If you're as big a fan of Christian kooks as I am, then certainly you've heard of Donnie Davies, whose over-the-top message video "The Bible Says" (aka "God Hates Fags") is the best song John Mayer never recorded. It's also jaw droppingly evil...or is it? Rumors abound that Davies is fake, with reasons ranging from his completely ridiculous list of bands that will make you gay (he's not sure about Morrissey?!), to quoting Oscar Wilde as a "reformed homosexual".
But if he is a fake, which I am certainly betting he is, Davies isn't saying. Rumors have flown in the past couple of weeks that he could be this guy (nope), or this guy (who seriously denies it), and most recently this guy (who also denies it, but the consensus is that he's finally the guy). Davies himself made an appearance this week trying to show his sincerity, but offered no concrete proof that he isn't a hoax. And the debate rages on...You Tube won't host his music video, and Wikipedia immediately deleted his page (which sided towards fake). For a guy who may not exist, he sure is stirring up a lot of trouble.
And there friends we have just the latest in the long tradition of Christian hoaxes. How do they differ from mere parodies, or more overtly comic creations like Borat and Steven Colbert? Simply because they won't really let anyone else in on the joke. And the greater philosophical question looms... does this do more harm then good? Are easily befuddled Christians won over by over-the-top beliefs (really not that far from what the extremists believe)? Or is it all just good clean fun - like reading The Onion?
There is a history of hoaxes effecting much more than originally intended, but far be it from me to judge. I love a good prank, myself, and I say let the suckers sort it out. So instead of the philosophy, allow me to fan the flames a bit and point you to more Christian hoaxers and pranksters.
Follow the jump and damn your soul!
Landover Baptist: The old guard of fake internet Christians are Landover Baptist. Their scathing Onion-esque stories and columns are always hilarious, and they try to keep a straight face all the time. Check out their Top Stories of 2006, which includes the gem "Does Jesus Watch Me Go Poopy?".
Objective Ministries: Taking the Landover model one step further is Objective Ministries. An insanely serious parody, they routinely fool the masses by frequently link to real Christian sites
(like Chuck Norris' campaign to get bibles back in the schools) and lash out repeatedly against the evil Landover Baptist. For a while they were even hosted by an
actual Christian web server. OM brought us the insanely creepy Why? baby, made headlines a few years back for "exposing" Apple's use of Darwinism in designing OSX, reported how Kirk Cameron managed to infiltrate a druid coven by using his "excellent acting talents", and posted this snorter:
We have recently learned that something called the Wiki Encyclopedia -- an Anarcho-Syndicalist website originating in Hawaii that lets anyone create "articles" on various subjects without any fact-checking or editorial responsibility -- has been publishing rumors and incorrect information about our site and ministries. We believe that the "article" about us was written, at least in part, by agents working for Americhrist Ltd., who are trying to spread confusion in order to discredit our work exposing the harm they are doing.
KOTNC: Fake Christian rock band Knights of the New Crusade are so darn good that they are often invited to play Christian rock festivals - even though they know better. Fun costumes trump sincerity any day.
Hot Chicks: This a film parody based on the infamous cartoons of Jack T. Chick. Hot Chicks features nine short films based on the famous tracts La Princesita, Bewitched?, Doom Town, Angels?, Titanic (which re-edits the blockbuster film of the same name), Wounded Children, Cleo, Somebody Goofed, and Party Girl (directed by "anonymous", who we hear are a brother and sister team, one of whom may well be a certain young comic actress from Arrested Development).
A few more favorite fakeries:
- Absolution On-line
- Afterlife Telegrams
- Christian Women's Wrestling (but this is real)
- Holy Spatula!
- God Hates Figs
- The First Amish Newsletter. Clever touches include the "What color is your favorite hat?" quiz. (A. Black B. Charcoal Black C. Midnight Black D. Ashen Black E. Straw)
- Jesus Pets - those "left behind" will care for your pets after the Rapture.
- Angus MacDougall is a three-year-old terrier mix that has recently been blessed with the revered and holy image of Jesus Christ on his hindquarters.
- Betty Bowers Christian Advice column.
- Your frat getting shut down? Find G-O-D, and keep hitting the K-E-G.
- Speaking of fratboys: Bush Is Lord!
- Severe patriotism is becoming synonymous with right wing lunacy these days, so I think it's okay to include these fake patriotic gifts from Flag-o-Rama!
- Is Rapture Ready a fake Christian website run by Jews to sucker the gentiles? I wish! But this nutjob seems convinced.
