As you should know by now, the chocolate Virgin is not a sex act, but rather a wad of chocolate discovered by a factory worker who thinks it looks like the picture of Virgin Mary she carries. I think it looks like a parrot, but I don't work in a chocolate factory or carry a picture of a parrot or a virgin, so I'll defer to her. Call me an unbeliever, but I'm not seeing the Virgin Mary in the George-Foreman-grill-grease stain, though I do see the resemblance to George. The Virgin Mary turtle is totally adorable, so don't you dare dis it.
Mary's spawn is also in the news: The Jesus oyster was up for sale on eBay, so it has to be real. And it didn't meet the $335 reserve, so you can get it next time. The baby Jesus appeared in an ultra sound, which is great, because usually those things just look like a big grainy smoosh. Luckily, baby Jesus looks like the dad, so however it works out, it's all good. And God Himself is trying to tell us something, but as usual not particularly clearly: The "mystery tree" in Texas leaks "God's water."
And then there's the Golden Hand of Cheesuz. I drove by this thing a dozen times with Greasy Kids Stuff DJs Belinda, Hova and Wah Wah before finally getting out of the car to take a closer look. The look did not solve the mystery of why Jesus was hovering above us as a giant glob of cheesy goo. Finally I decided that Portland is just a small city that likes to put big things, preferably dairy products, like Jesus and milk cartons, up in the air. And I'm OK with that.
Dont go to church on sunday
Dont get on my knees to pray
Dont memorize the books of the bible
I got my own special way
Bit I know jesus loves me
Maybe just a little bit more
I fall on my knees every sunday
At zerelda lees candy store
Well its got to be a chocolate jesus
Make me feel good inside
Got to be a chocolate jesus
Keep me satisfied
Well I dont want no anna zabba
Dont want no almond joy
There aint nothing better
Suitable for this boy
Well its the only thing
That can pick me up
Better than a cup of gold
See only a chocolate jesus
Can satisfy my soul
When the weather gets rough
And its whiskey in the shade
Its best to wrap your savior
Up in cellophane
He flows like the big muddy
But thats ok
Pour him over ice cream
For a nice parfait
Well its got to be a chocolate jesus
Good enough for me
Got to be a chocolate jesus
Good enough for me
Well its got to be a chocolate jesus
Make me feel good inside
Got to be a chocolate jesus
Keep me satisfied
Posted by: murcury | August 30, 2006 at 10:08 AM
i go by that milk carton all the time too-its even scarier than the big loaf of bread nearby...
portland is weird...and proud of it!
D
Posted by: davo | August 30, 2006 at 05:56 PM