraints, we've never been able to air the un-edited version on WFMU, as it appeared on Brian's amazing "Shut up and Play, Volume 1" CD premium, but we are now quite proud to deliver the goods via MP3 in their original, profane glory,  as the host of the hoary netherworld intended.

"Indeed.... Indeed".

(Click here to stream Real Audio archive of Venom performing "Live Like an Angel, Die Like a Devil")

Comments

[Rawbge]

A classic, I'm glad to know my group of freaks aren't the only ones who find this hilarious.Indeed!!Glad to know some of the history of this recording.You guys are the greatest..INDEED!

[Jim]

Maybe it was the marijuana, but My friends & I were convinced that Timmy from SOUTH PARK sounded like Cronus when he yelled, Gobbles!!!

[Trey Desolay]

Wait ... isn't that a picture of Rob Schneider?

[rich]

Ahh, the memories!
During that exact era, as a punk listening guy living in a hickoid town, I had a brief infatuation with speedmetal when the punk well started running dry. Listening to that recording rubbed salt in a wound I thought had long healed. Venom was neither fast or particularly 'good'. Nor were they very extreme or nasty. Even really horrid bands are capable of some kind of stage presence with regard to in-between song banter. Kronos is just plain sad. He could've studied the 'Nuge, who I'm convinced listened to lots of bawdy women comedian records, especially Rusty Warren.
In Krono's defence though, it should be pointed out that - although scads cooler - Lemmy from Motorhead's stage patter is kind of weak, too. But his bass playing will blast the hair off your head, even as he approaches retirement age.

[Tony]

You aren't the only ones who know this almost by heart. Ever since we heard it on one of those Celebrities At Their Worst comps, it's been a favorite in our little circle of music geek friends. My favorite part is when his voice cracks while he's screaming "waaaaar-heeeeead!"

There used to exist a Venom fan page with riotous factoids like "Kronos screwed his first chick at age 12!!!", but I sadly can't find it now.

[A.Nobody]

And to think when I played there in '82, and my drummer had to make emergency repairs to his snare mid-set, I filled time whistling the Andy Griffith Show theme.

[keith]

Ah, this is a classic! I was on the road with Sonic Youth in the early 90's when Thurston got this cassette, indeed from a BF roadie who simply paused his Walkman when Venom played and then unpaused it for the in between song banter. Thurston would howl these lines constantly and always had us all in stitches....he then brought it out as a 7" on Ecstatic Peace.

[Chuck Jones]

I feel stupid about it now, but I never realised that the tape was cut. I just thought that Venom had ridiculously short songs; sort of like Lawnmower Death and Naked City.

[Randy Then]

That would be a great art project -- to cover the Venom songs just as they were heard here (i.e. with the middles cut out.) I can hear the 4 second masterpiece being bashed out of suburban garages all over NJ already:

"OooohhhhhhhhhhhhuuuuuuHHH, Black Me-TAL!" (budum pum.)

[warren]

http://warrenzone.blogspot.com/2005/08/metal-breakout.html

that's a trackback, sorry

[NorwegianBlackMetalMafia]

There is a ditto King Diamond/Mercyful Fate 7" out somewhere.

[WWWhatsup]

I think it was at The Ritz show just prior to this, we developed the 'Venom salute' - which consisted of presenting dual middle fingers, and used it extensively in Cronos' face at this one..

[Brian]

Venom's 1985 live debut in San Francisco is still the stuff of legend because of how terrible they were. Opening act Slayer profoundly blew them off the stage. For some Old School Venom memories:

http://haggis_buffet.blogspot.com/2005/09/black-metal.html

[larissa]

heh-heh

I've been waiting a long time to hear this. 20 years, honestly.

I wasn't at the show.

but I admire Rollins and I asked him about this encounter with Venom many years back (what, twenty now?!?)

truth told, Venom were the band that steered me towards guitar. Rather than Black Flag. So what does that tell ya? NOT MUCH probably, but tHANKS for uploading this! you've done us no-talents a service!

:o)

[scott]

I remember this show like it was 20 years ago...I also seem to remember that Overkill opened things up. I was a college student back then. Took SEPTA to Trenton even tho I had no idea where City Gardens was. I figured I could just ask someone up there, like they'd all know. It was easy to identify who was going to the show on the train, so I joined up with a couple guys from the train and we walked over there. Got stoned and drunk in the parking lot (of course!). I managed to work my way up to the stage for Venom and had my hand on Mantas guitar monitor the whole time. I couldn't hear for a week after that and I'm pretty sure alot of that hearing never came back. Had bruised ribs from everyone pushing me into the stage from behind. I still have the pick I swiped from Cronos mic stand after the show too. Had no way home after the show, but found a couple guys heading back to Philly so caught a ride with them to Center City. Good times! Wish I could remember more of the hilarious banter from Cronos. Must have had something to do with all the booze, etc I did there...and in the years after...

[Leffe]

you find a list of all venom show ever on the site:
www.fromhell.se

[phil]

If you think this is hysterical i went to see venom March 2006 in london and its
exactly the same,
For the first 20 mins i was doubled up pissing my self
laughing at the absurdity of watching a bunch of guys middle 40`s in bullet belts and spandex,,you could see cronos trying to hold back the laughter everytime he came out with another black metal satanic type saying,
i haven`t laughed so much at a band in years,
Loved venom from the first album in 81, i was only 12

[Legion]

That is venom

[R0B]

The unforntunate thing about this set of clips is that they were recorded to make fun of Venom. The Black Flag gang supposedly hated Venom, thought they were a joke, and made this collection of banter to put the band down. It's too bad, because I think Venom were probably a 1,000-times more entertaining in every way then mid-80's Black Flag (and many would say Black Flag at their worst period). I think Mr. "I take myself very, very seriously" H. Rollins didn't get the entertainment value of Venom, and probably still doesn't.

[Me]

I saw a band in Detroit once while stoned. No surprise there. Pretty typical condition for me at night--cannabis is part of my diet--so I was feeling a bit slow in realizing it, but after the third or fourth song, I realized the group's in-between banter was deliberately lifted from several popular '70s double-live rock LPs: Kiss Alive, Frampton Comes Alive, etc. It was effing hilarious, but I suspect only a few of us in the crowd actually realized the intricate in-joke.

[You]

Oh, and please don't "admire" Rollins, unless you're his mom or something. We've met him before, he's a phony and arrogrant jerk, using his minimal acting ability to try to appear either buddy-buddy friendly or faux-aggressive (or pretentiously vapid as a "writer") as the opportunity benefits him, to be worth the effort.

[Satanachist!]

Thanks for this! Need a new monitor now. Don´t drink anything while listening!
Loved them when I was a metal kid in the 80s, I confess...Perfect band to shock your parents with back then. And they kind of started this whole Black Metal thing. The Black Metal bands that came after them were, and still are, even sillier, taking themselves really serious in their facepaint.

[Andy]

I can't believe this was recorded. I was at this show! It was as much fun as any show I ever went to. The lead singer of Overkill was a friend of a friend. He asked if we wanted to come early and help them set up. We did, of course.

Besides a great show and the best stage banter ever, the highlight of our evening was unfortunately, not recorded. Not long before the doors opened, the guys from Venon were milling around inside the club. The drummer, being the classy sort that he was, was walking around in spandex pants that were about two sizes too small and with no shirt on. I think the pants were too small to button so he just left them undone with the top half of his ass hanging out.

As he walks by me and my friend, he leans over, and says with a grin, "The girls from Sodom let me stick it in their bottom..." and then walks away.

We've been laughing at that for 23 years.