- The Abston Church of Christ is designed only to serve a certain congregation. Those of the Leggo persuasion who worship a dead cat (this is obviously a real believer, but the concept is just so odd I had to include it).
Actual Christians' parodies:
When is Weird Al style song stylings not at all funny? When it's done by an actual Christian parody band. Yes, it's the "spoofernatural" stylings of ApologetiX, who do such witty parodies as "Lazy Brain" (Crazy Train by Ozzy), "Smooth Grandmama" (Smooth Criminal by Alien Ant Farm/Michael Jackson), "The Devil Went Down to Jordan" (Charlie Daniels Band), and "Bethlehemian Rhapsody" (guess). Want to know true pain? Just read the lyrics to "Yes, Today" (ie, the Beatles' Yesterday)
If today you should hear His voice don't turn away
Now's the time that you should kneel and pray
And finally say yes today
Suddenly you might have to spend eternity
In a place you never want to be
Say yes today and just believe
Christ – He died for all -- there's no soul He wouldn't save
There's just one thing you have to do – say yes today
"Yes" today seems like such an easy thing to say
All you need is faith, so why delay?
Say, "I believe," and "yes" today
Why you might say no, I don't know ... I couldn't say
I'd say something's wrong if you don't say "Yes" today
Yes, today might just be your final chance to pray
All you need is faith, so why delay?
Say, "I believe," and "yes" today
Mmmmmmmmm
Keep watch on what's fake and what's real with these religious watchdogs:
The Trinity Foundation
Adult Christianity
Evangelical Right
And finally - this is obviously not a hoax, what better way to end than reading along to the Bible with Ricky Gervais.
Thanks to Fatty Jubbo, Megan, Irwin and Rich. And most of all, a huge shout out to the Museum of Hoaxes, whose blog and archives gave me a ton of research links for this article.
I have always been puzzled by Knights Of The New Crusade, it seemed too strange being on Alternative Tentacles and so extremely over the top Christians. However, I have never seen any real evidence that they are fake, and I don't quite see what they would want to accomplish with their prank, if they are indeed pranksters.
Posted by: Lukas | January 29, 2007 at 12:55 AM
Here's a Christian hoax that loomed large in my young years - Mike Warnke, the former-Satanist Christian comedian. Warnke issued comedy LPs, toured telling jokes AND the sordid tales of life as a Satanic priest, before closing each evening with an altar call. (I don't remember if it was funny or not, or if the jokes involved the devil.) Then his Satanic background was revealed by other Christians to be a hoax. Read more about "America's most popular Christian comedian" : here.
Posted by: Kevin | January 29, 2007 at 01:23 AM
I've always been a fan of godhatesshrimp.com
Posted by: Ian! | January 29, 2007 at 02:43 AM
The fact that so many Christians and non-Christians alike were unsure as to wether or not Donnie was genuine is a sad reflection of the crappy state the Christian church is in. And what is the deal with all the movie sharing sites in "the land of the free" deleting his video? That seems like a strange thing to do when they're happy to leave actual godhatesfags.com videos online.
Posted by: Simon Jones | January 29, 2007 at 09:16 AM
The confusion regarding Oscar Wilde may have to do with being received into the Catholic church on his deathbed. Lord knows that there are no gay Catholics. And the extreme unction probably wasn't according to his wishes.
Posted by: Krys O. | January 29, 2007 at 01:27 PM
Regarding pranks/hoaxes in general- they don't set out to 'accomplish' anything except acheiving success in fooling the audience. Of satire we can perhaps say more, but this only can apply if the former isn't achieved.
Posted by: Cynthia | January 29, 2007 at 02:38 PM
Ah yes, making fun of all Christians because a small minority are outrageous, so you stereotype and claim that they deserve ridicule.
Is this not similar to bigotry found in pockets of Christiantity? Fighting bigotry with more of it is where it all begins, no?
But, thanks for hating all Christians based on a few loud mouthed morons.
Posted by: FTM | January 29, 2007 at 03:55 PM
Hey FTM-
Pull one quote from this post that would incriminate the writer as "hating all Christians".
But, Thanks for outing yourself as a loud-mouthed moron anyway.
Posted by: FUM | January 29, 2007 at 04:35 PM
thanks folks! best blog post yet.
