This post concerns the most utterly mediocre music ever made, and the earth-shatteringly banal (and interchangeable) "bands" that made it - and yet I'm doing you a favor. Because I know you can't tell them apart, and it's been bugging you, as it's been bugging me, to match the SMOOTH HIGH-HARMONIED 1974-80 AM RADIO HIT to the ANONYMOUS WHITE, LIKELY MUSTACHIOED GUYS WITH THE LONG-FORGOTTEN NAME who made it.
Can you honestly tell the difference between Ambrosia and Pablo Cruise? Ace and Pilot? Have the words "whutchoo gonna do when she says goodbye? whutchoo gonna do when she is gone?" been permanently etched onto your ear, yet without the courtesy of an author to claim resposibility? I'm here for YOU. This is a PUBLIC SERVICE. Honestly, I'm sure this'll do you some good. (And I actually really like 2 of these songs! .... OK, one and a half.)
Clickable mp3 song snippets on the left, bands on the right -- some bands have multiple entries, just so you can be shocked by how many fucking hits they had. (And one giant yellow clue.)Baby Come Back || Biggest Partof Me || Dance With Me || Diamond Girl || Get Closer || How Long || How Much I Feel || I Just Wanna Stop || Just Remember I Love You || Kiss You All Over || Lady || Lonesome Loser || Let Me Love You Tonight || Love Will Find A Way || Magic || Reminiscing || Sad Eyes || Sharing the Night Together || Sky High || Still The One || Whatcha Gonna Do || When You're In Love With A Beautiful Woman || You Are The Woman || I'd Really Love To See You Tonight. (ALL mp3 SAMPLES)
Ace || Ambrosia || Dr. Hook || England Dan & John Ford Coley || Exile || Firefall || Gino Vanelli || Jigsaw || Little River Band || Orleans || Pablo Cruise || Pilot || Player || Pure Prairie League || Robert John || Seals & Crofts
Jump the flip, solve the crime.
The Answers:
"Get Closer" by Seals & Crofts
"Diamond Girl" by Seals & Crofts
"Kiss You All Over" by Exile
"Magic" by Pilot
"Baby Come Back" by Player
"Sad Eyes" by Robert John
"Sharing the Night Together" by Dr. Hook
"When You're in Love With a Beautiful Woman" by Dr. Hook
"Sky High" by Jigsaw
"I'd Really Love to See You Tonight" by England Dan & John Ford Coley
"Biggest Part of Me" by Ambrosia
"How Much I Feel" by Ambrosia
"I Just Wanna Stop" by Gino Vanelli
"Let Me Love You Tonight" by Pure Prairie League
"How Long" by Ace
"Lady" by Little River Band
"Lonesome Loser" by Little River Band
"Reminiscing" by Little River Band
"Still The One" by Orleans
"Dance With Me" by Orleans
"Whatcha Gonna Do" by Pablo Cruise
"Love Will Find A Way" by Pablo Cruise
"You Are The Woman" by Firefall
"Just Remember I Love You" by Firefall
We'll go dancing in the dark, walking through the park, and reminiscing.
Posted by: Andy Baio | October 12, 2005 at 01:13 PM
You forgot "Chevy Van" by...er...ummm...whoever that guy was...
and "Dancing in the Moonlight" by...yeah...that group...
Brian Wilson mentioned "Magic" as a favorite single in one interview I read, for what it's worth. Still can't believe that it's so...
Posted by: James from Hoboken | October 12, 2005 at 01:24 PM
I love that pilot song. I have been trying to think how it actually goes because I always confuse it with some 80's song called "magic". but whenever I hear it it send shivers down my spine! very affecting stuff! hmmm...you don't agree...I dunno, maybe something very traumatic happened to me at the roller-rink as that song played. bashed my head, went into a siezure?
Posted by: fatty jubbo | October 12, 2005 at 01:48 PM
Get the unabridged history of yachtrock here. Starts at the bottom
http://www.channel101.com/shows/show.php?show_id=152
Posted by: Cynthia | October 12, 2005 at 01:52 PM
"but whenever I hear it it send shivers down my spine! very affecting stuff! hmmm...you don't agree..."
Actually, I like "Magic" quite a bit. And "Dancing in the Moonlight" and "Chevy Van," believe it or not. I don't mind "How Long" by Ace, either. And I love "Amie" by Pure Prarie League (which Scott W. didn't list, but could have).
