Today is a propitious day: The Hannah Montana Soundtrack I pre-ordered months ago from Amazon.com finally arrived. La Montana is portrayed on TV (dramatically and musically) by spunky tween-queen Miley Cyrus, 13-year-old daughter of (program co-star) Billy Ray. Maybe I should watch the show, but gravity can't pin me to the couch even long enough to enjoy complete episodes of would-be faves like South Park and Chappelle. (Say what you want against ADD—it cures TV addiction!)
Pending victory over videophobia, the Hannah CD will do. As a 55-year-old AARP-registered male with a Seussian distance from kids ("You have 'em, I'll amuse 'em") and 30+ years airtime here at the free-form factory, I'm not Radio Disney's target demo. (Turning 49, I sighed, "Advertisers no longer care about me"—then realized: When did they?) Hannah's lyrics evoke the hopes, dreams, and rockstar fantasies of prepubescent girls, but the music is captivating to these pre-senescent ears. It's everything catchy pop should be: frothy, harmonic, propulsive, memorable—that is, it's formulaic. And irresistible. She's The Monkees in a pleated mini.
Miley is young, glamorous, and probably makes enough money in a week to support WFMU for a year. Not that we're expecting her pledge.
Years ago I co-hosted a weekly WFMU offering called Incorrect Music, a misguided tour of outsiders, bumbling celebs, no-hopers, corporate anthems, pop-eyed zealotry, uber-patriots, Third-Eye Lounge crooners — a survey of Frankentunes. But years before Incorrect Music there was "incorrect music." My original concept of the genre was music that was out of place on WFMU, not because it embodied any of the aforementioned qualities of "badness," but because it was too popular, too slick, or too commercial, viz., too unhip. Didn't get around to developing that concept into a program, but four years into the redefined IM, on February 28, 2001, guest co-host Monica Lynch and I gathered the gumption to flood the WFMU airwaves with our guilty pleasures, presenting one hour of recordings that were too incorrect for WFMU. We alternated pop-trocities — Paula Abdul, Black Oak Arkansas, Debbie Gibson, Foreigner, REO Speedwagon, Natalie Cole. We tried to explain our vices and quantify our tastes, but ultimately you love 'em or hate 'em, and logic plays no part. Listener feedback was as expected: 90% despised the show, as did the few staffers who bothered to comment. Emails were merciless. We never did it again, but not because of negative test-marketing. One show provided the necessary catharsis. Monica was proud to have breached the Babyface Barrier.
All of which is backstory to Hannah Montana. It's October 27, 2006. About a hundred DJ's have hosted WFMU programs in the past year. Just did a quick playlist search and it appears that, to date, just one DJ has aired Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus. Maybe this stuff loses free-form cachet because it's technically flawless, a studio contrivance of some producer-svengali. But pop perfectionism was Abba's raison d'etre, and a WFMU playlist search tracks 212 hits for the Swedish leviathan.
That lone WFMU fanboy intends to continue sporadic spins. Call him a Disney apologist. But as a free-market enthusiast, he has no problem with the rich getting richer. Create a Hannah Montana and you deserve to cash in.
UPDATE 1: Cash calf indeed: Hannah CD debuts in Billboard at #1. (Link now dead; trust me.)
UPDATE 2: How much do I love Hannah's "Best of Both Worlds"? Enough to make a doddering fool of myself mangling it with the Hoof & Mouth Sinfonia at Marathon 2007's conclusion. I didn't even have drunkenness as an excuse.
I heart Ashley Tisdale.
Posted by: secretshame | October 27, 2006 at 06:32 PM
Check out Aly and AJ. Better songs and pop-ier. I find myself humming thier tracks much more than Hanna's. (This coming from a 30+ yr old father of a 5 and 6 year old that love Hanna Montanna.)
Ashley is dreamy, though.
Posted by: Aaron | October 27, 2006 at 09:04 PM
I've plays Black Oak Arkansas tons. What's the problem with 'em? even Lester Bangs gave them the thumbs up.
Posted by: Brian Turner | October 27, 2006 at 10:38 PM
BT: twice = "tons." Both after the above date.
Miley's 2nd will be produced by O'Rourke and you'll be all over it, Turner.
Posted by: Irwin Chusid | October 27, 2006 at 10:58 PM
I heart Irwin, man. You just rock.
I had a radio show on WRCT back in the day that I now realize was more punk rock than I thought it was--because I played stuff the punks wouldn't touch (but apparently I didn't suck as much as I thought I might have).
I must admit, though, the most audacious guy I could think of was the guy who played "It's The End Of The World As We Know It And I Feel Fine" something like thirty six times in a row. He was a normal, and completely deranged the regular listeners. That's chutzpah...
Posted by: Chap | October 27, 2006 at 11:30 PM
Oh, and Radio Disney often has the best music playing on Omaha AM radio.
