How To Play Asteroids

Hey, it's the Friday before Labor Day! For all the poor souls stuck at work this  afternoon, here is an instructional, hypnotic, short film* (23MB) to help you kill the time until you can get out and savor those last drops of summer.   

Remember these things:

a) Like gigantic slow zombies made of rock, Asteroids are the enemy.  So are those flying saucers - they're not friendly E.T.'s collecting plants throughout the galaxy:  they are slathering tentacled beasts and they are firing at you.  Destroy them all.

b) The best offense is a good defense.  As a back-up plan, another good offense is to not stop shooting. 

c) Keeping your ship of death in the center of the screen is part of a good defense.  Staying stationary and in the middle lets you worry about one less variable when things get hectic, and gives you the advantage of what The Art of War calls The Ground of Intersecting Highways: "He who occupies it first has most of the Empire at his command." 

d) Finally, the hyperspace button is useless, at best, and fatal, at worst, especially if you accidentally hit the button while dozens of rocks are whizzing around.  Avoid using it at all costs.

Feeling shooty?  Want to play?  Then hie your time-wasting butt over here, already.  Unlike WFMU's beloved juego de arcada, the online version is in English, and assumes that one actually cares whether they can see the entire screen or not.  But don't let that put you off.  You've been primed.  Go get 'em, tiger!

Comments

[gropingdentist]

Sound advice. Sometimes remaining stationary when the greys come can be deadly and hyperspace can prove to be a worthy ally. That said it is still very sketchy proposition.
Online versions are crap. Nothing beats the noise, smells, and nostalgia of an arcade. If you can find one that still has Asteroids you are lucky indeed. My local sanctuary recenty removed theirs (or maybe it's just in the shop) so I'll have to suffice with Galaga. Although they do have a machine with all sorts of old games in it, but its just not the same without the original cabinet.

[Anon]

Reset the machine to the language of your choice.

http://www.djgallagher.com/games/classics/asteroids/tech/asteroids_dipswitches.txt
http://www.djgallagher.com/games/classics/asteroids/tech/asteroidsdeluxe_dipswitches.txt

[WmMBerger]

It needs to be said that the late WFMU alumnus TK Folger was an Asteroids master, spending hours at a time on that machine. I could never manage the hyperspace button effectively, though I witnessed him do it many times.

[Megan]

Ah yes, the initials "TKF" still show up on the high score list here from time to time, as a tribute from DJs who remember Terry's Asteroids prowess.

[Taso Stefanidis]

Nothing like seeing "Juego Terminado" after being blown to 1x1 sprites to remind me to get back to work.