I draw the line at Orleans, though. And I can only tolerate a Seals and Croft tune if it's a cover by the Isley Brothers.
Posted by: James from Hoboken | October 12, 2005 at 01:57 PM
I love that Gino Vanelli track "I just Wanna Stop". That kind of smooth blue eyed soul sound was never cool and Gino made Hall and Oates seem lile Motorhead in comparison but there was just some thing about the songs and the voice. I still have the album.
Posted by: DJ Gordy | October 12, 2005 at 02:05 PM
I think the radio station we listened to at my old job had all these songs on their playlist.
Posted by: zoe | October 12, 2005 at 02:36 PM
so mediocre...maybe take a survey of the most common thrift store/bargain bin albums
Posted by: ortsed | October 12, 2005 at 02:39 PM
I once worked at a thrift store. For 8 hours a day I had to endure LITE FM. They blasted it at top volume in order to drown out the massive chorus of clinking hangers and bawling babies. It was absolute HELL as they played the same 20 songs over and over and over. My only way of dealing with it was to sing along out of tune as I rehung clothing that lazy assholes didn't have the effort to put back on the hangers. I had all the promo spots memorized "NOT TOO HARD. NOT TOO SOFT. MUSIC. THE WAY YOU WANT IT. LITE FM"
The record bin at this thrift store featured the usual suspects: phil collins, carpenters, dan fogelberg. I soon realized this was because they had a woman weed out the records to make room for the new shipment. I was in utter disbelief when I found her pushing the shopping cart full of great records towards the dumpster. Herbie Hancock, Sun Ra, some Dead Kennedys bootleg...nothing severely rare, but I don't even want to think about what she might have trashed. She also did this with all the books, weeding out all the strange old books and leaving about 50 copies of that fucking Lee Iocaca book on the shelf.
The thrift store had a sign above the records that said "ALBUMS $1 - 45s 50 cents". I took the liberty to interpret "ALBUM" as meaning a whole book of 78s...which I gleefully sold to enthusiastic record geeks for $1. Technically, it IS an album.
For some reason they had all the CDs (which were utterly worthless) behind the jewelry counter as if these were extremely valubale items.
Posted by: fatty jubbo | October 12, 2005 at 03:49 PM
Pilot were fantastic and we love to hear their albums in our household. And Gino Vanelli did the prog-thing real, real well plus he had an unearthly falsetto. Both artists/groups were played by me when I was on the air back in the day-o.
Posted by: Krys O. | October 12, 2005 at 04:01 PM
Is there any contemporary equivalent to this kind of music? I don't think Norah Jones really quite fits, though Norah Jones may be today's answer to Hall and Oates.
Of course, the thing about the seventies is you would here How Much I Feel followed by Boston's More than a Feeling. Maybe you didn't really hear that, but it seems like you could have.
Posted by: Listener Paul | October 12, 2005 at 04:11 PM
James sed: "And I love 'Amie' by Pure Prarie League (which Scott W. didn't list, but could have)."
to which I sez: "I love 'Amie'! But I think it doesn't fit with the rest, whereas "Let Me Love You Tonight" (which blows) does. Also really like 'Reminiscing' w. that great 'I Love Lucy' theme intro, and kinda really like the stunning McCartney leaps of "Sky High".
Posted by: Scott W | October 12, 2005 at 04:15 PM
Scott W said: "Also really like 'Reminiscing' w. that great 'I Love Lucy' theme intro."
Wow, "TV Casualty" by the Misfits *ends* with the I Love Lucy theme. That would be a neat idea for a mix CD with, say, a television watching theme. Start it off with the Little River Band song, and end it with the Misfits tune. You get nice "I Love Lucy theme" bookends for the mix.
Posted by: James from Hoboken | October 12, 2005 at 04:43 PM
Good job here. I tried doing this list a few years back for a compilation (for a friend). It's tough work. I got most of these eventually, but after days and days of researching and racking my brain trying to recall anything that stood out about the songs, I came to the same conclusion: the songs and bands were all interchangeable. (Except maybe LRB, who seemed to be a little more prolific and certainly had more longevity.)
I can't wait for the 10 volume Rhino "Yacht Rock" series. You know it's coming. You just know it...