Which isn't saying much, but you know what I mean.
Posted by: Chap | October 27, 2006 at 11:31 PM
Nothing gets me hotter than intra-WFMU semi-spats.
Especially when they are about Black Oak Arkansas. You all should tell us what you are wearing.
Posted by: M. Barber | October 28, 2006 at 09:14 AM
Barber: Too bad you missed the Scott Williams-Mike Lupica Gorky's Zygotic Mynci smackdown three years ago. It drew blood — Joe Belock's, I recall.
Posted by: Irwin Chusid | October 28, 2006 at 12:48 PM
It's more than that. She has a powerhouse voice, and a Lucille Ball/Jennifer Aniston/Mary Tyler Moore-style comedic sensibility on-screen. You can see it in her effervescence, her hyperactiveness, her unbridled energy. She has a bright future ahead of her.
You have to admit the infectiousness of Miley Cyrus.
Posted by: vson | October 28, 2006 at 03:26 PM
>>Miley's 2nd will be produced by O'Rourke and you'll be all over it, Turner.<<
Heather O'Rourke's dead, Irwin. I'm assuming that's who you're referring to.
Posted by: Brian Turner | October 28, 2006 at 08:05 PM
I have Britney Spears' "Toxic" video on my iPod, and until now I was almost embarassed to admit it. Almost.
Posted by: Hell's Donut House | October 28, 2006 at 11:31 PM
Donut: Justify your lust — check out DJ Joel-Steven's Britney vs. Offspring mash, "Pretty Toxic for a White Girl" (scroll down under "Classic Voicedude"): http://voicedude.multiply.com/music
Posted by: Irwin Chusid | October 28, 2006 at 11:51 PM
While strolling my 4 month old girl through Target, I saw the Hannah Montana CD and I bought it. The only places I had ever heard of it were WFMU and Boing Boing. I listened to it in the car and I thought it actually sounded like The Cars. Her voice is pretty deep for a kid, which I noticed only after I realized that I could understand each and every word she sang. I'm not used to that, as I mostly listen to punk rock, foreign music, or Mastodon.
I took a chance with 10 bucks, but I can't understand yet why anyone would have preordered it.
www.babygorilla.com
c
Posted by: Chuck Jones | October 29, 2006 at 08:34 AM
Miley Cyrus has this quality, a leading lady quality. She is fearless, has no qualms about carrying that show. It's hard to describe. I could write a book on what that effervescence is. :) It's that quality that comes from a phenomenon, that 'x-factor' from the ether. It's magic.
Posted by: vson | October 29, 2006 at 02:36 PM
If you like poppy singles by overly sanitized TV tweens, Hilary Duff's "Come Clean" was surprisingly good. "Let the rain fall down..." Produced by her Good Charlotte boyfriend, it's much better than anything on the one GC album that my daughter has.
Posted by: Bob DuCharme | October 31, 2006 at 12:47 PM
hey im alyssa im mileys biggest fan ask me any ? about her i will anwser it perfectly just ask i could you anything well not any thing i am still reserching a little bit about her but...
Posted by: alyssa | November 02, 2006 at 10:27 PM
A friend sent me your review of the Hannah Montana cd and I enjoyed your willingness to hear the music and appreciate it for what it tries to do (and I agree with you, I think it does it pretty successfully). I certainly understand why you might not want to sit down and watch the show and while Disney would always welcome more audience, you're not their demographic anyway. But, if you do wind up visiting young, female relatives and find yourself trapped in front of the set for an episode I hope you'll find that, like the music, the show aims to be energetic and fun with a positive (but not cloying) message. As dads ourselves, Michael Poryes and I have tried to make it something kids will enjoy and parents can watch without wanting to rip their eyes out of their heads. If you ever catch it, you can let us know how we're doing.
Posted by: Steven Peterman, Executive Producer, "Hannah Montana" | November 09, 2006 at 08:48 AM
I don't find the booty shot above, nor the pouty sexy lipsticked lips on the cover of the "book" indicative of "the girl next store", unless you are living in a neighborhood with streetwalkers. This is an overly sexualized role model presented to girls aged 8-12, most therefore who do not even have their periods yet, let alone breasts or sexy lips. Don't we want our girl children to aspire to more than this?
Posted by: Debbie Poryes | January 15, 2007 at 05:52 PM
I look at Miley and see an immensely talented, hard-working young entertainer, and a diligent teen who apparently makes her parents proud. You look at Miley and see a tart. Eye of the beholder, Deb.
Posted by: Irwin Chusid | January 16, 2007 at 08:36 AM
Miley is indeed amazing, and I love her music. I think you've done a nice summary of her here. I think she's got a great direction ahead of her, as she looks like she's been keeping her path fairly clean so far (unlike the Britney's out there).
Posted by: Miley Cyrus Fan | July 31, 2008 at 11:07 PM