When I awoke suddenly at 3 a.m. the other night to the sound of a ferociously loud motorcycle on the street outside, I knew then what this week's post would be about. After trying to fall back to sleep for 30 minutes, I got up and started writing.
Those who know me know that I am all for noise in the proper context. I listen to music that often prompts others to say "that's not music." I love Merzbow, MB, Goat, Yoko Ono, Whitehouse and The New Blockaders. But noise in the public, urban landscape can be intrusive, offensive, disruptive, disheartening and sometimes rage-producing. Usually this kind of noise is propagated by individuals guilty of what I consider to be the greatest of personal sins: obliviousness. They're oblivious to the fact that they share their environment with others who are trying to live their lives in relative peace and harmony, i.e., "that's me, and I'm doin' it 'cause it feels good." Most city noise isn't personal or malicious, it's worse; it's negligent and casually disrespectful.
Every so often, I read something about the measurement of big city noise levels, or about some legislator who wants to mount anti-noise laws as a quality of life issue, but things don't ever seem to change that much, and I think the whole situation speaks to the sad limitations of human nature and humans in general. Environmental noise is likely causing us more harm than mere annoyance. There is also speculation that noise may be making our kids dumb (see this link too) and hard of hearing. Noise may also be damaging our wildlife.
When I enter "street noise nuisance" into Google, 90% of the links on the first 3 pages are UK-based; is this because the British are more apt to use the term "nuisance" or because goddamit, we're the USA, we're loud, proud, aggressive and prone to preemptive invasions? In fact, a battery of noise-complaint-related Google searches I did brought up more UK and Canada-related links in general, supporting the common notion (which I'd like to believe is wrong) that Canadians and the British are generally more civilized than we are. (The few relevant links I was able to find that related directly to the northeastern US are collected at the end of this post.)
We all have our "if I were Mayor, President, or King of the Free World" fantasies, and here are a few noise-related offenses that I, were I to ever hold high office, would terminate with extreme prejudice.
Car Stereos
Why are you such an idiot that you need to rattle the earth with your car stereo? If you're that given to primitive displays, trade in all your personal wealth and display it as gold on your body. Your taste is not all that good, you are not an individual. If your "boomin' system" is so loud that I can feel the bass shaking the foundation of my building and discern every other nuance of the song you're playing with the windows of my apartment closed, how retarded (and unable to properly drive) is that volume making you, inside your car? And more importantly, how can you stand it? Is showing off more important than being able to concentrate? I guess it is.
The police should always pull over cars with loud stereos, 'cause it's an asshole-dead-giveaway, and chances are good that some other crime against society is being perpetrated, or at least considered, inside the vehicle.
We live next to a bank, and a common practice (especially among males 18-25) is to park in the fire zone behind the bank, and leave the stereo running at Baghdad air-strafe levels while they run in to do their business. Based on the offense to my quality of life, I should be allowed to then set the vehicle on fire, thereby expressing my individuality. At the very least, it should be acceptable practice to pour a sticky soft drink all over the seats. Vehicle ownership is a privilege, not a right, and monkeys would never behave so inconsiderately toward one another.
Car Alarms
No car alarm ever prevented any car from being stolen. All these devices have ever done was create noise pollution and reduce quality of life. Car alarms have been established as a racket between their manufacturers and insurance companies who will raise your premiums if you don't have one, even though a car alarm can go off all night in the city without any official lifting a finger, much less seeing to it that your vehicle doesn't get stolen. I'm way beyond caring how many people the car alarm industry employs; go work at Wendy's.
Anyone who's lived in the city is familiar with that car alarm, in manufacture since the 80s, that goes ceaselessly through an iteration of spirit-crushing sounds until the negligent, oblivious moron that is its owner comes out and turns it off. This type of alarm is also so sensitive that it goes off whenever a truck or motorcycle goes past, or a feather or anything else weighing .000001 lbs. lands on the hood. In places like Brooklyn (where I lived for 10 years), where necessity dictates that your parking spot is often nowhere near where you're bedding down, vehicle alarms can literally run all night. Legislature should be drafted to allow the average citizen to do anything necessary to a car whose alarm has run for more than 10-15 minutes; we'd see how fast vehicle owners would adopt quieter (and more effective) ways of protecting their cars, like VIN etching and kill switches.
Leaf Blowers
Leaf blowers are not just a city problem, they are the province of the lawn and yard-care obsessed everywhere! Strangely, like car alarms, their nuisance level is high and their actual purpose level can be quite low, especially in the case of the McDonald's across the street from us (leaves, garbage and other filth blown on random weekday mornings @ 7:30am.) When you're not blowing debris into a pile and then bagging it for disposal, all you're doing is blowing it around and out of the way, and into the atmosphere to be inhaled by an unsuspecting public. Just try explaining this to a crusty crew of immigrant landscapers, or some suburban mook who lives and dies by his lawn. They give those lawn guys airport-runway earmuffs, but what about the neighbors who'd like to sleep for another hour, can I have a pair too? The denizens of Home Depots everywhere should be forced to have one less toy in their arsenal and pick up a goddamn rake.