Posted by: Billy K | October 12, 2005 at 05:33 PM
Not to "brag" on my prowess here, but I got almost all of them without even clicking the clips. My very first live concert was England Dan and John Ford Coley in 1976. (I was 12 and went with my Mom. to the Secrest Auditorium in Zanesville, OH) This was the year that I discovered the Casey Kasem's American Top 40, and foreshadowing my future career as a librarian, I wrote it down every week, carefully charting song movements and such. If I had to do something when it was on, I paid my sister to do it for me. When the local station moved it to Sunday mornings, I quit going to church. So these songs are like the soundtrack to my discovery of the power and value of music. I might have added a little Heatwave "Always and Forever" personally. And Air Supply! Good God, Air Supply!
Posted by: Buckeye Girl | October 12, 2005 at 09:58 PM
You're making me cry... EVERY SINGLE TRACK here is one that I and my parents heard and sang along to 10,000 times in the seventies. The sad part? I'd actually love to have a compilation with all these tracks on it, in full. And hey, Little River Band are far from anonymous white has-beens in their native Australia; they're a national institution. Scarely a month goes by without an update on what Glen and Beeb are up to these days. And yes, what ABOUT Air Supply??
Posted by: Cherie Birkin | October 12, 2005 at 11:24 PM
From October 30, 2004, http://www.freepress.org/columns/display/7/2004/976
"Amidst a torrent of bad news, yet another George W. Bush fiasco has erupted with his attempt to use the rock standard 'Still the One' as his theme song without bothering to ask its author for permission.
"Rock and roll legend John Hall has issued a cease and desist order. John Hall says he doesn't want his song 'used to promote the candidacy of someone who has been a disaster for the environment.' After widely announcing 'Still the One' and blaring it at public rallies, Bush now says he won't use it."
I wonder what John Hall would think about being classified as "yacht rock"?
Posted by: Guest | October 13, 2005 at 12:23 AM
I've already fessed that I really like that "Reminiscing" song of Little River Band's -- but really, "Lonesome Loser" and "Lady" are perfectly exemplary tracks here! And I'm sorry, but I don't think Air Supply makes the cut: they came too late, and quite frankly, they had character! That's not a defense, it's just that when an Air Supply song came on, you knew it was them. And Hall & Oates absolutely do not deserve inclusion here - they had way too many really great songs. And screw Orleans, decent environmental politics is no excuse for "I want to be your partner, can't you see?" -- and that album cover, hooooo....
Posted by: Scott W | October 13, 2005 at 11:29 AM
How about America! Horse with No Name. And, of course, Bread! Baby Ima want you.
Posted by: Listener Paul | October 13, 2005 at 12:48 PM
That Orleans LP cover scared the beejeezus outta me when I was a kid in the '70's. The mental scars prevented me from removing my shirt until I was a teenager.
Posted by: MattN | October 13, 2005 at 01:35 PM
My sister suggested Paul Davis might belong on this list. He had "I Go Crazy" and "65 Love Affair" fame. I was AMAZED that she came up with 65 Love Affair.
My sister also reminded me that she also often had to tape the Top 40 for me on a handheld cassette player. Because once she had a cold and snotted all over Andrew Gold's "Thank You for Being a Friend" , and we still sing it with the sniffs attached, when we come across a Golden Girls rerun.
Posted by: buckeye girl | October 13, 2005 at 06:11 PM
"Magic" is brilliant. Listen to those post-imagist lyrics...
Posted by: George Stuart | October 13, 2005 at 07:37 PM
I don't think "Magic" or "Sky High" belong on the list, they are too identifiable in style if forgettable as to artist - they just don't fit the other homogenous blend, maybe too early?.
"You're Still the One" has been forever spoiled for me as the theme song for bad Oldies format radio commercials everywhere.
Posted by: Guest | October 13, 2005 at 09:46 PM
This remind me of the muzak playlists at the grocery store I worked at for years.
Oh, I also worked at a thrift shop. Thankfully, they didn't dump the crazy good stuff out! heh. But, for certain--I've been in thrift shops like the one mentioned--because you know that after so long of going to these places--that if they have the same 20-30 lps sitting there--the management feels as though that is enough--and they junk them--losing good money for thier charity in the process.
I also wonder if some of these thrift shops have ultra conservative management--people that will let the "yacht rock" in--but is too afraid that even "whipped cream and other delights" is too much (based on the cover). geeze--the thousands of herb alpert's that have probably been tossed because of this--
Posted by: Zach | October 14, 2005 at 09:39 AM
and yeah--that might not be a bad thing---
Posted by: Zach | October 14, 2005 at 09:41 AM