Schlong: Live on WFMU (Video)

It seems that almost every time some bit of archival material from WFMU's sordid past is presented on this blog, or any other, the phrase "dug out" is used by the author (as in: "You'll never believe what I dug out", or "it took me years to dig this one out".) This tactic is probably employed to help bolster the author's idea that what they've unearthed is indeed a priceless, archeological treasure. It's common knowledge that no one ever found the Rosetta Stone "behind the lawnmower" just as no one ever accidentally bumped into The Rake's Progress underneath a pile of monkey crap. But last night... last night, my friends.... I literally "dug out" something that exposes the Rosetta Stone and the Rake's Progress for the 3rd rate thrift store detritus that it truly is.

In the back of my closet I found a videocassette with a 13 minute clip of Schlong performing live at WFMU in 1991. (50 meg, .WMV format)

I'm sorry, I should've told you to sit down and get a glass of water first. Good thing I was here to catch you.

Who the hell are Schlong? (Jump the fold to "unearth" the history, or whatever...)

Schlong was a band from somewhere in Northern California. Here at WFMU, there is only one true expert on that music, and it is former left-coaster Miss Liz Berg. She and I have a great deal of shared nostalgia for the 80s/90s musical universe of retardo punk bands such as Schlong, Sewer Trout, Crimpshrine, Oppressed Logic, Plaid Retina, Kamala and the Karnivores, 23 More Minutes, Stikky, Brain Oil (who played in Liz's living room once, I have just learned) and innumerable others. As a left-coaster, Liz could probably offer you insider perspective on the subtleties and nuances of these artists, what they were like as people, the struggles they grappled with on a day to day basis, and how they hoped to change our society through their aural expressions. Me, I just hung out in New Jersey and bought the records. I approach this remembrance of Schlong not as some slick-talking industry insider, but as a fan. I'm a Schlong fan, got it?

Initially an offshoot of skatebrat heroes Operation Ivy (a band whom I've today learned that announcing the name of aloud gets a look of total non-recognition from WFMU's Irwin Chusid, but from Scott Williams earns a story about how he threw teenage girls into the mosh pit back when he worked security on an EMF tour), Schlong was a fantastic example of wasted talent run rampant through the streets of America. They were three incredibly schooled musicians, playing the most complex, interstellar, jazz/prog/space jams with time signatures that'd make Rick Wakeman cry like a little schoolgirl. Lyrically, however, most Schlong songs were about hippos, boogers, jock itch, George Bush, or fleas. (They also did a bunch of Fleetwood Mac covers and re-did the entire West Side Story soundtrack, but never mind about that right now.)

Anyhow, nobody liked them. At least nobody out here in the toxic wasteland of New Jersey did. In 1991, Op Ivy's popularity with the local be-mohawked youth notwithstanding, hardly anyone really knew who they were, except WFMU's Pat Duncan! And he invited them to perform live on the air in the middle of the night, where they kicked out a short set of their truly unique jams. If you need a modern point of reference, think Deerhoof but with incredibly drunk, dorky 2nd graders standing in for them, trying to play Gentle Giant songs at 2000 miles per hour.

This 13 minute video clip of Schlong performing live at WFMU's former East Orange abode was filmed in black and white, on a stationary camera hooked through the mixing board so as to get a quality audio track. (It basically creates the effect of watching a band play on a 7-11 security cam.) Oddly, not even Irwin or Ken remember anything at all about WFMU ever having a stationary black and white video camera. I'd ask Pat himself about this, but as an internationally reknown cryptozoologist hot on the heels of the elusive Sasquatch (or "Yeti" to you silly Himalayans), he's a hard man to get ahold of. I'll update you, if and when.

I'm not much for being a renaissance man, but I also know I'm not alone in demanding that it's time for Schlong to come back, and COME BACK BIG. A quick search of the internet reveals they are already ahead of the game, with a myspace profile page, some west coast reunion tour dates scheduled for March, and numerous MP3s up for download on this site. Also, here's an MP3 of a medley of songs from Schlong's amazing "Waxy Yellow Buildup" LP, released years ago on the great Very Small record label.

(Warning: I can now say with some confidence that google image searches for "schlong" are not to be danced up to lightly.)

Comments

[fatty jubbo]

yay!. I was obsessed with the Very Small catalog when I was high school. This was a transition period of coming out of boring old punk rock and trying to find something with the same spirit but with more creativity. I listened to the Very Small "Vinyl Retentive" compilation constantly, especially the weirdo art band side with False Sacrament and Schlong. I can leave behind most of the stupid lyrics, but Schlong was great- up there with Zorn's Naked City! I especially love their constant mangling of covers.

I always wondered what the hell happened to them...just dropped off.

[Elisabeth]

Great post! I lived in the Bay Area for about a decade and loved the creative scene out there--always wondering why it never seemed to make it to the East Coast. Three Day Stubble anyone???

[Joe Ehrbar]

Schlong is reuniting for a handful of West Coast shows in March (I think). They'll be touring with their pals Mother Load (also reunited). And I believe most of Schlong's catalog is still available via Very Small Records. I still spin Fishbooty (1995), Poop Loops (1994) and Waxy Yellow Build-Up (1992). Their music has aged well--although the band was always at their unpredictable best drunk onstage in front of their drunk fans.

[Madmax0417]

Schlong along with the False Prophets played a crappy little bar called Nerri's Place on Staten Island in the early 90's. It was an amazing show. I have the entire recording of them performing Fleetwood Macs "Rumors" album live at WFMU.It was recorded a day or two after the S.I. show. I couldn't believe how talented these guys were and the dives they were playing.

[Tony Party]

I recorded a video of Schlong in Kalamazoo, MI (94-ish?)and during their Schlongness some dude starts tossing stuffed animals at the band and then my camera plopped off. If anyone wants a video copy, get in touch and we’ll work something out i.e I’d trade it for a schlong beer mug
Oh yea, also from that same show I recorded the Gern Blandsten band One By One and I have some old Nuisance shit somewhere.

[Ralph / Haunted Hotel Records]

Schlong is one of the best bands to ever do it. crimanally underated. i listen to their entire catalog all the time, especially "fish booty" -

[No8 Budweiser Chevrolet]

I always wondered what happened to those crazy mutant schlong desert guys. Thanks for the info. Those guys were friends of a college roomate of mine in Santa Cruz, and even played a show in our living room once! It was a blast. We had enticed them to play with the promise of free beer and free....oh wait, this is moderated isnt it; never mind- just free beer. Anyway I always kind of dug them. Back then, I was into any music that was fast, aggressive and/or heavy, and they were certainly fast and aggressive- and pretty much different from any band I had ever heard.