Jesus Was a What?

(I'll tell you later*.)  Election Season was officially declared open last month when Fox sic'ed Chris Wallace on Bill Clinton with the perfectly fair question: "why didn't you kill more terrorists, pussy?"  Season that with the odd congressional page, dash liberally with nuclear matter, toss in a heaping dollop of buck-passing, serve with Rove's Surprise, and we've got a soup to make all this indigestion seem worthwhile.

It's pretty exciting: Republicans jumping the Good Ship Loyalty, Dems (finally!) holding Reps to their own damn morality candle. Yes, the Culture War's pushing into the higher gears now, so let's try to keep up. I recently stumbled into Youtuber Johnplex's place, and now I'm that pathetic lump on his basement couch, hoarding the remote control and demanding more nachos.  In addition to hosting some awesome Plasmatics videos, Johnplex and his friends have been making prank phone calls to evangelical Christian broadcasters on cable-access in and around Cedar Park, Texas. These televised confrontations offer sublime peeks at what I'm scared shitless are the ultimate result of our country's tendency to pridefully overvalue ignorance for its own belligerent sake.  There on your left is Reverend Ricky, that thing around his neck is indeed a toilet seat, and I believe what he's pointing his toy gun at is in fact a cherry.  Is Ricky's a fringe voice?  No, not while Fred Phelps and family are kicking.  Despite their repeated and calculated claims to the contrary, the Rickys are winning the current Culture War. Hey, at least I've got a myspace account!  No you don't, that belongs to Ricky. Well, I've got a blog!   Ah yes. Oh look, here's Ricky wackily stabbing a baby doll with a butcher knife:

Ricky's Catholic competition across town is a fellow named George.  They're buds, and agree on many things.  For instance:

• women who wear pants breed boys who wear dresses;
• homosexuality equals pedophilia;
• I got hundreds of fag friends and I don't judge 'em, only God does;
• abortion knocked them towers down;
• you're a baby-killing God-hater, and I pray you die soon and painfully.

--and yet, George and Ricky can't see eye-to-eye; all because they represent different patches on the same stained quilt, and so have sworn eternal enmity to each other - only sometimes it's over beers.

Jump the flip for my selected view of this stuff...

Video #1 (link):  If there's a player in all this who gives me hope, it's Kristy (sp?).  She's a kid from the neighborhood, and George hasn't yet succeeded in erasing her sense of humor.  A prank caller, after making multiple requests for the revelation of Kristy's "clippy" and "teetees" announces *"Jesus was a c@%t!!".  Throughout, Kristy responds with almost shocking innocence and charming hilarity.  George, get a fucking call screener, dude.

Video #2 (link): Ricky asserts "women who wear pants breed boys who wear dresses", while he's shooting a cherry with a toy gun.  C-h-e-r-r-y.

Video #3 (link): George asserts: "I got hundreds of gay friends", and "if you think that little kids should have the opportunity to be sodomized, then (let gays adopt)"

Video #4 (link): George the animal lover tells a darn cute story about the wild fish who came right up and put his snoot in George's hand, gets tongue-tied when realizing the story does not support his anti-abortion arguments, and so prays for the death of Johnplex.

Video #5 (link): The Plasmatics!  "Butcher Baby"!  Wendy O. Williams in chainsaw geetar destruction mode!

Video #6 (link): George asserts: "The Democratic Party is as evil as the Nazi Party", "Log Cabin Republicans are terrorists", and "weirdos with little pink triangles have an agenda, and that agenda is to sodomize your kids".

Hmmm, what do you think's in George and Ricky's Anxiety Closets?

Comments

[Heath]

Show you my what? "Clippy"?