Datetastic: Vacant

I've kicked 2006 to the curb. And this year I've resolved to date more, and by more I mean once a week, every week. I was inspired by the 365 Days project, but not the 365 days part. A girl can't do 365 Dates. Unless she's a hooker, and that's a different project. But also a possibility.

My other inspiration was an annoying book that resurfaced when I was getting rid of piles of crap in a year-end purge. It's called Turn Your Cablight On and that's the last time I will ever mention it, except to say the that it was bouncing around the office when an Evil Friend in editorial gave it to me. The cablight metaphor means you are the taxi and you won't get a date unless you turn on the light-of-availability over your head. It's like turning on the "vacant" sign over the airplane toilet, telling everybody it's OK to come in. I like to think I always have my "vacant" sign on, but apparently some people need to be reminded. FYI, I have dibs on Turn the Vacant Sign Over the Toilet On (It's a Metaphor) Guide to Dating.

First week, first date. Due to medical/logistical difficulties, the first date was scheduled for 10pm last Friday night. I killed time with work girls beforehand, and answered their questions about him. It turned out I knew very little about Date #1.

    "Who's the dude?"
    "He's a graphic designer." Pause.
    "Oh, he has eighteen nieces and nephews." Pause.
    "That's it? Anything else?"
    "He plays drums."
    "What kind of drums?"
    "Um...dunno. Maybe he's in a band or something like guys like to do."
    "Maybe he's in a marching band. That's probably it. You're going on a date with that marching band guy."
    "That would be awesome."
    (continued after the jump...)

    "Where are you meeting?"
    "The Holiday Inn."
    [Office mates honestly look shocked.]
    "No, no, not that Holiday Inn. The other Holiday Inn. The scuzzy one."

Technically, it's The Holiday Cocktail Lounge, and we sat at the a cool horse-shoe shaped bar. I proceeded to fill in a few of the biographical blanks on him, which is a really lovely way to conduct a date. Nothing sets a person at ease more than intense personal questioning in a public space. He rocked back on his bar stool a lot. I had a sore throat, so I kept sucking on cough drops, which I'm sure was very sexy. It turns out we grew up basically down the road from each other in the burbs of Maryland, that he knows about the place I work now and thinks it's all right, that he's arty and industrious, and that he's not in a marching band.

We talked until we closed the place down, which made me feel both old and young. He walked with me in the misty rain to get a taxi. When we kissed goodnight in the traffic on Second Avenue, there were tons of cabs going by with their lights on, so we kissed some more.

But cablight lady, that still doesn't mean your taxi theory is any good.

---------------------------------------------------------

Background: Why am I doing this? Because I'm a widow. Also, it's datetastic.
Next week: Round 2 with Date #1? Unless someone can get me Mr. Marching Band's number.
Also: Your advice welcome.

pretty vacant pic from windscreen fly

Comments

[Nicholas]

If the metaphor likens a person to a taxi, then is it okay to ask for a tip at the end of the date?

Also, is that book only aimed at women? Dating for men is very different than dating for women, since a taxi light for men evokes desperation, not availability.

From the opposite end of the spectrum, it does help to be given some idea that the lady you are approaching is actually interested in dating, since it helps in deciding who, at a party, you are going to spend and hour pouring on the charms to and not hear "Well, my boyfriend and I..."

[amanda barrett]

I always ask for money at the end of a date. That's how I was raised.

The book is about getting your dream man in 6 months, so if you want a dream man, go for it. I am happy I checked on that because now I know I only have to do this for half a year.

[Fatherflot]

Is old man Stefan still terrorizing the hipsters at the Holiday?

Last time I was there he poured about six free Jaeger double shots for me, my brother and my sister-in-law, and then drunkenly sang romantic love ballads to her in some indecipherable language for an hour before breaking a beer bottle on the bar and running after some guy who came in from the street. I had just finished Luc Sante's "Lowlife" and I started to think: "this is what McGurk's Suicide Hall must have been like!"