Posted by: lee | January 29, 2007 at 06:55 PM
At the time I posted my "gay bands" comments on this blog last week, I had no idea the whole "Donnie Davies" phenomenon was sweeping through the Web so fast--silly of me to underestimate the power of the modem. Now I'm smirking at myself for having been taken in (along with quite a few other people, I might add). I'm saying this as someone who's been fascinated by hoaxes since I was a child and has read quite a few books and many, many articles on hoaxes old and new and therefore had deluded myself into thinking I knew a thing or two. Somehow, at least a week ago, Donnie didn't seem clever or self-conscious enough to be a hoax, aspects which often give away the "real," fake thing. Now, of course, I see the low-budget movie coming and all the merchandising tie-ins.
Thanks for the thorough compendium of recent Christian hoaxes, which it will take all of us some time to investigate! (I'm wondering where Thee Temple of Psychick Youth fits into this, or The Process, or Bob, or... ) It seems to me that no matter how absurd or outrageous or possibly revolutionary the concept, latter-day adherents will often take the whole thing much more seriously than did the founders. After all, wasn't L. Ron really just joking about all things Scientological? (At least, he should have been!) And plenty of people have believed since it began that Christianity itself was begun by someone who hoaxed his own death and then resurrection.
Posted by: scoot | January 29, 2007 at 10:52 PM
Godammit, Kevin, I was gonna write about Mike Warnke next week! Ah, maybe I still will, I can link to some audio of the world's most god awful phony satanic turned christian who actually WAS a christian ... comedian.
Posted by: Listener Kliph | January 30, 2007 at 01:16 AM
christianity is a hoax.
http://debunkingchristianity.blogspot.com/
Posted by: diablo | January 30, 2007 at 12:20 PM
Okay, I have an embarrassing habit that I would like to admit here: I sometimes watch the EWTN cable network to see how weird my fellow Catholics can get (I'm generally from the Dorothy Day wing of the Church rather than the Mel Gibson wing, but that's another story).
One day I tuned in to some talk show aimed towards teens and Nick Alexander was the musical guest. He was a pudgy, old-school Catholic guy with a guitar and a very, very, stretched sense of humor. You can click on the link above to visit his web site.
Posted by: The Contrarian | January 30, 2007 at 12:42 PM
Oooh, Nick Alexander looks even better (as in awful) than ApologetiX, though not as popular by a long shot. But that's why it looks better: hooray for the amateur. And what of that album cover? The man is a chameleon!
Posted by: ResidentClinton | January 30, 2007 at 12:50 PM
Donnie Davies' list includes Merzbow and Morton Subotnick. He misspells both names, though. On the other hand, I'm delighted that Nickelback made his list. Unsurprisingly, he misspells their name, too.
Posted by: Clayton | January 30, 2007 at 03:05 PM
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/
Posted by: Roberto Guiterrez | January 31, 2007 at 12:29 AM
on the subject of Xian broadcasting networks, I remember seeing this show that Kirk Cameron hosts called Way of the Master. This one episode was about Satanic influences in heavy metal music. It was too funny. Didn't he have a best friend named Boner? anyways, here's a wiki about this particular episode:
* The Satanic Influence
Ray and Kirk are siting in an alley somewhere, with a barrel fire burning behind them, discussing the Satanic influences on rock music. There are various videos of rock and heavy metal singers, including Ozzy Osbourne's song about Aleister Crowley, and Marilyn Manson's swearing off of Christians.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6985701056260665121
Posted by: Steve PMX | January 31, 2007 at 01:40 PM
One observation that that has frustrated me to no end is the continued media publicity given to Fred Phelps and his whole "God Hates Fags" racket. It really doesn't take that much digging to figure out that no sincere religious belief is behind his attention-whoring schemes.
I think the mass media really wants him to be real, and exposing the sham ends the ride for everybody.
Posted by: supreme nothing | January 31, 2007 at 10:38 PM
Getting young Christian kids to buy records on Alternative Tentacles is plenty much achievement for a prank, thank you.
and re Donnie Davis, unfortunately pranks have become so common they're no longer the exclusive province of the creative.
Welcome to the age of sheeple pranks - well, we just did it because it's the cool thing to do, man. Y'know, pranks? Cool, right? These people have no trouble faking sincerity, because they ARE sincere. Their problem is more that they don't know where sincerity stops and insanity begins.
Posted by: Poeira Leve | February 03, 2007 at 05:04 PM
I'm sorry, Poeria, that you don't find our ministry intellectually stimulating. You really should ask yourself whether your distaste is really with our message or with that nasty inner homosexual wedged deep up inside you.
Posted by: Donnie Davies | February 17, 2007 at 11:13 AM