What time is it? According to my Ov Watch Fertility Predictor, it's baby makin' time! And there are 4 more days of it than you thought. Four more days a month of the unsexiest baby-makin' procreatin' fornicatin' of your life.
Assorted condoms. Flavors include explodey snakey rosey key chainy Kit Katty chicken rameny Braziliany vibratey happy-y camouflagey brack powery and just plain huge.
Why we use condoms: contrary to popular belief, lugging an alien being inside you for 9+ months can be a bummer.
Baby toy. Plush fetus.
Mule-dog gives birth. Rottweiler Heroina, who was sliced open to carry packets of liquid heroin from Colombia to the U.S., is experiencing "the joys of motherhood."
It sounds like a good idea now, but that's just the hormones talking. Where the hell are you going to put a cast of your big pregnant belly? My guess is that it winds up in the basement with the Diaper Genie. P.S. This would also work for a beer belly, which is a keepsake you'll never get tired of looking at.
A three-hankie movie: The Da Vinci Load.
It's the "good mood software." Why would you want your keyboard to make "erotic sounds"? Because you can, man. SoundPilot can add a Smith-Cornona clickety-clack to your keyboard sure to make you the most popular kid in cube-land. But for those late nights, install an "erotic" sound scheme to encourage "more rhythmical typing."
Stacked deck. Dirty playing cards from the 70's. NSFW
Just don't do it. Clinically, you're asexual if you "do not experience sexual attraction" and have your own support group and website (I made that last part up).
Sounds like a hoax to me, but if it's on the internet it must be true that eBay pulled an auction offering a night with actor/director Vincent Gallo, because it violated their rules on selling sex. Also because Vincent Gallo has been found to be a leading cause of asexuality.
Oldski Polski Pornski. Don't let the part where it's called "grandfathersgirls" bother you, because the old timeyness makes the porn tasteful. Click the bottom right corners to turn the pages, NSFWski
"Fruity nudes cause controversy." Don't they always? Sigh. Those fruity nudes. NSFW
Dear Hunter, I can understand why you would want to attract beaver. But acorns? They seem pretty easy to gun down without any special lures. Wuv, Amanda. P.S. You were right about the Curiosity Trail doe urine mixed with curiosity scents and the Doe in Heat and Buck-in-Rut urine. Up my next order to a gallon each!
Stand and deliver. Another installment in the ongoing quest to free women from the tyranny of the public toilet seat: a guide to peeing standing up. Links to The Princess and the Pee.
Thanks to Ken and Melissa.
What a relief! That's why my dates always keep checking their watches! Fertility Predictor!
Posted by: poesboes | February 10, 2006 at 02:54 PM
If any ladies out there are disappointed that ebay took down his auction, you can still buy a night w/ Gallo here:
http://www.vgmerchandise.com/misc.html
Also, be sure to scroll down to where you can buy his sperm, and read his, um, "old fashioned" views on race mixing. He's hilarious!
Posted by: Reggie | February 13, 2006 at 03:47 AM