[bartleby]

As I've eased into 40 I've noticed women pay more attention to me. I theorize that this is because they think I'm unavailable. I've also noticed that along with grey hairs now on both sides of my moustache the imperative nature of spending time with a sector of the population which consistently shows up 20-30 minutes late is subsiding even faster than I'd expected.
I'd be quite polite if someone came up and tapped me on the shoulder but, unless there's Scrabble involved, a nap on the futon and 5 CDs on shuffle followed by a good book after shoooing the cat when it decides to sleep on my chest are a tough team to beat.

[K]

Dear god, that book website made my teeth itch...

When I was dating in my early 30's, and the subject of "what are you looking for" would come up, I would say "someone who can eat when hungry, and sleep when tired". Mostly this got me a blank look, and really did the trick in terms of driving off the unwise. Finally one lady scrunched her brow, thought a bit, and replied "not sure, that's a lot to ask, but I can try". That's who I'm living with now.

Everyone's a Superhero, anyones a Star. The rarest gems of all are those who simply are. Think it's easy? Try it.

K.

[amanda barrett]

The bartender was sober, but at closing time the oldest man in the world shuffled out of the back to help clean up. He was pretty cool. I'm putting him on the dating possibilities list.

[andy]

oh yeah, the holiday! the one time i was there over a decade ago, stefan (presumably) wouldn't stop singing to me--i guess bc i was new or something, and not sick of him yet like the regulars, who got tired of trying to tear him away from me and just started going back behind the bar (with him standing there, blitzed and oblivious) and making their own drinks. after last call a drunk girl tried to crawl over the (rather high) bar to get another, and he simply shoved her off onto the floor. haven't seen anything like that before or after.
back to the topic, there is also a book called "saying yes for a year," or something to that effect, about a woman who decides to go on dates with whoever asks...

[Nicholas]

"The book is about getting your dream man in 6 months, so if you want a dream man, go for it. I am happy I checked on that because now I know I only have to do this for half a year."

Six months of heaven. Or six months of sheer heck. Although, you may find that a lot of decent guys are just unwilling to unable or unwilling to approach people who actively put up barriers, or they say in high societee, put on airs. Life can be such a game of social football.

[jtm]

Wow, love the video clip of that fey baton twirler!

[Brian C.]

The HCL--yup, it brings back fuzzy memories from the late 80s, early 90s. I remember meeting the artist who did the painting of the bar (hanging on the left, back beyond the phone booth). I asked him why he painted Walter (tall former bouncer/traffic cop-type guy) so sketchily in the background. "I hate that guy!" was the reply. (Walter was a real prick). I think I was just showing off that I knew all the names of the folks in the painting. Richard & Ginger (front & center) tried to pick up me and a girl friend, to go back to their apt to smell the Lilies or something (it was Easter time). I'll admit, we were too scared to take them up. And bartender Pete, real nice guy, RIP. Kind of the yin to Stefan's yang.

To increase the degree of difficulty, Ms. Amanda, how about having all your dates at the HCL? You might even make it into the painting.

[amanda barrett]

Yeah, that's just what I need to do: increase the degree of difficulty.

I don't understand this: "Although, you may find that a lot of decent guys are just unwilling to unable or unwilling to approach people who actively put up barriers, or they say in high societee, put on airs."

Do I seem like an air-putter-onner?
Amanda

[kr]

wait, wait, wait, not only does this guy get a date with Amanda Barrett, he takes her to the Holiday -- they close the place -- and he gets a second date!!!! putting on airs? I think not.

Amanda, you rule.

[Nicholas]

' "I don't understand this: "Although, you may find that a lot of decent guys are just unwilling to unable or unwilling to approach people who actively put up barriers, or they say in high societee, put on airs."

Do I seem like an air-putter-onner?" '

Actually, quite the opposite. The fact you're willing to talk openly about your experience shows that.

I speak in generalities about dating in the greater Metropolitan area. I'm using the general "you" in that case. But it is true that some people believe that acting in an aloof, Byronic manner, actually gets people to approach them. That could be the reason why, despite living in a densely populated region in America, many people are still unable to find suitable partners.

So yeah, you're doing the right thing.

[amanda barrett]

>wait, wait, wait, not only does this guy get a date with Amanda Barrett, he >takes her to the Holiday -- they close the place -- and he gets a second >date!!!! putting on airs? I think not.

>Amanda, you rule.

People, this is a model comment. More of these, please.