Motorcycles
Ever since I learned from that Roseanne episode that a simple mechanical adjustment could make your bike louder than it needed to be, I've been wondering if bikes and bikers were really all that cool. (Becky's boyfriend Mark adjusts Dan Conner's bike so it's not on the "loud" setting; Dan (John Goodman) gets mad, not only 'cause the kid touched his Harley, but also because he intended for his hog to roar.) If all bikers really want to do is live free, ride free, and not be hassled by the man, why is disturbing the public such a given part of their agenda?
Any "biker" that was ever a neighbor of mine had a very similar routine: Take out the tools, tinker for 1/2 hour, ride around the local neighborhood for 5-10 minutes, rattling windows, spiking cat's tails and making the old and incontinent soil themselves. Come back, tinker with the tools some more, ride again for 5-10, repeat etc. None of these guys ever belonged to a "club" or actually went anywhere on their precious bikes. Captain America and Billy would never have done their fellow man so grievously.
Clearly, I need to get out of the city.
Never fear, Adventures in the NWW List will resume in due course.
Related links:
Washington Post article
From nj.gov
League for the Hard of Hearing
New Hampshire Union Leader
2 Comments:
I recall you playing me some of that "music" and me calling it something like "20 minutes of static."
I agree with your "bikes" comments. When i rode, i did not annoy my neighbors, i actually RODE my motocycle to places, not wanting to just "show off" to the locals. Most of those guys that tinker with their so-called preciously cool "Harley" really need to understand that the size of their wanker really shouldn't matter.
Posted by: ibeam | September 22, 2005 at 10:00 AM
Thanks for another great blog entry, Wm! I couldn't agree more. But I'd like iBeam to remember it's not just guys with Harleys: in my neck o' the woods it's those godawful Ninjas and what-not, those Japanese superbikes that are ridden by the most annoying, oblivious idiots on the planet. As much as I hate winter, I find myself longing for it arrival, just to be free of street noise...
Posted by: Chris T. | September 22, 2005 at 11:45 AM
Best resource for noise I've found: http://www.nonoise.org/, the Noise Pollution Clearinghouse. Lots of info on how to deal with it and freindly helpful people. Noise = any sound you don't like! Sounds good to me.
Cheers,
Lipwak
who loves silence as much as FMU. New noise to battle: propeller airplanes. Get mufflers on those things!
Posted by: John L | September 22, 2005 at 12:08 PM
I like to imagine all of the "boombox" cars on the road are having important lugnuts and/or screws slowly separating due to the excessive vibrations. They will eventually fall apart on the road with comic effect. But the drivers will still be oblivious to this because they're FUCKING DEAF!
Deafness is the next big thing. Eh?
Posted by: Krys O. | September 22, 2005 at 01:37 PM
In the UK we probably are more likely to complain about noise pollution than some places, but it's not all bad - we do (I believe, and our car alarms behave like this) have legislation that a car alarm must stop, at least periodically, every 30 seconds or so. So the hours of constant noise that so entranced Cage is a rarity here. However, I swear one of my neighbours has given up switching off his alarm whenever he needs to get something out of the car; his alarm goes off once or twice every. Single. Day.
Posted by: Tim Rutherford-Johnson | September 22, 2005 at 01:53 PM
On a visit to a smaller Canadian city, I was struck by how quiet it was, despite two giant cranes across the street erecting a condo building. (Come to think of it, concrete probably isn't that loud while it's being poured, but then again, our Canadian brothers and sisters are incredibly courteous and soft spoken). My visit was a audio portrait in 19th century peace and quiet (the horse drawn historical tour clip-clopped by the window every morning - delightful). Krys O. is right. Deafness is the next big thing, and we should all be buying stock in hearing aid manufacturers - I have a feeling that I may outlive today's young'uns who've ruptured their innards with MegaBass.
Posted by: Superorchestra | September 22, 2005 at 03:42 PM
I only live at night because it is actually quite.
Fucking Chicago CTA...this is one of my biggest gripes...These goddamn speakers that they installed on every bus. An external speaker to loudly announce the route and street and every GODDAMN CORNER! and if your inside the bus, every five minutes your subjected to another threatening or inane message by the CTA.
I work on this shitty street full of sports & yuppie bars. One of the bars has extremely shitty cover bands play every night...and it's loud! It strikes me as ironic that someplace like the Lounge Axe, which could arguably be considered a , um, cultural institution of sorts, was shut down due to noise complaints (the condos moved in) while this bar can blast its countless crap versions of "Jack & Diane" over & over so half-wits can booze it up and not be bothered by meaningful conversation because the music is so loud.
motorcycles! jesus! 3 quarters of my bike riding depends on listening...when these idiots blast away on their booming bikes, the sound bounces off of everything...so I don't know if their right up my ass about to plow into me or if they are two lanes over. They might as well fucking blind-fold me for 30 seconds.
Posted by: fatty_jubbo | September 22, 2005 at 04:45 PM
Actually, I find those boomin' systems fascinating. Obnoxious, but fascinating.
http://www.thepopview.com/boomcars.html
At the CES Show, I once saw an old VW Bug that was essentially nothing but two front seats backed by a huge sound system. Total overkill.
Posted by: The Pop View | September 22, 2005 at 05:32 PM