This Week in Sex: Baby, It's Cold Inside

Station manager Ken forwarded me an email from the Netherlands which said: "Could you slip this to Amanda?"

Sounded great, until I found out "this" was a giant icy penis with its own parking space. Cold, people, cold.

The email continued:  "I think this one will fit nicely in her most informative blog."

(Editor's note: The pic purportedly ran in a leading Dutch newspaper, and blog is the Dutch word for...something giant penises fit nicely into.)

Grandmaster of Iron Crotch Tu Jin-Sheng pulled a rental truck around a parking lot a couple times with his penis. I don't know why it is important that the truck was a rental.

There oughta be a law. There is, and it is the best law ever. A judge in Fond du Lac, Wisconsin, makes guys who get busted for peeing in public apologize in public--in a letter to the editor in the Fond du Lac Reporter. For example, Michael Huebner of Madison, Wisconsin, wrote: "I am so terribly sorry for urinating outside of a public place in your city. It was not a very intelligent thing to do." Amen! You could revitalize certain dormant political parties with this stuff.

Things you didn't know you needed to worry about. Your labia should be tan, but your anus should not, especially if you want to "keep your bum-hole looking younger." If I could see it, maybe I would care more.

mp3s of radio commercials for schlocksploitation movies. This is the best thing I am slipping you this week, so go check it out at toestubber.

Sugar daddy. If you like porncrawler Fleshbot but can't read the big words, podnography is the podcast for you. The week in smut sounds almost civilized when recapped by veddy British Sam Sugar. I said almost.

Bad call. Lucky New Jersey motorists calling a toll-free number for handicapped or animal-friendly license plates got a phone sex line instead. I said lucky.

"Have fun" with a fake false-positive pregnancy test. I can't think of when this would not be fun and  appropriate, though apparently it does have the "potential to be used irresponsibly." Someone in the legal department is just so cynical.

Don't slip any of this in my blog stocking:

• Homemade safe sex pillows with helpfully ugly condom pockets.
• Homemade Atari joystick cum vibrator. via boingboing
• Homemade dirty cookies.
• Homemade giant icy penis.

Dear office secret Santa, here's a hint. How about hooking me up with Freddy Mercury's Rolls Royce, which is being sold as a fundraiser for World AIDS Day, so you'll get that warmfuzzy gift-giving feeling x2? (I'm getting you a new car with a naked guy. Warmfuzzies x2! via fazed.net)

Condom rapper. Folks are buzzing about how 50 Cent is planning to release his own line of condoms and sex toys, based on a comment he made to GQ magazine: "I need to make a 50 Cent condom, and a motorized version of me." Motorized like this?

Thanks to Corinna, Bas van Dam, Listener Mike, and Station Manager Ken

Comments

[poesboes]

Hi Amanda! What would you expect but cheezy innuendo from the Netherlands? And remember: sometimes a blog is just a blog.. (Not so for yours ofcouse!)

[johnny]

Hey Amanda,
As a denizen of the town of Fond du Lac, I look forward to reading the letters every month, and scratch my head in disbelief at the sheer number of folks who can't hold it long enough to make it to a public restroom.
However, I must point out that it's not only GUYS that have to write the letters of apology; quite often it's the fairer sex that's been caught--quite literally--with their pants down.

[Amanda Barrett]

I squat corrected.